Reassurance needed re: being harsh

[sarahtar]

Alright, well, the last few weeks have been pretty bad for me and though I haven't posted here for a few months I know I can count on you ladies for reassurance and sage advice.

I've been kind of harsh with my DS (19 mos) the last few weeks. I don't know why. I've been in a funk, I guess, and he's irritating me more and more. I snap at little things, I've shouted, I've (hanging my head) thrown a few toys across the room in anger, I've been just a STELLAR role model. And I think it's affected our relationship. We used to be so attached, and now I feel all disattached. He doesn't seem to particularly enjoy my company. It seems like he only comes to me when he needs to nurse, but otherwise prefers Daddy, especially when he needs comforting.

And we seem to be caught in a downward circle. I'm more irritable, he's more naughty, I feel like I need to set more limits, he tests them more, I get more irritable, he gets more naughty, etc. This is not the first time this has happened - I seem to go through phases where I'm just not a happy person and then I'll be fine for a few months, and then back.

At any rate. I have pledged anew to be more patient, and we're making some positive steps. I'm saying some affirmations every day and choosing to see DS in a positive light instead of a negative one. (Because, after all, I doubt he's actually just trying to make me mad on purpose.) I'm also going to start working less and playing more. (He doesn't even want me to play with him much these days...)

But please tell me this is repairable. I feel like the bad example in all the "positive discipline" books.

[Singingmom]

It sounds like you're on the right track. :hug If you weakened the relationship with your irritability, it makes sense that you can strengthen it and rebuild it with lots of love and kindness.

Is everything ok? Is your dh mean to you or something like that? Are you feeling depressed? It can be hard not to take it out on your dc when you're struggling with a lot.

[Wonder Woman]

:shrug I yelled at ds today, too. :blush I got AF, my breasts hurt like crazy, and he decided to flip off the bed backwards while still attached to my nipple. So I yelled. Then I picked him up and said "I'm sorry. I should have used my gentle words, and I didn't.Will you forgive me?" He said yes, and then asked to nurse again. I explained that I was hurting too badly, and he could try again later, to which he responded exactly like you would expect a 24 month old to do :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit :hissyfit That was him...not me. :giggle

Days where i feel disconnected and not as attached are usually hormone related. I have to force myself to connect on those days - lots of extra hugs and cuddles and kisses, and lots of apologies when I don't parent how I should.

At 19 mo, ds preferred Daddy over me any day, no matter how connected we were. :shrug I'm a SAHM/WAHM, and at 19 mo ds required a LOT of redirection/distraction/boundary enforcement. Daddy swooped in the door from work and played with him while I cooked supper and did some WAHM stuff. He was new and exciting. I was the milk machine. ;)

Ds is constantly flipflopping as to which of us he prefers any given day.

Also...where this had been ongoing for a few weeks - have you been able to get any "just you" time to relax? I don't mean abandon your ds, or even leave him with a sitter. Just go somewhere relaxing (even the bathtub) for an hour while your dh watches your ds. When I'm stressed to the max, an hour by myself will recharge me for days on end.

:hug Hang in there....just the fact that you are seeking help with this shows what a loving Mama you really are.

[Mamatoto]

From your post I am wondering if you are struggling with depression...or even bipolar disorder? The extreme irritability was a red flag to me and the okay for a few months then back to being that way...raging enough to throw toys. I think you are suffering a lot and may not even know how much of an impact this is having on all of you..yet you are now getting glimpses through the disconnection. :hugheart

[MarynMunchkins]

:hug He'll be okay. I didn't even start GBD until Doug was 4.5, and he relatively normal. ;)

[Joanne]

At any rate. I have pledged anew to be more patient, and we're making some positive steps. I'm saying some affirmations every day and choosing to see DS in a positive light instead of a negative one. (Because, after all, I doubt he's actually just trying to make me mad on purpose.) I'm also going to start working less and playing more. (He doesn't even want me to play with him much these days...)

This is very fixable. In addition to the affirmations and commitment to be patient, I'd add a decision to *build* positive feelings. Touch him, play with him, develop rituals, songs, sing-songs, rhymes, go-stay games and other things that help him feel loved and help you feel more physically connected and loving.

Books:

I Love You Rituals
Playful Parenting by Cohen

[sarahtar]

Thanks, mamas. I don't think it's bipolar, but I'm suspecting it might be hormonal. I don't have AF yet, but my face usually breaks out towards the end of a particularly difficult stretch, which makes me wonder if I"m slowly starting to go through the cyclical hormone changes again.