Not sure where to put this one

[beccafromlalaland]

move if necessary.

I wasn't sure if I should put this in here or Marriage forum it kind of crosses into both.

DS1 dumped the whole box of food in to the Degu cage (roughly 3lbs) and then poured water over it, While I was trying to tell DH to go away that I am sick and Need to sleep (yet here I am)

DH sent DS1 to his room, I disagreed and told him to get DS1 back into the living room because he was going to clean up the mess he made. Long story short I ended up yelling at DH "I asked you to do a simple thing...get him out here!" He gave me "the look" and said "fine do whatever you want" and then stormed into our bedroom and stewed while DS1 and I cleaned out the cage I told DS1 that it's not nice to ruin all the food, and that if he does it again Momma won't help him clean the cage he will do it himself. He seemed to understand.

While I was putting new bedding into the cage DH left the house. I have no idea where he went. :bheart :cry I feel worse now than I did before. I've been nothing but a snappy witch the last couple of days (pink eye, the flu, and babysitting 4 kids under 4, 3 of whom are also under 2!)

DH and I disagree on discipline often...how can we reach a happy medium?

[peacefullone]

How old is your son?

:heart :pray

Holly

[beccafromlalaland]

He will be four in March. .

[MarynMunchkins]

IMHO...you should have let your dh handle it. If you ask for help, you have to be willing to let him take care of the issue even if you disagree. Especially if it's respectful to your child.

:hug It's hard to disagree and not have support from your dh. BTDT...:rolleyes2

[beccafromlalaland]

IMHO...you should have let your dh handle it. If you ask for help, you have to be willing to let him take care of the issue even if you disagree. Especially if it's respectful to your child.

:hug It's hard to disagree and not have support from your dh. BTDT...:rolleyes2


I am the main disciplinarian in the home. I'm the one taking care of the kids 12 hours a day. DH comes home spends 3hours with DS1 before it's time for bed. He rarely has to discipline him. I feel like he was undermining me. That's probably why I yelled.

How was I not respectful to my child?

[MarynMunchkins]

I didn't say you were disrespectful. :hug I just don't think sending your ds to his room was disrespectful from your dh. That's all. :)

If he's only there 3 hours at night, then he doesn't have much time to watch and learn how to discipline. He needs help. I know my dh is much more defensive if I say something to him in front of the kids instead of waiting for a time they're not watching.

If it were me, I would have let ds go to his room, and then told dh "I need him to come back here and help clean up. Go get him for me."

[Close2MyHeart]

I am the main disciplinarian in the home. I'm the one taking care of the kids 12 hours a day. DH comes home spends 3hours with DS1 before it's time for bed. He rarely has to discipline him. I feel like he was undermining me. That's probably why I yelled.


That's how it is here too. Matt isn't home much & I'm definitely the main disciplinarian in this home. However, if he chooses to send one of our children to their room, I respect that decision. The mess can wait a few minutes to be cleaned up. I may not agree w/ him, but I don't 'reprimand' him in front of the children. We'll discuss it later out of ear shot of the kids. Once I explain why I feel that the discipline he chose was wrong, we discuss it & come up w/ a solution. I don't have a problem w/ arguing in front of the kids, but this type of thing seems like the kids will think we're not united in the discpline when in fact we are for the most part... just some wrinkles that need ironing. ;) And I usually ask him to go talk w/ the child instead of interveneing even if I really want to intervene. (tho w/ our middle child I end up intervening a lot because they butt heads A LOT... to much alike I think ;) )

[milkmommy]

I agree with Mary and remember even if hes only home 3 hours hes still DS parent with just as much "right" to parent as you are. I'd have let it go (unless he was hurting him or something) and addressed the fact he needed to help clean in private. Its hard though when your the one in charge most of the time stepping back and allowing something else to happen :hug2

Deanna

[beccafromlalaland]

DS1 was already in his room so he did not see or hear the exchange between DH and I. Dh's ONLY discipline strategy is to send DS1 to his room...where all his toys are. It's clearly not effective because he doesn't learn anything other than "yippee I get to go play with my toys"

[Close2MyHeart]

Dh's ONLY discipline strategy is to send DS1 to his room...where all his toys are. It's clearly not effective because he doesn't learn anything other than "yippee I get to go play with my toys"


have you explained that to your DH??

[greenemama]

it's hard when you disagree with the way dh is handling something. :hug

i agree that it's usually better to discuss parenting issues and discipline when the kiddos aren't around. if the family is a team then it hurts everyone to have the leaders disagreeing about something in front of everyone. it's confusing and it's scary for kids, IMO.

talk to your dh about your concerns. try to come up with a game plan so that everyone is on the same page. if you disagree (or if he disagrees!) agree with each other that you will discuss it later.

i understand feeling like "it's not fair" that mama does the majority of the work the majority of the time and then daddy comes in and changes everything. it doesn't feel good. but you need to communicate this to your dh when you both can discuss it and when there are little ears listening.