we've done it for four nights now are we sleep trainers?

[Dana Joy]

on a night weaning thread i found this link and i think soem one gave me the same link when i asked about our dilemna http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm and i just wanted to share our success.
i am not weaning him at night, i love having him cuddled up against me nursing- my difficulty was the amazing frequency he was nursing. (every hour or so) so four night ago i gave it a time limit i nursed him to sleep at 9 and said to dh sleeping babe and myself no more until 1 am. that night he cried and screamed but we held him loved him and the crying did not last that long- it just happened every hour. night 2 went wonderful he fussed but no screaming, so for night 3 we increased to 2 am. this night got bad, but dh put him to sleep an his chest and so he only cried that one time. last night he only fussed and was content to have his back rubbed. i actually got very little sleep waiting for the full fledged cry that never came. i would be so happy if this works- i need my sleep, but it seems so close to the sleep trainers that i'm feeling a little guilty. its 7:20 here in ca and i'm already stressing about tonight, am i messing with his security?

[lumpofclay]

Personally I think 11 months is too young to be using these techniques. I checked out the page you linked to, and Dr. Jay Gordon also makes a note that his techniques are for older babies (specifically over a year). It's one thing, IMO, to night-wean a toddler who can understand to a better degree that nursies need to sleep. It's quite another, IMO, to night-wean an infant.

I can't say with certainity that you are messing with his attachment, but IMO he is crying because he is confused and wants to nurse, but you won't let him. :cry

I think you need to listen to your instincts. You said you are already feeling guilty hours before bedtime. This tells me you are uncomfortable with your decision.

[milkmommy]

We night weined at 10 months. I think by his age he needs your attention with cuddles and kisses at night more than the nurishment from the breast. (that often) Going from 9 to 1am is quite reasonable. and your not just letting him CIO.

Deanna

[Desert Rose]

ITA with Jessica.

I also read somewhere that in CLW, often the last nursies to go are the ones that are sleep-related. :shrug

[flowermama]

What you've described sounds like such a big change to make in such a short period of time, and with such a little baby (mine just turned ten months old, and he still feels like a little baby to me :heart ). Even Dr. Gordon says he doesn't "recommend any forced sleep changes during the first year of life."

I do understand the need for more sleep and the frustration that can come with waking so often (I think it might be rather common at this age what with teething and all the developmental milestones and business during the day at this age!), and I think it's wonderful your dh is so willing to help comfort his baby. Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution? I bet her book would have some gentle ideas the two of you could use to help your little one sleep longer.

Jessica wrote, "I think you need to listen to your instincts. You said you are already feeling guilty hours before bedtime. This tells me you are uncomfortable with your decision." I very much agree with her encouragement to listen to your instincts. If you feel guilty and anxious, that's a signal to be sure and heed. Dr. Gordon also touches upon this idea:

If, at any point this is feeling "wrong" to you, stop, wait some months and start over. Don't go against your "gut instincts" which tell you that this is the wrong time to get longer sleep intervals from your baby. Your instincts are better than any sleep-modification program ever written.

Another page with suggestions and thoughts about all night-nursing which you may find helpful is this page on Dr. Sears' website: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/t070800.asp

Here's a page on Kellymom's website:
http://www.kellymom.com/bf/weaning/weaning-night.html

(((hugs)))) :pray

[CelticJourney]

One of the things that I learned when I tried to wean my first 'before her time' was that for her milk=love. She cried in a way that was clear she wasn't angry, not frustrated, she was heart broken. At 11 months they do not have the cognitive ability to understand a change from 'milk means love and comfort' to 'cuddles mean love and comfort', they will in time, but not so young.

11 months is about when they start to crawl well or walk, and need to recharge and reconnect with mommy. After all, it's a big scary livingroom out here, especially if you are upright ;). I know everyone needs their sleep, but it is a short season that doesn't come back to you. With such a short transition time, I am not sure you can have confidence that he is transitioning his comfort source as opposed to breaking him down. If you are stressing, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Listen to your heart.

[milkmommy]

I think I should make my post a bit clearer. Its morning and I'm more awake ;) I still stand by my orginal that night weaning at his age isn't the end all. However re reasing your post I do have some concerns I'd ask you to consider.
1) a 9-1 streactch is reasonable but might be too big of a leap if hes used to being nursed every hour. I'd try for just say 15-20 mintues more. or even allowing him the breast and just setting a limit on how long see which works better for both of you.

this night got bad, but dh put him to sleep an his chest and so he only cried that one time.
Gage progress from your child and your own instincts, some steps in gentle sleep training will seem quite simple others will take much longer. For example when we did it with our DD we had little problem streatching from her bedtime to about 1am but the next step was very hard, so we backed away and enjoyed the progress we'd acomplished and allowed her some time to adjust. Eventually she began to take the next step on her own and we gently pushed for a bit more.
Tears can happen and any change can bring them, but they are also their for a reason they help communcate the needs of our child. Listen to them and listen to your heart, both will tell you whats appropiate.
:hug

Deanna

[Dana Joy]

so we backed away and enjoyed the progress we'd acomplished and allowed her some time to adjust. Eventually she began to take the next step on her own and we gently pushed for a bit more.
Deanna

I think that's where we're at.
Last night was unusual since his nap got interrupted and then he feel asleep at 7:30- right after I posted here. And I was feeling guilty so I told dh that I couldn't refuse him the breast when he woke up. Dh (who has all along been supportive) said that he thinks we should at least try to rub his back and love him to sleep if he fusses, but let him nurse if he cries and of course we will adjust the hours of 9-1 since he went to sleep so early. So we went to bed thinking that at (or before) 12:30 he would be nursed. He woke up at 9 wanting to nurse- I was wide awake and felt that it was best to nurse him back to sleep. He then slept till 1:30 WITHOUT waking once. At 1:30 I fed him (at that hour it is really difficult to remember what I told myself going to bed).
Now I know one night that followed a day of messed up naps is no indication- but I'm feeling better about how we are going to handle night time parenting now. If he fusses I will not immediately nurse him- I will pat him cuddle him and if dh is awake we may put him on dh's chest, but if the fussing turns to crying he will get nursed.
We'll see how this goes- you guys are right about him being too little to understand, it just seems like I have "trained" him to nurse all through the night, so if I can train him to do it, maybe I can lovingly untrain him.
Thanks for the advice in the light of day after a night of sleeping I'm much able to be objective and agree with Dh's plan.

[Cherish]

I see youve got a lot of other kids. If the nightwaking is enough to make up unable to function well for your family, I am all for some Elizabeth Pantley or Dr Jay Gordon. I know what I was like when Lily was up 2-6 times a night, I was evil to my family and totally strung out. I cannot do that. My first only woke once a night till she was 20 months old, we coslept, it was very doable. Plus I didnt have a house to run or people to homeschool. But with Lily, it was totally different. I gave nighttime parenting to my husband last August, and Lily is still up 5 nights a week at least once or twice. I just couldnt do it anymore. And here we have a newborn coming, and a toddler who still doesnt sleep well.

[Maggie]

I think your new plan sounds great, Dana! :heart

[Zoesmama]

I was lucky my dd never nursed that much at night. She night weaned herself long before a year and completely before a year too I was extrememly sad and even tried to pump for her but got nothing but a drop in the week I tried pumping. I probably was a lucky minority here.

I like the new plan too.

Its my opinion that if a child eats solids he is capable of night weaning since he'd consume enough calories in day to sustain through the night but I too don't think I'd force it if a child was not ready to do it himself.

[allisonintx]

hourly nightwaking is something that can make a sane person INsane. It leaves zero room for REM sleep that is actually critical to humanity! I don't think that looking for ONE four hour chunk of non-nursing is unreasonable, I think a goal of nightweaning might be. sounds to me like you're making a good decision for your family, in the end.

[Dana Joy]

we've been trying to get that four hours for a week now and it seems to be better - thanks for all the advice and encouragement.

[Soliloquy]

I just wanted to ask if this hourly nursing has been going on since day 1 or if it's recent. I've noticed my DD will nurse every 45 mintues to an hour at night if she's teething or on the brink of a new milestone. When it passes, she'll go back to nursing ever 2-4 hours at night. Sometimes it's easiest to sleep au natural and just let her meet her own needs, so to speak, so I barely even notice what's happening.

I don't know if napping during the day is an option with all of your other kiddos, but I've found it to be necessary to my health when she's going through her marathon nursings at night. I hope you get some sleep, soon!

[Dana Joy]

I just wanted to ask if this hourly nursing has been going on since day 1 or if it's recent.
he's always been a big night nurser- every hour from 9pm to 5am since birth. the only reason its disturbing my sleep is because he cries and bites when he wants the other side. since dh has been comforting him back to sleep the baby now sleeps up to 4 hours without nursing.

I don't know if napping during the day is an option with all of your other kiddos, but I've found it to be necessary to my health when she's going through her marathon nursings at night. I hope you get some sleep, soon!

we public school and they start back on the first- so i'll start napping again then :clap

[doubleblessings]

I just wanted to say that I have also been trying to extend the length of time between nursings (from about every hour times 2 :grin). We have been having some success - usually they don't nurse for the first 3-4 hours now, sometimes another 3 hour stretch, but I usually get tired and just nurse them. One thing that I have found that helps is if I can get myself to stand up with one of them when they wake and hold them on my shoulder then they sometimes go right back to sleep or at least don't get upset, but when I try to stay laying down and calm them then they usually get worked up and I end up nursing them.