The Birds and the Bees

[SPKarenO]

I'm not sure where this should actually go, so please move to where it would be most appropriate.

Someone told me recently about someone they heard about taking thier 16 year old to the Dr. because of heavy menstration and cramping. The dr. asked the mother to leave the room, and the mother was outraged. (I'm not sure if it was to discuss sexual activity or to do an actual pelvic exam). Anyway, this mom was really upset at the Dr. and was telling the person I know, that her daughter doesn't even know what sexual activity is...as they've never discussed it. They've discussed her menstral cycle, but not sex as she's not getting married so there's no need.

This got me thinking. And I was wondering what you all thought. When did/do you plan to have the birds and the bees discussion with your kids?

[MarynMunchkins]

We've talked about it, and both Doug and Ana understand what sex is and that it makes babies. They also understand it's for married people. :)

Ignorance is bliss, I suppose...:rolleyes

[poetmom]

We started talking when they were three or four, in age appropriate terms, and have continued from there, adding more information and details as they are ready to hear them.

[mackinsiesmom]

I think we are goiig to start at about 3 or 4. I had really bad cramping and the doctor wanted to put me on bc to help ease the cramps. My mom and step-father wouldn't do it because they thought if meant that I would have sex. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in parents heads.

Katie

[joyfulmomsie]

I would be uncomfortable, too, as a mother. But as a medical professional, I understand that most teenage girls are not as open with their parents around. It is imperative to get an accurate history to be able to treat them properly. If it were my dd, I'm pretty confident that she would come out saying "do you know what that dr asked me, mom? I told him..." :)

We started talking about puberty and menstruation when my dd was 8...I had to buy her first bra then. We took it in stages, a little bit of info at a time. She is now almost 12, and I would not be telling her as much as I'm telling her except that she is in public school, and I want her to hear it from me first.

[cammie_sunshine]

The idea that a 16 year old girl would not know what sexual activity is, quite frankly frightens me a little. What does she think is the purpose of all that painful menstruation she's going through? A girl her age should be educated about such things, and I feel that the younger a child is when they begin to understand the facts of life, the more time they will have to comprehend it all and understand why making moral choices is so important. To be honest, I have little doubt that the girl has some form of information (likely MISinformation) given to her by not-so-reliable means. By not discussing things with her daughter, she has left her vulnerable to influence by other people who may not be as trustworthy.
My husband and I have already shared some age-appropriate information with our 7 year old son and our 5 year old knows much of it as well (I've just recently had my 5th child and my two oldest boys- 7 and 5- were very curious about my pregnancy) Although my children are young, I do have a 13 year old neice whose mother ALWAYS gives her the option of speaking to her doctor by herself without her mother in the room. Usually, my neice tells her mother she WOULD like her in the room - I believe that this trust is a product of my neice's parental sex ed. A 16 year old girl is faced with many many difficult choices in her life, and being ignorant of something as basic as sex, in my not so humble opinion, only puts her in a worse position.

[Aisling]

:tol My family, like pp's, discussed sex in a matter-a-fact manner, giving a little more info as our ages were appropriate. I always felt at ease and able to ask my parents questions about sexual/gender issues, because I knew they wouldn't be shocked..the subject wasn't taboo.

:( On the other hand, my dh was raised in an Ezzo family ( :sick2) were sex wasn't really considered an "open" subject. As a result, he learned a lot of unhealthy sexual views from his peers at a young age, and had no real healthy example to compare the counterfeit to..and he didn't feel comfortable discussing it with his family either :bheart This created a sense of shame in him that has taken a long while for him to get over.

I think our jobs as parents are not to keep our children from becoming adults, but to ease them into healthy, holy adulthood gradually as they find their own natural pace. Maturity is a -good- thing, and I think it's wise to encourage teens to think for themselves while you still have a strong influence over how they think ;)

Ashley, wife to wonderful dh (22), mommy to sweet 11mo dd "Lovey", birth doula, friend, musician, artist, writer, and forgiven child of God who snorts when she laughs :laughtears

[Mother of Sons]

I answer questions as they are asked and I only answer what they ask. For example the questions "where do babies come from?" gets an answer of "From mommie's tummy" They usually aren't asking for the whole story. This pregnancy I finally got "how did it get there" and I answered it matter of factly without any more detail than was asked for. He asked lots of questions. It was really hard for me because my mom wasn't open in any way about sex at all.