Clingy older children

[MeandMy4]

What is it with clingy children? I have 4 kids and the only one who can cope on their own is my dd, and she's always been pretty OK leaving me since she was little. My 3 boys, well they're another story. I guess I thought that my kids, being essentially raised by AP methods, would feel secure and loved enough to be happy to be apart from me as they grew older, but sometimes I wonder. I'm more than happy for the 2year old to still be close to mummy (actually I don't want him to grow up :)), but I'm so often smothered by the other boys as well. Is it strange for a 7year old to be still so attached to his mother? He hates leaving me, doesn't cope if I have to go out at night, even though I've always gone out to things, say once a fortnight, since he was a baby. Sometimes I don't tell them if I'm going out until the last minute, cos in some ways it actually works better not to 'prepare' them beforehand. But then I guess they mustn't be sure if I'm going or not, cos they get this suspicious thing where I only need to walk down the stairs during the day and one of them will leave what they're doing and run down and call out 'where are you going?" and I say "I'm just going to the laundry', :rolleyes. Sometimes makes me feel like running!! I thought that by about this age they started to move away from their mothers towards the father. I still love the hugs and all, and love that they are affectionate boys and I guess I encourage them to be like this, but is it possible for a child to be too attached to a parent?

[MarynMunchkins]

Doug is like this too! :banghead It's annoying - Colin does better when I leave than my 6 year old!

No advice, but lots of sympathy. Especially when you have several kids to situate, it's frustrating to have the oldest one being the issue.

[Joanne]

I guess I thought that my kids, being essentially raised by AP methods, would feel secure and loved enough to be happy to be apart from me as they grew older, but sometimes I wonder. I'm more than happy for the 2year old to still be close to mummy (actually I don't want him to grow up ), but I'm so often smothered by the other boys as well. Is it strange for a 7year old to be still so attached to his mother? He hates leaving me, doesn't cope if I have to go out at night, even though I've always gone out to things, say once a fortnight, since he was a baby.

I'd say that feeling smothered by your children is a sign that something needs to change. I have many other thoughts on the topic. I'll link them. Some may resonate as true for you.

http://morejo.blog-city.com/neediness.htm

http://morejo.blog-city.com/high_need_children_made_or_born.htm

http://morejo.blog-city.com/permissiveness.htm

I expect and insist that my school age children make it safe and pleasant for me to get my needs met in healthy ways. Being able to exercise uninterupted. Being able to leave while they are in the company of someone loving, safe and known. Being able to eat while my food it hot (or cold).

[MarynMunchkins]

Joanne (as usual ;) ), I agree with you 100%. And Doug can play alone and just with his siblings remarkably well. :) It's just that my going or doing anything without him is a huge issue. I was walking him into his classroom every morning, and he would cry when I left. So I started dropping him off at the car rider lane and he goes happily. :hunh :scratch Or I'll take him to church and he'll cry if he's the first or last kid that I drop off. If I do him between Ana and Colin, he does fine.

I don't mind pushing. :shrug But it would be nice not to have to do it all the time. ;)