The baby who cried potty (EC question)

[Aerynne]

We've started ECing our 14-month-old full time now (no diapers except as back up at night, and she usually wakes up dry in the morning anyway). Last night I took her to the grocery store. She was wearing training pants under her shorts. They're really more like underwear, so I had to try to be especially careful to make sure I took her to the potty if she needed to go. I had the potty in the cart (she won't use a toilet or a sink anymore) and twice she told me she needed to go, and twice I took her, and twice she did not go. So why is she telling me she needs to go potty when she doesn't? It makes it harder for me to want to drop everything and take her when she asks. Of course we are not being punitive about it or anything, but it is still frustrating. Any ideas?

[ChristineG]

Well...I think there could be any number of reasons. For our 18mo, she says she has to go potty sometimes when she wants attention or wants me to take her outside, which I often do on sunny days. I also think that an ec'd baby of just over a year has not only learned to recognize the signs her body sends her, but is learning to actively communicate these to a parent and is learning they have some power to make things happen by something they do. So, they like to experiment with this. Not bad or anything, but definitely a bit of a hassle at the grocery store.

With our first ec'd baby, (our second child) I used to take him each and every time he signalled that he had to go. I felt terribly guilty if there was ever a time that I was unable to accomodate him. This was a very big inconvenience to me and to our whole family at times, though I still loved ecing. With our next baby (#3) I decided that I would just do the best I could, but that I wouldn't make ec a major inconvenience to us. We used diapers as back-up a lot more, but dd still consistently retained her ability to control her bladder and bowels from the time she was born.

I have really found that young ecing toddlers are just plain unpredictable. They have good pee days and bad pee days. Sometimes several weeks will go by when you can keep them in undies, even when you go out. Then, all of a sudden, they will regress and start telling you they have to go when they don't and not tell you when they do and have tons of accidents...then, for no apparent reason, they will be back to almost 100%. I think it is really important to see the big picture and not get stressed out by individual bad days (or weeks). For me, when I go out to a store, I will take dd when we first get there. If she is in a good pee mode, I will have her in undies and will take her again after a reasonable length of time. However, if she is in a bad pee mode, I will have her in a diaper when we are out, so that I don't have to worry. I will still take her pee regularly, but if she tells me she has to go potty after it has only been 10 mins, I will just say, "You think you have to go pee? Okay, we'll go later", but not take her right then because I can be pretty sure at this point that she has either misread her body's cues or that she just wants a change of scenery (which, if I accomodated every time, would be a huge pain.)

[Irene]

wow! good for you for keeping the potty in the cart! more courage than I ;)

Sometimes several weeks will go by when you can keep them in undies, even when you go out. Then, all of a sudden, they will regress and start telling you they have to go when they don't and not tell you when they do and have tons of accidents...then, for no apparent reason, they will be back to almost 100%. I think it is really important to see the big picture and not get stressed out by individual bad days (or weeks). For me, when I go out to a store, I will take dd when we first get there. If she is in a good pee mode, I will have her in undies and will take her again after a reasonable length of time. However, if she is in a bad pee mode, I will have her in a diaper when we are out, so that I don't have to worry.

ugh this is where we are at now.... :hissyfit Im so frustrated :(

[Aerynne]

At first I balked at keeping the potty in the cart but then I figured how much attention do I really pay to what is in other people's carts anyway? I heard once you wouldn't care what people thought of you if you knew how little they thought about you, and I think it's true. It's a baby bjorn little potty, so not a huge one or anything.

I think all of your points were right, and we'll just have to take it as it comes.