Beauty4Ashes
10-02-2005, 09:03 PM
I just need to ramble a little about something pleasant…Dh was saying that Danny (our younger son, 3 months) just looked so grown up today in his black pants and sweat shirt that says “we’re going to the zoo”. Bashar, he says though, acts like he is younger, he is more clingy and cries more. (For me, I don’t mind, they are both still babies!)
I feel sometimes like I poured all my hopes and childish dreams into Bashar. I used to talk to him a lot before he was born, tell him all that I was seeing around me, and in general I was so excited about his birth because it had taken us a long time to conceive.
Danny, I feel, I poured my fears and worries into him. My Danny boy was a surprise blessing; I didn’t know about him until I was almost in the third trimester. It was an easier pregnancy physically, but emotionally, I was a wreck. People were saying that I would have to wean our son. Dh was going to be starting a new specialty around the time that Danny would be born, longer hours, how on earth would I manage with two boys. I felt guilty about Bashar not being in the limelight for very long before he would have a new brother. Then there was the fear that I would not be able to love the new baby as much as I loved Bashar. When things were rough with Bashar, I felt angry about being pregnant. Now we joke about how I was only pregnant with Danny for 3 months, but at the time, it was really hard. Of course now that Danny is here, I love him so much, from the moment that he was born. He is so soothing. He has this look on his little face that seems to say “everything is going to be okay”. He only cries if he is hungry or overstimulated and wants to sleep. I worry sometimes that his needs might not be met since he rarely cries, so I make sure to hold him more, sleep with him next to me all night long (rather than put him in the bassinet next to our bed), and hug and kiss him all the more.
I am not sure what was the purpose of this post, just rambling, I guess…
Tammy
I feel sometimes like I poured all my hopes and childish dreams into Bashar. I used to talk to him a lot before he was born, tell him all that I was seeing around me, and in general I was so excited about his birth because it had taken us a long time to conceive.
Danny, I feel, I poured my fears and worries into him. My Danny boy was a surprise blessing; I didn’t know about him until I was almost in the third trimester. It was an easier pregnancy physically, but emotionally, I was a wreck. People were saying that I would have to wean our son. Dh was going to be starting a new specialty around the time that Danny would be born, longer hours, how on earth would I manage with two boys. I felt guilty about Bashar not being in the limelight for very long before he would have a new brother. Then there was the fear that I would not be able to love the new baby as much as I loved Bashar. When things were rough with Bashar, I felt angry about being pregnant. Now we joke about how I was only pregnant with Danny for 3 months, but at the time, it was really hard. Of course now that Danny is here, I love him so much, from the moment that he was born. He is so soothing. He has this look on his little face that seems to say “everything is going to be okay”. He only cries if he is hungry or overstimulated and wants to sleep. I worry sometimes that his needs might not be met since he rarely cries, so I make sure to hold him more, sleep with him next to me all night long (rather than put him in the bassinet next to our bed), and hug and kiss him all the more.
I am not sure what was the purpose of this post, just rambling, I guess…
Tammy