UPDATE-Should I leave the family bed to nightwean?

[Shining Light]

OK. Dh and I agreed to go ahead and nightwean Lauren (almost 25 months). I'd rather not but this is something that I can live with if it is done as gently as possible. I need advice though. Here's what we were thinking:
I would nurse Lauren down, as usual.
Once she is asleep, I would leave the bed and sleep elsewhere. (We're planning on this lasting 1-2 weeks. I hope no longer.)
Dh would handle Lauren throughout the night until he gets up for work at about 5:30 am at which point I will come back to bed and nurse her as I have been doing.
Here's where I am not so sure though:
1. I thought it would be best to handle one thing at a time and not nightwean + stop nursing her to sleep all at the same time. Is that a mistake? Should I do it all at once? Or might it be better to start with getting Lauren used to dh putting her to sleep at night while I still nurse her throughout the night. Then, later, we would nightwean?
2. I saw in another thread that cklewis said they followed Dr. Gordon's advice here: http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm (http://www.drjaygordon.com/ap/sleep.htm) That got me to wondering, is he suggesting it is better for mom to stick around for the nightweaning process? If so, has anyone ever successfully been able to do this with a *very* strongwilled toddler who has never learned to fall asleep any other way than nursing (if mom is around)? I'm just afraid I would not be able to handle the intense crying I expect when Lauren can't have her nummies. Actually, I'm thinking it would just make it worse for me to be there-- kind of make her more intense.

Thanks for any help anyone can give.

[milkmommy]

All kids are diffrent but for me personally It was much easier for me to leave the bed for a few nights and let DH handle the wakenings. It just took like two nights and she was fine. DH could just say shhh and pat her back back to sleep with in mintues if I was in the room she was up crawling all over me screaming to nurse.
Honestly if nursing to bed works for you I'd just enjoy it they are little for such a short amount of time, She'll let you know when shes ready to "fly solo" mine stopped nursing to sleep at about 7 months so if you can do it at 2 years I'd just keep it up.

Deanna

[Cindy]

I night weaned my daughter when she was 16 months. I felt it was extremely important to assure her was that Mommy would still be there even if we were not nursing. I held and cuddled my baby, I told her I loved her, and she did cry a lot the first night. But I was there for her. It's going to be hard hearing your baby cry, and it's going to be even harder if you are in the other room and not there to hold and comfort her.

The day after I decided to night wean, my dh suggested it might be easier to just keep it going. So we did quit nursing altogether. My dh took her off for a daddy daughter day at the zoo and she really didn't think about nursing until that second night. She was upset again at bedtime but it was easier than the first night. The third night was easier still, and I don't think she cried at all after that.

I am not saying we did the right thing, I am just sharing our experience. After we weaned my daughter she did become much more independant of me and willing to spend more time with Daddy. She also began sleeping better at night which was something we all needed desperately... Today she is a happy, self assured and very spirited child who seems to have suffered no trauma from her sudden weaning experience.

Now, I should say I have made an entirely different decision for my 1 1/2 year old son. He is even more spirited and emotionally intense than his sister was, and I am convicted that he really needs a gentler, more child-led approach to weaning.

So there you have it, I would pray and make the choice carefully. :hug2

Edited because it appears my active toddler changed the subject line :-)

[Shining Light]

Thanks Deanna and Cindy. I appreciate the comments and feedback. I'm still not *sure* how we'll proceed but it's great to hear what has worked for others. Thanks :)

[Suzanne]

I would think that too much change could really set her back, so I'd start with nursing to sleep and then leaving the room, and do your 5:30 return thing...
:tu

If things go really poorly, you could reevaluate in a couple of weeks, I read somewhere that it takes about two weeks for kids habits to fully adjust...

[Shining Light]

Thanks, Suzanne. That two weeks thing is interesting. We started a little over a week ago and it is going amazingly well. Both dh and I have been shocked (in a good way) at how quickly Lauren is adjusting and how much she understands.

I started out the first night (a Wed.) by explaining to Lauren ahead of time that I was going to nurse her to sleep and then daddy would take care of her while it was dark. Then when Mr. Sunshine comes up, she can have numnums again. She was sad and cried some and was shaking her head no but I just did my best to reassure her and remind her she could have numnums again when it's light out and daddy would be there. So I nursed her to sleep and then went and slept in another room where she couldn't see me. Dh slept in bed with her.

The first night she was pretty angry and dh had to get up and walk her about but in the morning he said it wasn't really that she couldn't sleep without me, the bigger problem was her excema was itching. So then we started using the hydrocortisone again right before bed. We were trying to avoid the steroids but she obviously needs some more intense help and that is the most effective way.

The second night was better but dh still had to get up with her. By the third night, he didn't even need to get up out of bed with her, she would just whimper a little and move over next to him and fall back to sleep. That's how it has been going, with either her not waking at all or only waking once for just about 10-15 seconds.

Two nights ago we decided to have me come back to bed but dh sleeps between Lauren and I. The first night it worked well. The second night got messed up b/c I stayed up late working and then she woke up when I came to bed.

I've just been amazed at how much she understands and how nicely she has accepting comfort from dh. Before she really wasn't interested in snuggling with him b/c she always had me but now, they are having such special moments. It's really sweet and dh is enjoying it :)

So... sorry for the length but I thought someone (anyone?) might be interested in an update.

[songbird]

Thanks for the update. It's really interesting to hear about. Glad it seems to be going so well.

[Suzanne]

I'm so glad its going so well for you! I've been tossing around doing this as well, dd will be 2 on saturday... sometimes during the weekend she naps in a different bed, and has even requested to sleep in that bed instead, but it's too high for me to leave her in overnight... so we may try her bed sometime since it's a full bed on the floor, I can lie with and nurse her, and then leave... we'll see!

[Roma]

thanks for sharing. i am reading up on nighteaning right now too!

[Suzanne]

Roma, there is a chapter on nightweaning in the LLL book, Womanly art... and the Breastfeeding book by Sears also has a whole chapter on it :)

[Roma]

thanks fo rthe reminder. i have all those books and need to :cup read this weekend

i also am thinking about doing a journal on this too. maybe online, i don't know

we've decided to start by putting a toddler bed in our room and i'm going to have him nap there during the day so he gets used to it. but i don't know if that is the best first step. i'm so confused. should we try nightweaning by itself or out of the bed for part of the night too.
i need a nap, can you tell :doh

[Amber]

I'm glad to hear that the night weaning is going well. I was just having a conversation about nightweaning co-sleeping babies with my mom last night. She didn't think it was possible to do without moving the baby to their own bed, but I assured her it can be done. Thanks for sharing your experience. :tu

[Suzanne]

:) Roma, some threads are running together for me, but what is working for dd so far (and we're really not pushing) is that she naps sometimes (not everytime) in our guest bed... I think we're going to start letting her nap in her "own" :lol bed that is a double on the floor, and see if she starts asking to sleep there more often... I love sleeping with her in bed and am not nightweaning YET, so we'll just get her familiar with more rooms than just ours :)

[Roma]

yeah that is my idea too......getting him to nap in a toddler bed and just get used to it. he is getting his eye teeth right now :banghead so i think once the worst of that is over we will start nightweaning.

[Cindy]

Starlene, I am jealous! :mrgreen

I am glad the night weaning is working out well for you :highfive

[Suzanne]

OOOH THE EYETEETH! YIKES!! Sorry for your baby going through that, and you! Delaney didn't sleep for 3 days straight getting those! UGGGH!

I think I'm waiting on her last set of molars to come in before I rush to nightwean. Truth be told, I work during the day and miss the time together, so I don't mind cosleeping and nursing at night... Figure I'm making up for lost QT during the day...