specific suggestions for raising girls?

[mamatogands]

mamas -- how have you raised or are you trying to raise happy, healthy girls in our poisonous culture?
how do you protect them from being sexualizized, body-image nonsense, low self worth nonsense?
dd is only 4 and a half and she is already noticing the beauty standards out there.
argh! :mad

[phathui5]

Well, my dd is only two, but she doesn't watch TV and I'm not planning on having her start, well, ever. She and ds are occasionally allowed to watch stuff like VeggieTales or the Magic School Bus so I can shower. But I think that kids pick up a lot of bad body stuff from TV, so we're not having that be an influence.

Another tip: When I was a teenager, I read Teen, Seventeen and CosmoGirl. I learned a lot of negative stuff from them, about how the most important things were to impress guys and look sexy. My dd won't be reading them, at least not in my house. I know there are Christian magazines for girls out there and I plan to subscribe her to any of those that she wants.

[Can Dance]

I am going to try and raise dd to believe the sky is the limit for what she can achieve in the world and her gender has nothing to do with it. she can be a mommy, or she can be a doctor to the wilds of Africa and maybe be a mommy at the same time, if that is what God calls her to. I have a strong personality and I hope that she is the same way. that wasn't learned, it just is. that has its downsides of course, but I will definitely teach her to state her opinion and not be shy about it, in spite of what the culture says.
I think if you have that instilled confidence in who you are, its going to help with what the world tells you should be.
Also, it is of utmost importance that her daddy pays attention to her, dates her, tells her he loves her and generally coparents with me the whole nine yards. he has drawn his line in the sand about the birds and the bees though :giggle many studies have shown involved fathers are less likely to have sexually promiscuous daughters, or ones that seek out negative attention with their bodies, whether its completely realised or not. I am going to praise her for her brains, and not her beauty as much as possible. but then, that is a fine line because you still want to be pretty to your loved ones, no matter what your age :)
I guess I am hoping to reason with her about the images that we see everyday and what they tell us. instead of telling her what to think, encouraging her to do so on her own.
C

[AKCristyMJ]

First off....the sad awfull truth is.....it's our culture today, you can't really protect them from it.

Avoiding TV and even some dolls like Bratz dolls and such is ok and may help, I dunno :shrug but also TV can be a chance to sit and talk these things through.
You can point out that TV is fake, ideallistic, and these actresses work out and eat better and less than any average girl should aim for. Etc

The absolute most important aspect in this......is you!! YOU YOU YOU!!
Nothing will confuse and haunt her more than hearing you discuss your own body, weight or flaws in a negative way. OR even far worse...saying anything negative about her, how she eats or any of that!!!

But then again....what woman doesn't critisize herself? :shifty
I think how you do it helps a lot too.

Like sometimes Lidia will see me sucking in my tummy in the mirror and saying "ugh...look at me....boy does that jiggle."
So I try to say 3 things about myself I like, or despite my thighs I say "Thankyou God that I can walk."
Kwim?
Sorry I'm pretty :yawn while typing I may come across blurry.

First realize at age 4 this is normal.
It is more that she is realizing differences now.
She can now grasp that there are other 4yr old who are taller than her, that boys have different voices, that TV shows the importance of looking one way and overall these differences are both confusing her, scaring her and she is simply learning what they are.
It is gradually dawning on her not everyone accepts everyone else no matter how you look, she will realize this as she realizes more and more the importance of friendship.

I saw this all the time as a preschool teacher in my 4-5yr olds.
Some even go up to you and say, "Youre fat" it is mean and deserves action but is really because they are begining to see that difference and sadly get that that is one difference not approved of.
Before age 4 they saw everyone as equals, they saw beauty and worth in all.
But as they grow to need and desire friends.....so too grows the desire to fit in and not stand out.....their brain then over analyzes differences that cause this awfull "You aren't pretty or worthy" difference.

So as much as we can exspress that there in beauty in all.....we can not get past that certain "flaws" will exclude you from friendship.
You have to think again like a kid remembering that time in your life where making and keeping friends was EEEEVERYTHING. As was then....fitting in.

She does not want to look like TV and our idealism....all she wants is to be normal and fit in.
Sadly our society confuses kids way too early on what IS normal and how to fit in.

At 4 she still has far to go, this has really only just begun.

Once she starts to make some regular friends and feels that security then this may dissapear.

It too will depend ON the friends she makes.
What are THEIR ideallistic standards??
If her friends fret too much bout weight, then she might too, if they wear certain revealing clothes....she then may ache to too.


Ugh I rambled on and on.... :hissyfit

Above all be her best role model.
Point out beauty in everything, especially yourself and her. Encourage her daddy to too!! Girls need that so much from daddy!
Above all make sure she knows as she grows that even though everyone may not accept her, or a certain flaw like a big nose or mole is teased.....that her parents WILL always love and accept her, she will always come home to an embrace of praise and an escape from our very judgemental society. :hug