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View Full Version : how long shall i give night weaning?


ally
09-11-2005, 02:57 AM
hi all,

haven't posted much mainly lurking but i am in a confusing place at the moment. I need help/advice/anything! :banghead

my ds has been co-sleeping and bf through the night for all his 2.4 yrs. 3weeks ago i my waters broke while 35wks pregnant. On advice from my midwife we had to wean ds straight away to prevent premature labour starting. At this time he wasn't feeding much in the day at all...only if really upset or bored. He nursed to sleep and woke 1-2 in night to feed and sometimes in early morning had a 30-40 min feed (which i wasn't enjoying at all).
To wean him i slept in lounge room whiled DH comforted him, the first few nights were heart breaking for me :bheart as i head him crying for mummy. I was on strict bed rest so even in the day his mumma had become suddenly unavailable , family and friends were on a roster to come help with him during the day and he became easier to distract as the days went buy. We told him 'boobies' were broken and mummy was 'sickee'
11 days later i gave birth to DS#2 at home as planned. I didnt bf #1 until day two when he noticed i was bf the new bubba and he asked for boobie and since they were no longer 'broken' i let him feed...much to the dissapointment of DH.

Anyway #2 got jaundice on second day so we ended up in hospital for 3 nights, this being the first time i had ever been away overnight. By the time i got back home #1 had been weaned for 2 weeks. He then came down with a diarrhea and vomiting bug. i decided to return to bf him as he had gone through so much and i thought bf would help him to adjust to it all as well as sustain him through the virus.

He slept through a couple of nights since i have been home and returned to the family bedroom, but now he is screaming hysterically for booby, he awoke 2 nights ago at 4.30 am and as i had decided to keep the nightweaning going i told him boobies were asleep..you can have boobie when sun comes up etc, this went till 6am with him crying, when i feed him in the lounge room as the sun rose
Last night he woke at 11.30 am crying in his intense manner until midnight when i decided to give in, he fed on and off, which i found very frustrating, till 130am when he finally went to sleep, then i was up and down with new bubba till 5.30 am when #1 woke up again crying to feed...which i did. :sa
Then all this morning he feed 10 or more times, he was either crying hysterically if i said no or later...or he was feeding. My DH ended up taking him to park to give me a break..muttering that if i had left him weaned this wouldn't be happening now...
after his day sleep and talking to my sister i decided to let him feed whenever he wanted so i wasn't going on a cry hysterically till he gets bf thus creating a cry/reward pattern. This seemed to work in the afternoon, in that he feed so many times i cant count but we didnt have the intensity of emotion.
i have decided to try to night wean again. I will sleep in lounge room with bubba and leave #1 in with DH. If he gets too hysterical he can come in with me as DH has to go to work so needs to sleep. But i will still not feed him until sun comes up.
I guess my question is how long shall i try to night wean....? As he is a high needs/high spirited little boy his crying is so intense i find it really hard to be strong. Also he has had such an up/down last few weeks i don't want to add to it all any more then i have to but i figure if i don't continue to night wean now i will have to leave it for several months and i don't know if that is fair on new bubba and family as a whole?

Does this make sense?? any one been here with an intense little one?
:pray

milkmommy
09-11-2005, 04:40 PM
Why is your DS wanting to nurse at night? I'd really ask that question is is he needs the milk? is he jealous of baby? does he just need mommy. Rather than thinking How long should I give to get him off something (boob) but rather how long will I take to provide him with what he really needs. If its truly the milk maybe pumping some into a cup for him or making a more "scheduled nursing" time for him, if its jealousy or mommy attention (which I suspect) make some special time for him, when we extend breastfeeding beyond just feeding into a bonding time we need to be carefull when weaning we wean from the physical act of suckling but we need to remeber to replace the cuddles the special mommy child bond.
That will take as much time as needed...

Deanna

Earthylady
09-12-2005, 02:01 PM
It's actually really normal for a toddler to increase nursing when a new baby arrives. It's important for them to feel that they still have that special bond with you and you aren't just saving it all for the baby.

:tu For going to bf your toddler! I'm proud of you!

I can't really tell you what to do, but I would definately try to give it some time and realize that your little guy is going through a whole bunch right now with a new person in the family and the weaning at the moment might be an extra trauma.

Have you read Adventures in Tandem Nursing? It has lots of great advice!

I'm sorry I don't have any immediate helps to offer. :hug Your whole family is going through a lot right now.

Mandy

ally
09-13-2005, 10:04 PM
thanx ladies,

i guess i can be guilty of wanting to hear...if u do xyz then..abc will happen. Which is silly when u are dealing with people and their emotions. :-)
the reason to night wean, which i hadn't considerd before, was that during the forced wean when my waters broke he was able to get through night with cuddles from Dh only, so i knew it wasnt a hunger thing and i experienced some glorious sleep aaaaaaaahhh.

Now i have returned to bf him i also had to take into consideration new bubba which means getting enough sleep as i can to be happy..or just functioning mumma all day :-)
After three nights...and alot of prayer... i am happy with the situation. DS goes to bed with DH (he drives him to sleep) when he wakes up, anytime from 1am to 4am he comes into bed with me in loungeroom were after only minutes of crying (very unlike him) the 1st and 2nd nights and none last night he is happy to have kisses and cuddles from mumma until the sun comes up then he has un restricted bf which he happily shares with new bubba.

i truly beleive if i didn't tanedm feed i wouldnt have the acceptance he is showing for bubba. He pats him while they feed, and even helps put boobie in bubbas mouth..... :hug
i will eventually move us all back into family bedroom but i dont want to rush that, i did before and we went crazy with bed hopping all through night.

yes i got adventures in tandem feeding, which i lent to friend before i read..now desperate to get back!
peace to all
ally

flowermama
09-14-2005, 01:12 AM
I'm so glad things are going better and that you and your son are feeling more content and connected! :heart I remember my dh also used to drive our first child to sleep after our second child was born. :)

i truly beleive if i didn't tanedm feed i wouldnt have the acceptance he is showing for bubba. He pats him while they feed, and even helps put boobie in bubbas mouth.....

That's so sweet! :heart

:hug