Parenting partners (or do you see you and DH as equal partners in parenting?)

[joystrength]

Just looking for some feedback:
Do you see your DH as your 100% and 100% partner in parenting? Or do consider yourself more the nurturer/caregiver and he the wrestler/provider/enforcer? Does your DH "parent" as much as you do? Just looking to see how things work, in a practical way, at your house.

For us: It's a 2-person job. Yes, DH works all day, and I don't always expect him to jump right into Daddy mode when he walks in (but he ALMOST ALWAYS does). I don't feel bad about expecting him/asking him to put a child to bed or change a diaper, etc. We discuss our parenting decisions, and I try to keep him filled in on what has been going on with our DCs during the day. I tell him details about the doc appts. (there have been a lot lately (allergies, broken leg, etc) ). He supports me as I'm dealing with the children. We pray about and with our children and laugh and giggle and play lots, too. He usually waits until the kiddos are in bed to get on the 'net or do his ministry work, etc. Still, since I'm with the children all day each day, I feel like I know them "better" sometimes.

What are your thoughts, comments, etc, mamas? :shrug

[iplsmama]

I'd say we are probably 75-25 over here. And frankly I like it that way. I do all the kid work and I think that is how it is supposed to be in this season of our lives. Now when the kids are older (mine are 5,4,1.5) I expect he will do a lot more. My hubby is now on board with GBD :tu :amen so I feel much better about him disciplining now, but for a while I would do everything in my power to do ALL the work where that was concerned.

[mackinsiesmom]

For us I think we are equal. Before we moved 2 months ago, I was working nights so he took care of her while I was working. It also helps that as soon as daddy gets home dd wants to be around him and needs his attention. He is good about asking for time off for doctors appt (for either her or I). The one thing he really isn't comfortable doing is giving dd a bath. I understand his fears and I don't mind giving her a bath.

Katie

[MarynMunchkins]

Until 18 months, I'd say it was more like 95/5. :giggle Which is okay with me - as long as he does the 5% willingly and doesn't complain. Now that Doug is almost 6 and in school, he and I are more like 50/50. :)

[mamaKristin]

We are pretty equal I think. He works outside the home, but has really flexible hours and is totally willing and able to work around our family's needs...and he is all over the daddy thing when he's home. Diapers get changed, baths given, games played...he does pretty much everything. We discuss issues together and plan out how to deal with things as they arise. The best is that he gets up with the kids in the am and lets me sleep in a bit. :heart I couldnt' have picked a better fit to parent with! (Doesn't help that I think he helps me make adorable kids too :O) :O

[Can Dance]

I like to say that dh is capable of everything I can do, except bf! :lol

I started out our parenting with the attitude that just because I am female doesn't mean that I know what I am doing. its a pretty sharp learning curve when you are handed your baby and you walk out the door of the hospital. I tried to be, and still continue to be, pretty relaxed with her and dh has adopted that attitude. I try very hard to not critisize him when he is not doing something the way I like. The womanly art of bfing has a great chapter about daddies bonding with their babies at a young age and how that carries them through life. so instead of playing catch with them when they can, you start by changing a diaper and burping them. I am really pleased with dh's parenting, and so far in the GBP department he is on board, though I wish to explain it better. Also, from a psych point of view, the research I have read indicates co parenting is the best thing for the children. it helps in relationships to the opposit sex as they are used to interacting with both genders and are more comfortable. as well, the father/daughter relationship is hugely important for teenage girls to stay away from bad relationships. sadly, this is where many men get freaked out.

just they way I do things. :shrug
C

[Aisling]

:tol I think we're pretty equal (besides during the night..now that's a different story :rolleyes). But as far as how involved/nuturing we are, we're about 60/40. Our style of parenting is very different, though. I can sit in the floor with dd or wear her while I cook/clean, but dh usually takes her for walks, shows her new things, feeds her, and does "the bounce". Our differences used to bug me, but now..as long as he's happy and dd's happy and loved, I'm happy too ;)

When dh feels insecure about how to deal with Lovey in a certain area, I have to remind myself to gently model how to love her, and not say, "you're doing it all wrong!! :hissyfit I remember that I'm with her 24/7, and he doesn't have that oppotunity because he works full time. He usually picks things up very quickly when I explain what dd's routine/needs are in a non-condescending way. And sometimes, he floors me by discovering new ways to comfort dd through his own "daddy intuition". He's usually so proud of himself-it's really very cute :hearts I consider his insight and nuture for dd to be priceless. She needs her daddy :heart

Ashley, wife to wonderful dh (22), mommy to sweet 11mo dd "Lovey", birth doula, friend, musician, artist, writer, and forgiven child of God who snorts when she laughs :laughtears

[boonpnutsmom]

Our situation is a little different than most, with my health. DH does so much more than I ever will. He works 14-16 hour days but still manages to take and pick up the kids to and from school most days. He comes home and cleans up whatever I was unable to, plus takes care of the dirty part of the animals and the house....trash. I do homework, cooking, feeding, and putting to bed, while he is doing the other things around the house at that time. He does bathe them all most times, or at least the washing part and then I dry off and dress them. As far as night time parenting that is mostly mine till 3am. Once I go to bed, he gets whoever gets up. Lilman nurses and then goes to Daddy if he needs something.

[Mama Calidad]

We have equal importance to our home and family, but we don't split the work up 50/50. DH does most of the parenting during the week, because I'm gone to work during the days. He does 95% of the housework. I do 95% of the nighttime parenting (I have the booboos :giggle). I do most of the parenting on the weekends, because I miss my kids so much during the week.

[Radosny Matka]

Yes, I see us as equals in parenting. We may not do equal work at all times in terms of parenting, but we are equals, if that makes sense.

[Close2MyHeart]

DH is as capable as I am of doing anything w/ the children. (except breastfeeding like someone else mentioned ;) ) but just because he is capable, doesn't mean that's how it goes around here. Since he works 10+ hrs/day (gone for 12+) I'm alone w/ the children from the time they get up(minus about 10 mins) to the time they go to bed. (He doesn't ALWAYS work that much, but he has for quite a while now) That makes me their primary/almost only 'parent' at the moment. (not that I'm saying he doesn't parent... I'm just saying that they are w/ only me 99.9% of the time now, so all the parenting issues are mine to deal with)