Help me w/ DS please!

[Lantern Light Mama]

DS (4) has been yelling whenever I get DS (2 months) to sleep. He talks so loud but only when its #2's sleep time. Im growing frustrating.

Also, no matter how many times I kindly ask him to "Please put your poop in the potty, not in the underwear." He still does it in the underwear. If I wait for him to toilet train himself it might never happen.

Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas?????

[Joanne]

I get DS (2 months) to sleep. He talks so loud but only when its #2's sleep time. Im growing frustrating.

Also, no matter how many times I kindly ask him to "Please put your poop in the potty, not in the underwear." He still does it in the underwear. If I wait for him to toilet train himself it might never happen.

Any thoughts, suggestions, ideas?????

Put him back, without shame, in a diaper and revisit the issue in a few months.

For the adjustments related to a new sibling......
If anyone is calling him "big" boy or "big" brother, you might want to stop. Calling a new sibling "big" often has counter productive results. Many kids feel pressure instead of proud. They hear "be big" when "little" looks so much better.

Another thing is to talk directly and head on about the baby. Talk about how the baby is warm, cuddly and funny and cute. And *also* talk about how the baby is noisy, stinky and takes a lot of time and doesn't know how to play. Make it completely safe for your child to have very mixed feelings about this creature you call a baby. Tell him it's okay for him to feel however he's feeling about it. Don't tell him *you* feel anything negative towards the baby because then he'll wonder how you feel about him but do validate his feelings, the "good" and the "bad".

Finally, organize rituals around the baby's sleep that help your older child feel loved. Make staying calm and quiet attractive for him.

[snlmama]

ITA w/ Joanne on the potty training issues. Everyone I knew irl criticized me left and right when I did this w/ my ds #1, but I was so fed up w/ it I didn't even care if it was the right thing I just couldn't do it anymore. Well, a few months later he said he wanted to wear underwear again. I told him to take a week to practice and try keeping his diapers dry and clean and if it went well we'd try underwear. Fully potty trained w/ no fights, etc. that week!

On the baby, good advice from Joanne also. One specific thing that worked for us on the sleep routine was to make the baby's first nap of the day "Mommy and S" time and I'd even turn on the monitor and take ds outside to play. It was a short nap, but it did wonders for my ds ability to stay quiet during the other naps. My youngest was one of those "easy babies" and most days he took 3 naps. The first nap was our outside or play w/ Mommy time, second nap was ds' quiet time, during which he could watch TV if he was quiet and third nap was help Mommy in the kitchen time. :grin

Also, a got a really useful bit of advice from an older mom at church. Every time you make the baby wait for a minute while you do something for your ds, *point it out*. Not directly to ds, but say "Oh, baby, I hear you crying, but you need to wait a minute b/c I'm helping your brother get a drink. Brother needs a drink and he is very important to me." I'm not saying *purposely* make the baby wait and "CIO", but just saying that we all know w/ 2 there are times when the baby will wait a minute or so while you finish up, help ds w/ the potty, get ds a drink ds or whatever and if you make a point of saying that it "clicks" with your ds that he's not the only one having to wait.

It also seemed to help to talk to my older one about what he was like as a baby and get out his baby pictures.

:hug

[mommy2keeg]

:hug2

I agree with what has been said so far. Regarding the potty training, it is completely normal for children to regress after the birth of a sibling. We went through a regression with Keegan when he was 2 1/2. He was dry during the day, but still wearing a pull-up at night. However, after Caden arrived, he regressed completely. So, I spent the next 6 mos. encouraging him to use the potty (never resorted to rewards, but I came pretty close). Finally, after he turned 3, I decided that I was going to stop mentioning the potty for a while. Within a few days of not saying anything, he went potty on his own and within two weeks was completely potty-trained (nighttime too).

With Caden, I waited longer to introduce the concept of the potty because of my experience with his brother. However, when he turned 3, I felt the need to encourage him to use the potty. Needless to say, I should have stepped back and waited because the more I encouraged, the more he resisted. So, I finally thought "okay, let's try what we did with Keegan." Low and behold, it worked. A few days after giving him the potty reigns, he started going on his own and was potty trained (he was 3 1/2...6 mos ago).

With Kaleb, who just turned 2, I put him on the potty when he initiates it, but that's it. In other words, I am a big proponent for stepping back and letting your kids lead you, especially in the potty area.

As for his behavior when the baby sleeps, I went through that with Caden when Kaleb was born.
What seemed to help was utilizing that time as time for me and him. When I tried to use that time to get things done instead of focusing on him, it completely backfired. I am still finding with him that if I can give him that time our day goes much smoother. It is hard having a newborn and a preschooler. Just keep reassuring him that you love him and that he is special. In time, things will improve.