Our cat is gone--how to help a toddler understand

[mama2mychildren]

Our cat went missing 2 weeks ago. I have made an effort checking the shelter daily, flyers, etc. but I honestly think maybe the coyotes in our hills got her. :(

DD still talks about her and thinks that she is at the shelter. She is only two and I have told her so far that Sasha is okay wherever she is at and that she might have found a new family to live with and wont be coming back. She wants to check the shelter daily and keeps telling me that we'll find Sasha. How can I help her realize that Sasha ISNT coming back? Should I just let it go and not worry about it?

[ranade3]

That's hard because you don't have a clear cut answer to where kitty is :(

When our dog got very sick last Nov/Dec the day before we ended up putting him down, dd's pediatrician told me to lie to her about the dog and tell her he ran away. I had already been trying to prepare dd about how the dog was very sick so I just went ahead and told her that our dog was going to heaven. She was with dh in the waiting area of the vet's office when I went in to be with our dog while he slipped from this life into heaven and I was a mess. Dd knew I was sad about the dog and she asked a lot of questions about it. She had just turned three the day before so she's a little older than your dd. Even two months later she would ask me where our dog was, it was so sad, sometimes I would still start crying when she would ask me about him. We got a new puppy 3.5 months after our dog died and dd will still bring up our other dog but it's not quite as painful anymore. So even though she knows our dog died and went to heaven we still ended up discussing the situation over and over again. The discussions now don't come that often 6 months later.

The other difficulty I ran into is that I had explained that the dog had cancer and so he died. Since then my Mom was diagnosed with cancer and she may die too :( I have to be very careful about what words I use when speaking to dd. She knows Grandma is very sick and that Mommy is very sad about it but then she goes up to my Mom and says, "you are very very sick" in a sad little voice and my Mom just says, "not today honey, I feel pretty good today" :)

It is so hard to know what to say to our babies about death. I am all for the truth but sometimes it is too hard to understand and then I guess I would say just enough so the child understands that kitty isn't coming back and not worry about the details. I think in your case I would just tell dd that the shelter has your name and number and will give you a call if your kitty shows up otherwise stick with your original story about kitty finding another home. You never know, maybe that really did happen :shrug

[Heather Micaela]

I will post mor later. Just wanted to give your family a hug :hugheart. I lost a kitty before too :cry2

[Amber]

I have not had to deal with this problem personally before, but I think the best approach would be to keep talking to you dd. Take her to the shelter if you need to so that she can look. Even for little ones there is a greiving period for losing a pet...wether it has run away or passed on. I think it is best to be honest and try to explain things in an age appropiate way. Teaching young children about loss helps prepare them and gives them tools to use later in life.