going to sleep without nursing

[greenemama]

:hissyfit

henry (3) still goes to sleep nursing. if dh is with him to go to bed he doesn't (of course :doh ) but if i'm nearby he's all about nursing. and while i'm not really wanting to wean entirely (although i wouldn't be entirely heartbroken if he stopped) i would like to ease him into settling himself to sleep. will this come or does he need gentle prodding. i know that he'll be really furious if i say no about nursing, even if i just let him nurse for 3 minutes and then stop. and maybe it's just not completely worth the fight for me since he goes to sleep in 5 minutes when nursing but without nursing it can take half an hour or longer.

should he still be nursing to sleep? is there anything to worry about since he still *is* nursing to sleep? should i try *other* things with my 1 yo so that he won't be nursing to sleep at 3? am i just worrying too much about it? :shifty

[chelsea]

Hmm, I will be watching this post because I have been wondering too if I should be trying to get my 19-month-old to sleep in a variety of ways so that he doesn't always have to nurse to sleep, even when he is older. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to just lay beside him and have him fall asleep on his own...rather than being used as a nursing jungle gym for over an hour until he falls asleep. :rolleyes

[harmonyfarms]

My ds is 21 months and nurses to sleep. SOMETIMES he'll fall asleep with DH or with my mom if I'm not around. Today at church (I work here 1 day a week) the teacher got him to go down for a nap by rubbing his face! WOW!

My question is, how can we start winding him down. We have never been schedule oriented but I think we need that now. The hard part is that my dh is in school at night and doesn't get home until 8:30. Most of the time Ned would nurse and fall asleep by 9:30. Now he has to be upstairs and in our bed. That is fine, but then DH and I are going to bed at 9:30 too! Any thoughts???

[mylittlemen]

My 3 yo and my 8 mo both nurse to sleep. I wasn't gonna do it this time around, but it just happened!! LOL It isn't a problem except for being kind of time consuming. Plus, it's a juggling act when they both get sleepy at the same time, as dh is only home 2 or 3 nights a week. He can get them to sleep holding them, which, of course, I can't. Smart kids, they know who's got the milk!! I think nursing to sleep is very wonderful and natural, and bypasses a multitude of nighttime woes. Things like I saw on Supernanny never even have a chance to happen at our house :heart While I do believe in it, I would have to say that, like lots of AP practices, it's not the most convenient thing. Elizabeth Pantley has some discussion of ways to end nursing to sleep in her book "The No Cry Sleep Solution". I think they mostly involve having dh help. (When the kids are right next to the "source", it's hard to convince them that they shouldn't nurse!) I haven't been concerned enough about it to try any solutions. I am sure that weaning will happen eventually, and ds won't always be nursing to sleep. I can already see that it's becoming less critical for him. He has always been pretty high-needs and nursing is very, very important to him! I'm trying to work with that and follow his cues. That said, by the time they're conversational, it's possible to negotiate something both of you can live with! It just depends how anxious you are to change things.

I also recommend the book "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler" from LLL. It has great info to help you a) decide if you are really ready for weaning or night-weaning, and b) lots of ideas for how to make that happen in a gentle, gradual way. Sorry I couldn't be of more first-hand help. I am also interested to see if anyone shares methods they used to teach their babies - from infancy - NOT to fall asleep by nursing. (Not sure if I will ever use them, but I'd like to figure it out in case I want to try something different next time. Just seems like they would involve crying???? :shrug )

Hope you find a good answer, Mollie,

[Gailmegan]

:popcorn

Around a year Justin would finish nursing, then walk upstairs to go to bed. He didn't want to fall asleep at my breast, so it was never an issue. Nathan now 22 mos still nurses to sleep most nights, although sometimes he will finish nursing and lie down next to me and ask me to rub his back while he falls asleep. It's not a problem now, but I'm definitely interested in what others have to say.

[ZaksMamma]

I'm also awaiting the golden nugget of wisdom on this topic! My 13 mo son wakes very often during the night and refuses to go back to sleep without nursing each time. (He literally gets hysterical if I don't nurse him. e.g. if I try to just cuddle him, or bounce/rock him.) Any advice would be so appreciated!!

~ Stacie
Zakarie (5/21/04)

[Suzanne]

I think the golden nugget here is what is right for BOTH of you :)

Are you starting to resent nursing him to sleep? I am still nursing my dd (2 on the 20th) to sleep and I rather enjoy the quiet cuddle time together, and it's only for a few minutes anyway... I just don't know how to stop LOL I guess I'll wait for her to tell me!
BUT!
If you're starting to resent it, then it may be time to think of other options... I don't know how, but the LLL has a good book that I read called "How weaning happens" and discusses other methods of getting babies to sleep :)

Good lucK!

[Miss Priss]

I agree with the above poster... if you resent it, change it. If you don't care, then no big deal.
If you decide to change it... yes he will be mad. But mad does not mean you aren't a good parent or that you're doing something bad- it's just mad. I mean- they get mad when we don't let them climb in toilets as toddlers too, ya' know? :giggle

[Suzanne]

Right, there's a difference between "needs" of the child and "wants" and you have to determine if they're MAD or truly upset by the change and can't deal with it yet...
GOOD LUCK! :)

[cklewis]

:popcorn

C

[jujubnme]

What we did to transition was have Julius nurse downstairs first and then have dh take him to bed. This worked really well... he was very receptive to having dh with him, and when I was not in the room he generally did fine without nursing to sleep. (On a couple of occasions he wanted mommy.) Dh always brought a sippy cup of water, which was offered as an alternative drink. ;)

[ozmummy]

I tried to night wean and "going to sleep" wean dd just before her 2nd birthday, because *I* had had enough - very sore pregnancy breasts. I told her no, wait till morning, various other tips offered by Sears and Pantley but she would end up absolutely hysterical, so I would end up feeding her.
Then about 3 months later I tried again, and it was *much* different. I told her she could have "hand booby", where she holds my nipple, and a cuddle. I continually reassured her she could have booby after porridge ie in the morning after breakfast.. The first 2 nights she cried, but nowhere near the previous hysteria, and I was right there, giving her what comfort she could accept. This only happened for 2 nights, and now she happily accepts the alternatives - "hand booby" and a cuddle, and she asks me "Booby porridge?'" and laughs in eager expectation when I tell her "Yes"...
So this was a real illustration of that difference between being a "need" and a "habit" ( I think Sears says it), and though I despaired at times that it would ever happen, dd can now go to sleep without nursing, although I still lie down with her.
I guess you can only give it a go, like pp said, if you're resenting it. You will be able to tell then if it is a need or a habit.

[Suzanne]

Kieran, that sounds good about the offereing for her to hold the booby :) Delaney likes to hold the "lallow one" when she's nursing, so maybe when I'm ready (someday if I ever GET pregnant again) I can convince her to just hold on to it instead of nursing... :)

[chelsea]

I told her she could have "hand booby",
she asks me "Booby porridge?'" and laughs in eager expectation when I tell her "Yes"...

:lol :lol :giggle

[IslandMama]

Then about 3 months later I tried again, and it was *much* different. I told her she could have "hand booby", where she holds my nipple, and a cuddle. I continually reassured her she could have booby after porridge ie in the morning after breakfast.. The first 2 nights she cried, but nowhere near the previous hysteria, and I was right there, giving her what comfort she could accept.


This worked for me too, but I want to warn you, now I have an 11 yo dd and 4 yo dd that touch the booby when they are sleepy! My 11 yo has tried so hard to stop this habit, but sure enough, when she is really tired, she snuggles with me, and the hands start to search! :O

But like someone else said, try to find what works for you! :hug

[cklewis]

Then about 3 months later I tried again, and it was *much* different. I told her she could have "hand booby", where she holds my nipple, and a cuddle. I continually reassured her she could have booby after porridge ie in the morning after breakfast.. The first 2 nights she cried, but nowhere near the previous hysteria, and I was right there, giving her what comfort she could accept.


This worked for me too, but I want to warn you, now I have an 11 yo dd and 4 yo dd that touch the booby when they are sleepy! My 11 yo has tried so hard to stop this habit, but sure enough, when she is really tired, she snuggles with me, and the hands start to search! :O

But like someone else said, try to find what works for you! :hug


I just wanted to say -- that we've been trying "cheek pah-poo" (we call nursing "pah-poo"), and it generally seems to be working.

C