I need some gentle mommy encouragement

[Ca_mommy]

My DD is now 13 months old. For the past 3 months or so, she has been fighting sleep (at night). She takes 2 naps during the day, each ranging anywhere from 1- 1.5 hours each (I nurse her to sleep for both naps). At night, she visibly shows signs of tiredness. We have a night-time routine where she takes a bath, we have music playing, and change into jammies, etc. I nurse her to sleep and she will start to close her eyes, but will kick or squirm to stay awake. It will take me anywhere from 30 minutes to an HOUR to get her to sleep. I nurse her until I get frustrated (for about 20 minutes), rock her, sing. She just FIGHTS IT!!! After a while, Daddy will have to take over. On the nights where she fights sleep for too long, she goes to bed too late but still wakes up at her usual time and I know she is overly tired the next day.

I can't seem to have the patience to do this anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me. I try to use that time for prayer, but I just get so frustrated that she is fighting sleep when she is just so tired.

We have tried the NCSS but that didn't seem to work. Also, she still wakes up anywhere between 2-5 times per night. Some nights, I am okay with it, but most nights, I feel like :banghead

DH sometimes says that we should've had her CIO from the beginning, but it wouldn't have worked for her. When she was a newborn (was in the NICU for 10 days due to infection), the nurses tried CIO on her but it didn't work. They warned me I'd have a little pistol for a daughter.

I don't know what to do. There are times that I don't want to have another baby because I don't want to deal with this all over again. I try to remember that this will only "last for a season", but part of me wishes for the next season to start up. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

[ArmsOfLove]

You may need to bump up your bedtime by 30 minutes or even more. Some children need even MORE sleep and if you're waiting until you're seeing obvious signs of her being tired before starting the bedtime routine then you might be missing your window of opportunity. I would maybe try cutting out the routine (work it into the afternoon/evening so those things are getting done) and the SECOND you get a sign of her being sleepy I'd say it's time to go to sleep and lay her down and nurse her. hth

[Wonder Woman]

CIO wouldn't make it any easier, on her or on you.
:hugheart
ds went through that phase, too. And it is frustrating. I know he was teething a lot, and Hylands teething tablets/Motrin helped him ease into sleep.
Around that time is when I started getting PPAF, and my hormones set things on edge so badly. There were times I would just grit my teeth while he nursed.

The good news is, it does pass. It really does. Ds is 18 mo now, and still nurses to sleep. But he nightweaned himself. And the marathon nursing sessions are a thing of the past. Hang in there mama, you *can* do this!

[DogwoodMama]

It takes me 30 minutes to an hour to get my dd to sleep as well... I think it's pretty normal... she used to fight sleep MUCH MORE than she does now... now it's more like she literally has to "wind down" and just needs help doing so... but I think (fuzzy memory) that around your dd's age she would literally "fight" sleep as well... she'd try to crawl away, I would have to hold her, she'd be rubbing her eyes but trying to get up and play... I think some kids just DO that... but still it's our job to help them regulate and to help them LEARN to wind down and fall to sleep... as adults we all have our little rituals and things that we do and we welcome sleep... when they are so little I think it's hard for them to understand it's good for them- they have a one-track mind and are so driven to play & explore and do things... but within the past few months dd will tell ME when she needs sleep if I'm not being quick enough about bedtime.. a few times she's gone upstairs and stood next to the bed to tell me "it's time"... but she still would need 10-20 minutes of "parenting" to sleep at those times, even though she was really ready.

It is perfectlly normal to be stressed by this, it can be frustrating when they just won't GO TO SLEEP! :rolleyes But it sounds like you are laying a great consistent foundation, and even though you aren't seeing the fruits of your labors, it will come... change doesn't happen over night, it takes time for sleep patterns and children's understanding and appreciation of rituals to fully develop... but I know it will get better for you, it has gotten better for us... I used to be afraid to even LEAVE the room after my dd was asleep, but now I can leave the room even as she's drifting off and not in a deep sleep. (after 20-40 minutes of snuggling, nursing, and songs usually). But I'm OK with that. :)

Crystal posted while I was typing- definitely watch those sleep signals, the better I am at catching those, the easier she goes down. We don't do a very early bedtime though b/c it is light very late here and we don't get up early, but her body is pretty regulated to a 9 ish bedtime. :)

[Ca_mommy]

You may need to bump up your bedtime by 30 minutes or even more. Some children need even MORE sleep and if you're waiting until you're seeing obvious signs of her being tired before starting the bedtime routine then you might be missing your window of opportunity. I would maybe try cutting out the routine (work it into the afternoon/evening so those things are getting done) and the SECOND you get a sign of her being sleepy I'd say it's time to go to sleep and lay her down and nurse her. hth


Yes, as soon as I see her getting sleepy, I take her to bed. It's before then that we have our bedtime routines. I have even adopted infant massage in hopes that it would help her relax, but that hasn't worked either.

I am so thankful for everyone's advice and look forward to reading others' similar experiences!!!

[malakoa]

DH sometimes says that we should've had her CIO from the beginning, but it wouldn't have worked for her. When she was a newborn (was in the NICU for 10 days due to infection), the nurses tried CIO on her but it didn't work. They warned me I'd have a little pistol for a daughter.

I don't know what to do. There are times that I don't want to have another baby because I don't want to deal with this all over again. I try to remember that this will only "last for a season", but part of me wishes for the next season to start up. I don't want to feel this way anymore.


Dear Sweet Mommy
I feel like this a lot too. I want to encourage you that you are doing the right thing by treating your child so kindly. Especially because she started out in the NIC unit, she needs your tender, kind care. Even though you don't feel tender, you are being so gentle with her and she is learning she can trust you. There is nothing wrong with you - any normal person would react like this! It's hard to be a mom to high need babies! But it's rewarding too because you know you are doing the right thing.

There is a story on ezzo.info about a mom whose baby was in the NIC unit. She used CIO, Ezzo methods and her child has attachment disorder now. Horrible stuff, but encouraging to you that this time in your life may be a battle (sometimes it is for me too) but it will be over and you are running this race with endurance. You will be so glad you did.

Love :hug2
Malakoa

P.S. There is no rule you have to have another baby right away or have to want one right now. I felt really horrible because I felt that my little firecracker is just about enough that I can take. That's okay - that's no reflection on her or me, it's just the way I felt then. If you need more babies, you'll get them and God will make you into the best mom possible for them. He's already doing that now...

[tiglet]

Awww.... :hug to you!

My 11 mo sounds similar to your dd. She also spent time in the NICU, with NICU methods (ergh. don't get me started). It usually takes 30 minutes or more to get her to sleep. And often, nursing won't do the trick. We've gotta walk her around, or put her in the car (this will get much harder if she's still in this phase come wintertime and -40 temperatures). For nearly 2 months, our previously sleep for 5 hrs, then 3 hrs, then 2 hours babe turned into a wake every 2 hours, often much more frequently than that. *Every* night. We were getting exhausted.

So I know what it feels like - it feels horrible. But CIO would feel worse.

And I want to offer encouragement that it is only a phase - for the last 4 nights, our babe has slept in 5 hour chunks. Even if the "go down" routine is still lengthy and all-absorbing. Hopefully yours will change her schedule, too.

:hug

[Soliloquy]

We have tried the NCSS but that didn't seem to work. Also, she still wakes up anywhere between 2-5 times per night. Some nights, I am okay with it, but most nights, I feel like :banghead

NCSS methods haven't worked for us, either, but I only tried them tentatively. I knew from the day she was born that my DD was HN in the sleep department.


DH sometimes says that we should've had her CIO from the beginning, but it wouldn't have worked for her. When she was a newborn (was in the NICU for 10 days due to infection), the nurses tried CIO on her but it didn't work. They warned me I'd have a little pistol for a daughter.

I know it's hard to get thoughts out of your head, but I encourage you to pray and ask God to removed that phrase "you're going to have a little pistol for a daughter" from your mind. I even go so far as to recommend you write to the head of the NICU and tell them what the nurses said and how hurtful it is. Those kinds of words, to an impressionable new mother, can disturb the trust that should develop between a mother and her newborn. Also, it is possible that your daughter has memories/impressions from being left to CIO in the NICU. She may have a fear of being left if she falls asleep. :shrug Frankly, I'm shocked and saddened that babies in the NICU, who need every possible benefit, would ever be left to CIO!


I don't know what to do. There are times that I don't want to have another baby because I don't want to deal with this all over again. I try to remember that this will only "last for a season", but part of me wishes for the next season to start up. I don't want to feel this way anymore.


It's normal to be anxious for a difficult stage to pass. I had to remind myself over and over, when my DD was cranky from teething, that it will pass. I couldn't wait! I agree with the PP that you should try starting your bedtime routine earlier and earlier. I also recommend you move the bathtime to an earlier time--especially at this age, when she's almost a toddler (or maybe already a toddler) bathtime can wind children up instead of calming them down. We give our DD her bath immediately after dinner. She's messy anyway, so DH bathes her while I clean the kitchen.

Is there something you can do to pass the time while you nurse her to sleep? I used to think it had to be perfectly dark and quiet for my DD to fall asleep, until one day DH and I were having an animated conversation while DD nursed. I looked down and noticed she was sound asleep! Now, I feel free to talk to DH, read, or even watch TV while she's falling alseep. Once in awhile, it's too stimulating and I have to keep everything quiet, but most times she's able to fall alseep with whatever is going on in the room, assuming it's not too loud. Also, trying doing whatever it takes to get a little alone time every day to do something you enjoy. Do you have any support IRL? That's been a big help to me.

Sometimes it helps to take it one day at a time--each day is bringing you closer to your DD maturing. It will happen. :hug

[Radosny Matka]

:hug Your 13 month old sounds EXACTLY like my 4 month old. It's hard. :hug