another thread got me thinking, starting AP late

[Sandollar]

I am pretty new to Ap and am wondering what I can do to help reconnect with my 5 yr old ds? I know its not too late but are there some things i should be doing to "make up for" some not so AP things I've done in the past? I definitely had the us vs them mentality its hard to let go of the old ways even when you know thre wrong? Thanks!

[MarynMunchkins]

I had to force myself to sit and pay attention to my older kids. :) For us, that involves a lot of books, since Doug is learning to read and building Legos together. Puzzles work for Doug too. Ana likes to play Barbies and paint her nails. ;)

Basically, anything we can do one on one helps. :) It's mostly me taking the time to focus on them that has changed our relationship.

[DogwoodMama]

I agree with Mary- I think committing to spending individual time or special time with an older child is a great way to connect in general. :heart I really look forward to doing this with my dd as she gets older, things like working on a puzzle, doing legos, cuddling and watching a movie, going to the bookstore together, just activities that can be short or a "big event" that are fun and are good opportunities to talk and have physical contact (one thing that happened to *me* while I was growing up was I didn't get many hugs or cuddles as I grew older, and I almost lost the ability to be touched affectionately, if that makes sense... so I think that it is important to still hug and be close to older kids, they need it too! :heart)

[AngelBee]

I think that is a really great question.

I have been thinking alot about that lately as well.

[BornFreeBaby]

Here's what Dr. Sears says in his "Discipline Book"

"The beauty of human nature is its resiliency, the ability to bounce back from a poor start and have a happy ending. Yet reconnecting can be complicated by develpmental mistimeing. If you connected early, you were bonding when your baby wanted to bond. Trying to connect with the older child is more difficult because you are trying to bond when the child is working on breaking away. Still, its never too late to get attached. ...no matter what your child's age, step one on the road to recovery is to examine the depth of your parent-child connection. If it is weak, strengthen it. Remember, a child's attitude wasn't built in a day, and you may need to devote six to twelve months to the reconneciton process. This time may include drastic lifestyle changes, a high frequency of focused attention, and lots of time just having fun with your child. One parent we know home-schooled her six year old for a year; another father took his seven-year-old with him on frequent business trips. One parent described his reconnecting process with a difficult child: 'It was like camping out with our five-year-old for a year.' Whatever you need to do to shorten the distance between you and your child, do it. "

[Sandollar]

Thanks for that, wow a year, I guess I was expecting a week and everything would be great ( not really but you kwim) we have started having "date days" wher he and I go out and sometimes he doesnt want to go :(I dont blame him, we've done movies, park, stuff like that, it seems to help Thanks everyone :amen

[BornFreeBaby]

I also wanted to say that in the Dr. Sear's books, it was referring to severe behavior problems in children who were very "detached" children. It may not take a year with your child. It does take lots of patience and really listening to your child. I started late with dd when she was12 mo. old, and she experienced separation anxiety late and I am still dealing with it 1 year later, but I am making up for lost time when she was very much detached from me. Stick with it! It will pay off! :tu

[AngelBee]

Oh.....someone should write a book on this. It would help a lot of mamas. :heart