I want to hear what your dh's say who support the family bed

[herbalwriter]

I can't seem to get my mother convinced that there are actually men out there who do not resist the idea of the family bed, or at least co-sleeping with an infant. I would love to hear what some of your dh's (those of you who practice the family bed of course) say in support of it.

[Sara]

Hmmm, I'll have to ask dh and let you know.

I do know this...
He is always trying to talk people at work into nursing and co-sleeping. He approaches it from a practical perspective, telling men that it will drastically reduce the number of times they have to get up with their babies. :giggle

Just off of the top of my head, I a few other advantages that I know he appreciates:
* Having baby close so that we don't have to worry as much about SIDS, fire, etc.
* The nursing all night - he is a big propoent of ecological breastfeeding and of the health benefits for baby

And as far as concerns about intimacy, he does say that it requires some creativity. How boring it would be to use the bedroom all the time. :O ;)

[holmgirl]

My DH has no problem about sharing his bed with our infant son.

He says: I like being able to protect my family, and I feel there is a measure of security I can provide. I personally like snuggling with my baby and wife. Bottom line is, I like to serve my family and if co-sleeping is serving then it's the least I can do.

I just read an article that was about that subject. It was written by a man, and it was called Real Men Sleep With Their Babies. I recycled it.... :doh Maybe cannuke still has hers.

[Marzipan]

Dh says he likes knowing we can comfort her quickly when she is sad or scared, and he likes knowing she's safe, because she's right next to us. He also says "I like having her there because she's sweet and I like her."

[BluegrassMama]

Dh says we get more sleep, our premie who stopped breathing didn't die because I was right there and realized it, baby is warm and safe. We've co-slept with all 4. We did the family bed when #3 was little, because our house was too cold and all 3 were under 3 years old. Normal for us, though, is to move the baby out at about age 2.

[Sara]

Real Men Sleep with Their Kids (http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0838/is_132/ai_n15397323)

[BluegrassMama]

:clap

[boonpnutsmom]

My Dh and I never really even discussed it, it just happened. As I mentioned in another post here the other day... We never took any classes or read any books. Co-sleeping is just something that is done in Hawaii. Its only been recently that our older two are sleeping in their own rooms. DS#2 doesn't have his own room, his room is our room. His dresser is in our room also. So when we say time for bed....he crawls up on his special pillow in the middle of our bed. DS#1 slept with us until DD was born then he was on the floor next to us. DD slept in our bed until DS#2 was about 6 months, then she moved into the crib right next to our bed where she slept until actually just a couple of months ago and she will be 6 in March. So right now, there is only the 3 of us on a consistent basis but all are welcome at anytime. The crib has been put away as it was a space mongrel, but they just come into bed with us now.

DH always liked the babies with us as I had 3 C-sections. We had a basket on our bed with all the things we would need during the night. I nursed them and he cleaned them up, then he would hold us both until we were all asleep again. The older two never were bothered by whoever was younger and waking at night. Sometimes they would get up, but it would usually be to help and then they would fall right back to sleep.

[Thia]

My dh says that he knows dd needs her mamma! She wants closeness and love.
My own addition: sure...how many adults sleep next to someone?

[Havilah]

My husband thinks it's the snuggliest thing ever :heart

[DogwoodMama]

My dh says that he likes it because usually he doesn't have to get up and gets more sleep (if dd slept in a crib, I'd probably make him go get her, etc.) He also likes morning cuddles but says that most of the benefits are really for *me* because I don't have to get out of bed either. :tu (Or at least I didn't until recently when dd has started asking for her diaper changed, water and "food eat!" around 6 a.m. :rolleyes *sigh*. ;))

[Myrtle]

My dh loves it. He likes having dd right there. He says it's a security thing. He loves knowing she's safe and if anyone were to break in or there was a fire or anything, she's right there with us. When someone asked us what we'd do if I got pregnant again, I said we'd pray God would give us a bigger bed. I told dh about it and his answer was, "Ummm, scoot over?"

Of course, it's also nice to have a wife who actuallys gets some sleep and is in a better mood.


My husband thinks it's the snuggliest thing ever :heart


And then there's that, too! :grin

[herbalwriter]

Wow, these are so great! Thank you mamas...I hope more responses come. I am going to collect them, print them, and show them to my mother! ;) anonymously, of course...

Since I am a single mama, I think she kind of thinks that co-sleeping had a role in making my xh feel "replaced" or "left out." Let me tell you, he had issues WAY deeper than that, and would have felt that way if ds was sleeping on the roof. He would have left us regardless...it may have been delayed, but it would have happened. So anyway, I would love to get re-married, and whenever I mention getting remarried, having more children, and co-sleeping, my mother always gently puts in the bit about how that makes husbands jealous or that it's "awful hard on a marriage though." :td (She is glad xh is out of the picture now, though, and is not implying that I should have tried that to "keep" him). But she says the same thing every time I being it up so I know I'm not getting through. She doesn't think there are any husbands out there who actually like co-sleeping; she thinks, I believe, that there are just men who put up with it.

I say, if a man is not mature enough to handle co-sleeping and putting his wife and children's needs ahead of his own on occassion, then I will not marry him anyway. So there. :P~

[Aisling]

:cosleep My dh says he can't imagine not having dd sleep with us while she's small. Since he spends much of her awake time being away at work, he feels like it's been a great bonding opportunity for he and Lovey. Every night we spend time praying over her and talking about what a blessing she's been to us as she's snuggled in between us. Especially during those early days when she was mostly dependant on me for milk and comfort, he really appreciated the closeness and bonding that co-sleeping afforded our family :tu He always says he wouldn't trade it for the world, and likes feeling that his whole family is safe and close by. :hearts

[Dana Joy]

dh is napping with ds right now so i can't drectly quote him. but before we ever met he co slept with his now grown up sons. when ds is cuddled between us he often says "i can't imagine having him be all alone"

[slingmamaof4]

My dh wants them with us especially when they are young. They can't come and get you if something is wrong, they can't talk...how are we to know if something is wrong if the baby can't cry? He was always very concerned about them as babies. When they were sleeping and we weren't yet he would go in several times to check on them to make sure they were breathing and ok. Imagine how he would have slept if they weren't right there when we did go to bed. He wouldn't have slept well at all. When he woke up he could just reach out and feel the warmth of the baby and it chest rising up and them going down. He knew that they were safe, comfy, weren't hungry...momma's nanas were right there and often they were attached. It just gave such a peice of mind. Not to mention he loved to cuddle with them when they weren't nursing. What a sweet bonding time for all of us. I remember when Belle stopped sleeping in bed with us all night because she was getting to hot and asked to sleep on her own...he supported her decision, but told me after she was settled in her own bed that he missed her laying there with us. His only complaint...we needed a bigger bed! Ours is only a full-sized bed. Wasn't too bad with just one kiddo, but when I was pg it was quite squishy and when ds was born still squishy. Still hoping to get a bigger bed soon as they still are in our bed off and on...whenever they want they are very welcome to sleep with us. In fact sometimes I really miss having them in bed, so if I hear on stirring. I will call not loud enough to wake them if they are still sleeping, but so they can hear if they were awake "If you want you can come in here and cuddle." And sometimes no little one comes :cry, but sometimes one walks in and climbs into bed and we all cuddle and fall asleep smiling. :cosleep

[DogwoodMama]

I wanted to mention I was looking at a recent edition of Mothering magazine... I *think* it was last month? Anyway, there was an article in there written by a man called "Real men co-sleep" or something like that. :tu

[cannuke]

I wanted to mention I was looking at a recent edition of Mothering magazine... I *think* it was last month? Anyway, there was an article in there written by a man called "Real men co-sleep" or something like that. :tu

Yup, it's the article that Sara posted the link to. :tu Very good article! I asked my DH to read it.

My DH sleeps in another room, but feels that co-sleeping is best for baby and for me (we both get better and more sleep that way). He doesn't care for the noises that babies make in their sleep and he's a very light sleeper who wakes up if I roll over to nurse DS, so he's moved out for the time being. DS usually gives us about a 4-5 hour stretch of sleep early in the night and DH stays until DS wakes up to nurse, usually around midnight. It's not my preference, as I feel very lonely at night, but it'll do for now. :shrug

[Marsha]

Honestly? Nothing. It doesn't need discussed, it just "is". And to me that's the best response. :nak

[Mother Duck]

Dh says:
It has particular advantage for newborns:
- mum gets more sleep (she doesn't have to get out of bed in the middle of the night to tend to baby)
- baby feels loved because there needs are met quicker than if they have to scream for ages before they are heard
For toddlers/preschoolers
- it helps them feel safe
- comfort if they have a bad dream is right there
For older children
- the family bed is big enough for older children to come in if they have a bad dream or just need comfort
- they still feel part of the"family" as they are not pushed out to make room for the next sibbling

Forcing babies/children to sleep in cots before they are ready harms the bonding processes. It can lead to rejection. Older children natually want there own space when they are ready.


That's my dh's take on the family bed! Actually, it was dh that started the family bed in our house when I was in hospital after dd#3 was born and he was looking after three children under 4 with one a newborn!! :grin

[herbalwriter]

Actually, it was dh that started the family bed in our house when I was in hospital after dd#3 was born and he was looking after three children under 4 with one a newborn!! :grin

I can see why he was motivated! :P

[Lois]

Just asked DH and he said...ummm...I don't know....and I said you gotta do better then that...long pause (while he plays computer game)....he supports it cause his wife want's to do it. Typical man answer but the reason he supports my wanting to do it is because I have informed him of all the above listed reason's it's a good idea. :rockon But that's what I get for asking him a question like that during a computer game. :doh

[MomToDM]

My dh has said that he feels like it helped him and ds bond more since a lot of his wake time was/is while dh works. Dh still loves cuddling with ds and hasn't regretted cosleeping at all. He is a light sleeper though so some nights he sleeps on the couch.

[joystrength]

I can only echo what everyone else has said.
That, and add that my DH is asleep in our fam. bed with both of our children.

Tonight, he told a VERY fidgety DS, "Come here, and let Daddy help you go to sleep," and proceeded to massage his hands and hummmm.

He tells me often that he likes knowing that they are safe and warm and WITH us!

[Heather Micaela]

pause (while he plays computer game)....

:lol this is how the converstion happened here too :giggle

Dh said "well it worked for me when I was a kid :shrug" (Dh even co slept now and then with his mom into early teens. That is the one thing MIL does NOT criticize about my parenting.)

he said that you need to let the kids grow up at thier own pace and they feel secure in the parents bed. When they get older they will not need to sleep there as much but they will know they are welcome. It helps them be secure and attached to you.

as an aside he added that anyone using s-x as an excuse not to co sleep doesnt get it. ther is no issue You can move a a kid to another bed once they are in a deep sleep. Or you can go elsewhere

As for them never sleeping alone - "there is a difference between sharing your bed and making it the only bed they sleep in. as kids get older they can start in their bend and join you later when they wake up or start in your bed and be moved once they fall asleep. eventually they will perfer to sleep apar mor often."

[raquel]

I have to preface what I say with a "We're totally not experienced at this at all!" :) Baby in utero means we're co-sleeping already but y'know not in the way you're talking about.

Anyway, side rant over. :giggle

My DH has been pretty supportive of it ever since I mentioned it and he's currently slowly reading through Dr Sears' Christian Parenting & Childcare book and even from before he read it he was like, "We have to do this koala feeding thing (his nickname for ecological breastfeeding)." My reply, "Oh--kay...how come??" His response? "Well, it means I'll hopefully have more sleep since you'll just roll over and feed the baby and you don't have to disturb me!" :laughtears "Rightio....." We'll see how it pans out in reality come next year I suppose. Lol....he's funny but I'm sure that as he tends to be an advocate of whatever we do he'll get on the bandwagon even more emphatically in a less selfish way as time goes. :cool

[granolamommy]

We started co-sleeping because it's VERY hard for me to get back to sleep if I get up during the night, and it just made sense to both of us to have ds in bed with us to nurse and sleep so that we were able to get more rest. My DH says he like knowing that they are safe with us since their room is on the other side of the house, and if he wakes up concerned about them all he has to do is reach out and feel them. He also loves the all the snuggles. :heart

Ds, now 5, sleeps most of the night in his room, and comes into our bed sometimes. DD, now 3, sleeps in a toddler bed next to ours (on DH's side of the bed), and crawls up with him when she wakes during the night. With baby #3 due in Feb, it's going to get really crowded, but DH says he can't wait to snuggle with another little warm wiggly body.

Actually, the other night, when our bed was empty when we went to bed, we snuggled for a few minutes, talked a little, the DH got up. I asked where he was going and he replied, " I miss my little boy." So he went to get ds and bring him into our room. :happytears

As far as s-x, DH says there are lots more fun places in the house than just the bed. :O

[herbalwriter]

Some of these replies are so sweet - esp. yours, DeAnn! And welcome!! :hug

[ArmsOfLove]

per dh: "It's more comforrtable to me because my family is there and I feel like I can protect you all better; I feel closer to you all; I wish the bed was bigger and I could have the boys in there right now too. I like it because everyone is right there if there is an emergency; I like the closeness because we're family--I love cuddling with everyone. I can't imagine sleeping with just you in the bed and all the kids in other rooms--though I'm sure I'll enjoy that when they are older." :grin

and in the past he's told people who ask about the whole s*x issue that if they only have sex in the bed they must have boring sex lives :shifty :grin

[herbalwriter]

and in the past he's told people who ask about the whole s*x issue that if they only have sex in the bed they must have boring sex lives :shifty :grin

I love this! :lol

[Carrie in PA]

I just thanked dh last night for being okay about our little ones sleeping with us (baby is always with us, but lately our 4yo has been joining us again). He said "why wouldn't I be okay...they're flesh of my flesh." Isn't that sweet?! All our babies have slept with us until they are 2-3 and ready to move in with siblings.

Carrie in PA

[herbalwriter]

That is SO sweet! :heart

[Collinsky]

My Dh went from being skeptical (afraid he would somehow roll over me and smother her LOL...and afraid we'd never have any private time ever again) to being 100% in support of it. He always tries to sell other guys on it, although he knows they think it's nuts. He says he can't imagine what it would be like with a newborn, getting up so often to feed/comfort her...he does NOT know what the sound of a baby crying in the night is!! And the main thing, his favorite thing, is the bonding that happens when you share sleep. It's like while you're asleep next to someone, the very cells of your bodies get used to each other :) . He said that he feels that it has so much increased his attachment with Sarah, and now with Mia, in a way that few other things could. And for men, who often work outside of the home, that time can be so precious when there is about 10 hours of separation during the waking hours. He can't imagine anything different now, he would miss that nighttime closeness so much. So much so that with the advent of this pregnancy instead of saying it's time to move Sarah out, he said: We're gonna need a bigger bed. :)

[Collinsky]

About the fears about no intimacy if you cosleep... honestly, having a baby in the first place is more of a change to that than where the baby sleeps is!! Where there's a will, there is a way, and I have to say that it really only takes a tiny bit of creativity/flexibility to make it work to everyone's satisfaction. You don't have to be some kind of s*x guru to figure it all out - like everything else it can fall into place naturally with the right mindset. Not that suggestions and support aren't helpful... but you don't have to be able to *start out* knowing exactly how it's going to work. I think that idea might be a huge barrier.

[AttachedMamma]

About the fears about no intimacy if you cosleep... honestly, having a baby in the first place is more of a change to that than where the baby sleeps is!! Where there's a will, there is a way, and I have to say that it really only takes a tiny bit of creativity/flexibility to make it work to everyone's satisfaction.


:amen :tu There are so many other factors that inhibit our sexual activity. I highly doubt taking DD out of our bed would give us more intimacy time. However, if she could magically fall asleep on her own in 10 minutes. That would be cool! :grin

Our DD, who just turned 5yo, still co-sleeps w/us. We never really had a set plan for how long she would co-sleep w/us. In fact, when she was 16 mos, we tried transitioning her to a mattress on the floor, but it wouldn't take. I thought it would give me some sleep b/c I was falsely assuming that she was nursing umpteen times a night b/c I was waking her up. Then we had some stressors in our life, then DD had life-threatening surgery at 3-1/2 and then we thought we would be moving and then we *did* move out of state. :phew So, there has never been a good time to transition her to her own bed, though she talks about having the whole princess bedding ensemble someday.

But back to the original poster's request--DH absolutely supports the family bed. We have a big king size bed and one child, so that makes it a bit easier. He loves snuggling up with her. He admitted that it would actually be an adjustment for him to have her in another room and not close by. We've all settled into a nice cozy space. DD wakes up in a good mood and is so fun to wake up next to. Since she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night, but rather sleeps like a log, it's all heaven! :cosleep :hearts

cindi

[ArmsOfLove]

And the main thing, his favorite thing, is the bonding that happens when you share sleep. It's like while you're asleep next to someone, the very cells of your bodies get used to each other . He said that he feels that it has so much increased his attachment with Sarah, and now with Mia, in a way that few other things could. And for men, who often work outside of the home, that time can be so precious when there is about 10 hours of separation during the waking hours. dh has also said this in the past. :heart

[herbalwriter]

I am resurrecting this thread because I would love to hear more!

My mom *still* says it would take a "very special man" (i.e., there is no one) who would want to share his bed with his baby/child. I have no doubt that your spouses are indeed very special :heart, but I still don't think it's that freakish a thing for a man to accept. She thinks it is something I will have to give up if I am ever going to "get a man" and remarry. Of course, by the time I am near being remarried (and I will be married before any man in my life is anywhere NEAR my bed), ds will be much older and probably sleeping on his own. Heck, he may be married himself by that time. :P~

[ozmummy]

When ds (now 6yo) was born, dh kept wanting to have him in our bed. At that stage, we had a cradle next to our bed. I didn't know anything about AP. I said, no we can't because then we'll never get him out - I don't want a 2yo in my bed because that's the only way he'll sleep. Then when he was 3.5 I found out about the whole world of AP/GBD etc...then when I approached dh about a family bed, He was wondering why we hadn't done it sooner when he originally wanted to...
Now we have 5 in the bed, with ds, dd (2.5yo) and bubba (8 weeks) a bit squishy. But I can't imagine what I was thinking earlier on

[Marsha]

I am resurrecting this thread because I would love to hear more!

My mom *still* says it would take a "very special man" (i.e., there is no one) who would want to share his bed with his baby/child. I have no doubt that your spouses are indeed very special :heart, but I still don't think it's that freakish a thing for a man to accept. She thinks it is something I will have to give up if I am ever going to "get a man" and remarry. Of course, by the time I am near being remarried (and I will be married before any man in my life is anywhere NEAR my bed), ds will be much older and probably sleeping on his own. Heck, he may be married himself by that time. :P~


I do think it may take a special person to come into a relationship and sleep with your child. JMO. But by the time we had a child, we had had a year or so of sleeping together in the same bed. We had established a couple-ness if you will. I think the dynamics of which you are speaking are indeed very different. NOt to say it won't happen, but I wouldn't bash a man who balked at it, honestly.

[herbalwriter]

I do think it may take a special person to come into a relationship and sleep with your child. JMO. But by the time we had a child, we had had a year or so of sleeping together in the same bed. We had established a couple-ness if you will. I think the dynamics of which you are speaking are indeed very different. NOt to say it won't happen, but I wouldn't bash a man who balked at it, honestly.

No no, this isn't what I mean...I wouldn't expect a second husband to co-sleep with ds. Ds will likely be old enough to have his own bed by the time I remarry, and I would make it a point to transition him to his own bed before remarrying (delicately, of course...I don't want ds to have resentment). I should have clarified here! What I was referring to is a man who is willing to co-sleep with our children we have together.

...if I do meet someone and we desire to get married before ds is ready for his own bed, then you all will be bombarded with posts about how to deal with it. :mrgreen

[Marsha]

I do think it may take a special person to come into a relationship and sleep with your child. JMO. But by the time we had a child, we had had a year or so of sleeping together in the same bed. We had established a couple-ness if you will. I think the dynamics of which you are speaking are indeed very different. NOt to say it won't happen, but I wouldn't bash a man who balked at it, honestly.

No no, this isn't what I mean...I wouldn't expect a second husband to co-sleep with ds. Ds will likely be old enough to have his own bed by the time I remarry, and I would make it a point to transition him to his own bed before remarrying (delicately, of course...I don't want ds to have resentment). I should have clarified here! What I was referring to is a man who is willing to co-sleep with our children we have together.

...if I do meet someone and we desire to get married before ds is ready for his own bed, then you all will be bombarded with posts about how to deal with it. :mrgreen


Sorry Leah. I think it just happens. It's hard to say before the baby is born what you will or will not do most of the time. Most dads who act opposed to family bed are just fine with in the concrete. The abstract they have difficulty with.
If you wanna know my secret, I didn't ask, I just did it. It was survival. OUr first woke every hour and liked to hang on the boob forever.To even function at a minimal level, she needed to be in our bed with me.
It wasn't even a question with the second. It's the only time she gets to be alone with me...well, without her sister .
It'll work out.

[herbalwriter]

Thanks. You are so right. :heart

What do some other supportive dhs say???

[Iarwain]

Iarwain's husband here.
We started co-sleeping when our DTSs... ? (dear twin sons?) were babies. There just wasn't enough time between feedings when alternating between the two, and often both at the same time. :clap she really is an amazing woman. As for putting them in a crib after finally getting one to sleep, no. Cuddliness of that magnitude us just not possible to put in another bed. It is also a safety issue with SIDS, we have had several close calls now between our five. As for the bonding and closeness and trust that is grown from snuggling your child to sleep, or being there in the middle of the night BEFORE the baby feels alone and frightened, well, I think that if those things are truly meaningless to you, I pity you and no number of testimonials or even scientific research studies are likely to change your opinion. (but I bet a week snuggling your baby to sleep will :D ) Well, there it is, from the horses mouth as it were.

Leah, you said your mom said "it would take a special man to..."


you could just inform her that if he is not special, you would have no intention of marrying him. :P~

...or not.

[herbalwriter]

Leah, you said your mom said "it would take a special man to..."

you could just inform her that if he is not special, you would have no intention of marrying him. :P~

...or not.

:clap :clap :clap :clap :clap
I LOVE this!!
I love what else you said, too.I need to go through and copy and paste these in a file on my hard drive...I think they are so awesome. This is the first time one of the dh's has written in himself! You're a celebrity! :mrgreen

[Iarwain]

I hope it was OK to have my dh post here. I figured he'd be more forthright if I just gave him the keyboard. (What is it with guys and things with buttons and/or keys?) Anyway he is all for co-sleeping and if I were to suggest that we put our babies in another bed right off he'd have a fit. It did start off as a survival thing for us, but he really had no objection from the start and once he figured out that meant he didn't have to get up to fetch babies for me (remember we started with twins) I couldn't have talked him out of it if I'd tried. I think he knows when he's got it good. :D

ETA: Wait'll I tell him he's a celebrity now! :lol

[herbalwriter]

:roll
Does your dh have a brother? ha ha :P~

[Iarwain]

:roll
Does your dh have a brother? ha ha :P~


Um, yeah, but you don't want him! Trust me on that one.

[herbalwriter]

Oh shucks.

I am hijacking my own thread... :O :giggle

[illinoismommy]

:popcorn

[OliveJuice]

Well my dh was the one who actually initiated the family bed with our first baby. My dh says he LOVES it b/c it helps him feel close to his children since he is gone at work; He can feel like he is being a more involved parent by co sleeping since it is usually me who does most of the care of the children when they are small

FWIW, I know several men who do cosleep, do enjoy it, but would NEVER admit it or talk about it b/c it is taboo or cliche in our society.

[herbalwriter]

FWIW, I know several men who do cosleep, do enjoy it, but would NEVER admit it or talk about it b/c it is taboo or cliche in our society.

That's so sad. :sad2 It's great about your dh, though! :tu

[luvinmykidz]

I like being able to protect my family, and I feel there is a measure of security I can provide. I personally like snuggling with my baby and wife. Bottom line is, I like to serve my family and if co-sleeping is serving then it's the least I can do.

My husband said "DITTO" to that!! :tu :yes

[Love_Monkey]

My dh is leading a session at our LLL conference in July. Here is his session description:

Co-Sleeping – What’s in it for Dads?
Many men are concerned about the “family bed.” Will my wife and I ever have privacy again? Will my child ever sleep alone? Will I ever have sex again? Hear perspectives and advice in this open forum led by two experienced dads.


Obviously he is a strong supporter. I :heart him!

[herbalwriter]

Wow, Danielle! I'd like to hear more about that. :popcorn

[Love_Monkey]

Wow, Danielle! I'd like to hear more about that. :popcorn


Not sure what you want to hear. I'll say that we both thought co-sleepers were crazy people before we had kids. We patted ourselves on the back with our brilliant decision to never allow any child to come between us. :rolleyes Actually, we didn't have a good model for a co-sleeping family because his brother hated it but his sister-in-law was basically like, "Oh well, I don't care what he wants. This is what I'm going to do." We always felt sorry for dh's brother.

When our son came along and I realized how connected I was and how I NEEDED to be with him during the night it was a tough decision. We had to come to a place where we knew it was OUR decision and just because it didn't work for BIL didn't mean it wouldn't work for us. Add to that a high needs baby who literally would not sleep more than 45 minutes and we made the fretful decision to bring him into bed. Suddenly Marc was sleeping better (2 hours now!) and I wasn't sobbing every morning at 3 AM from exhaustion and resentment.

Now we love having our children in our bed. We've found that what works for us is to start them in their own beds and when they awaken they come to ours. For the first 18 months Rachael was simply in our room and in her own during naptime. I started putting her in her own room at bedtime when it felt right - and it was. Now she joins us anywhere from 1 AM to 5 AM usually. This gives us plenty of time to be intimate and it means that neither one of us has to get up in the middle of the night to put a child back in bed. I really don't understand people who find that necessary myself. Why disrupt everyone's sleep when an extra warm, snuggly body is so cozy and welcome in the wee hours of the morning? Many mornings we wake with all four of us in bed and we both love it.

Sometimes one of us feels crowded but then we can always find an empty kids bed to get away in. I understand some children kick and squirm and it's hard to sleep with that but we started from the beginning so our children are used to sharing sleep. They know if they wiggle and squirm too much either they will go back to their rooms or mommy will go to their room.

It's not for everyone I know but I'm so glad it is for us. And I'm extra glad that dh has become a strong supporter and vocal advocate for co-sleeping. He has often encouraged a new dad to "give it a whirl!" He's told men that they might find they have an extra-rested wife who actually wants sex and feels strongly attached to their baby. Plus, those sweet moments when you can watch them sleep in your arms are some of the most precious known to man.

I'm a lucky girl. :hearts

[herbalwriter]

Danielle, that is so compelling! I was interested in what your dh was telling these folks he was speaking to, and I think you covered it! I am single now, but should I remarry, I want to get straight on this issue before marriage. And having this wonderful thread with different men's thoughts (via their wives!) is fabulous. If I have a new dh, I will have to put him in contact with your xh! :mrgreen

P.s. what did you do about intimacy those first 18 months, before there was a separate room for the baby? Did you just "get creative" like a lot of these mamas indicated?

[hink4687]

Well my DH travels for his job a lot (airline pilot) so in the beginning I only slept with DS when DH was gone. I didn't think he would want to sleep with DS and we never talked about it a whole lot. Finally he told me he was jealous of me getting to sleep with DS and him not getting to. So that's when we moved him to our bed permanently! And he loves it now because since he's gone all the time he can make up for lost time with the extra cuddles at night.

[Jillian]

:popcorn