How do you get it out of your head???

[AmyDoll]

My parents were the "threatening" kind (God bless them, I love them dearly and believe they did the best they knew how, anyway,)

Mom was always yelling something usually "XXX or I'm gonna crack your leg!" More often then not it was an empty threat but I'm pretty sure this was her main discipline technique! :/

I'm hearing it in my own head! I hate it :bheart Sam is so precious and little, and I don't really expect him to "listen" too much at this age. But I'm biting my lip to keep from saying it. Seriously, I have scar-tissue forming. Gosh and I'm afraid if I uttered the words, ..... :blush :cry
I need to get it out of my head!!! Help?!?!

Amy

[FlyingBlueKiwi]

Hi Amy, I have absolutely no wisdom on this topic, but the thing that just popped into my head was perhaps finding a suitable Bible verse to say whenever you hear the thought in your head? Perhaps a verse that 'squashes' that thought? ;-)

[AmyDoll]

oooo Mara - that's a good idea --- and btw, i love ur new avatar! i can't believe how big Caleb is!!

Now, I just have to find a "mantra" verse. any thoughts?

xoxo Amy

[snlmama]

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] pure, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report; if [there be] any virtue, and if [there be] any praise, think on these things.

I use this one a lot to get "thoughts" out of my head. :)

[ellies mom]

I'm working on developing a "soft reply" (more to DH than DD). I wear a CTR ring (it's a Mormon thing - stands for "Choose the Right") to help remind me. Maybe you could find one of those rubber bracelets that are so popular right now. A pink one would be appropriate for the cause since we get pink roses on this site. I know how hard it is to change habits. I have a book my Mom gave me on the subject. I keep it by my bed and read and reread it all the time.

[MarynMunchkins]

We use "Love is kind". :) And I've taught my kids to say it to me when I start getting upset. :tu

[chelsea]

I just want to reassure you that you are not the only one. Yesterday I was trying to get my son into his carseat and he was tired and hungry and refused to sit in it and was arching his back and getting mad. We were coming back from an event and had parked our car in a rather questionable part of town so I was eager to get him into his carseat and out of there. After about 10 minutes of struggling and trying to make the carseat more "attractive" :rolleyes to him to no avail, I found myself muttering "You're really asking for a spanking!" Of course this meant nothing to him because he has no idea what a spanking is and of course I would never spank him, but I felt shocked and deflated after saying it like "What am I thinking?!!" As I was growing up I was threatened like that too with "You're cruisin for a bruisin" and "Don't make me pull the car over!" lines and it is hard to get these threatening lines out of your head. Your question came at exactly the right moment for me as I have decided NEVER to let those words pass my lips again. :hug to you and thanks for your post!

[katiekind]

One thing that helped me is realizing that these responses that would pop into my mind and spill off the tip of my tongue because my parents said it to ME are not what I want popping into my sons' minds and spilling off their tongues when THEY are dealing with MY GRANDKIDS. :eek

That thought really brought me up short one day and kind of gave me an even bigger reason than I already had for guarding my tongue and controlling my temper. I found it really empowered me in terms of stepping up the level of self-control I was exercizing. I hope it helps someone here rather than creating more guilt (that's not my intention!) :hug2

[Reva]

We use "Love is kind". :) And I've taught my kids to say it to me when I start getting upset. :tu


Oooh, GREAT idea!! I think I might have to use that!

[Grover]

still struggling with this here too.
One of the things that helped me was a bob smiley cd.He is a christian comic.I :sad2 :sad2think he is pro spanking but anyhow he was telling jokes about his childhood.The punch lines made me laugh.
Parent"Do I have to pull the car over?"
Kid "well I guess,how many miles to the gallon does this car do?"

Parent"Dont be a smart "
kid " :doh Oakay 2 plus 2 is seven

parent"do you want a spanking"
Kid "well thats a tough one I think no"

I realise these are disrespectful answers.But they made me laugh and everytime the phrase popped in my head that was what I heard.

[ArmsOfLove]

You know, when I was reading this I thought of what I learned in PT for my fibromyalgia which changed my life--If it hurts, I'm doing it wrong. It applies to walking, squatting, mopping . . . and parenting :)

[FlyingBlueKiwi]

oooo Mara - that's a good idea --- and btw, i love ur new avatar! i can't believe how big Caleb is!!


Would you believe he just had his first birthday? We need to join Little Explorers. :-D

[ArmsOfLove]

Another thought--my parents have been saying to each other WOHHMEF. It stands for "Words of healing, His mercies endure forever"

[This Busy Mom]

What got me to stop is this thought...

empty threats teach nothing... if I'm going to "threaten" it... then it had better be something I'm really going to follow through with.

I tell this to dh all the time, too, because I see him doing it (he doesn't tell my kids that he's going to crack their leg or whatever, but sometimes he's a lot harser than he needs to be... and threatens with things that aren't setting the kids up for success).

[DebraBaker]

It took a long long time for us (especially dh) to not be punitive in our mindset.

He would say, "what consequence" or "he must pay the price."

It took, over and over and over, "Jesus paid the price" for that little voice to stop nagging in the back of our minds.

It takes time, be gentle with yourself.

Debra Baker

[BornFreeBaby]

I hear ya! Its kind of like having to re-train yourself in how to respond w/ certian words, and I also used a bible verse when I would get upset and frustrated. I know its trite, but I would say, "Children are a gift from God" over and over so that I wouldn't spank or (hit) or slap the hand when I get mad. Mostly I said this to myself when I decided to stop letting dd CIO at night. I was questioning my going to her at night b/c of ezzo's words in my head about spoiling her, and fear of her never getting self-sooth habits. But when I pondered the simple thought that Children are a gift from the Almighty, then why would we treat that gift w/ such disregard? I would say to myself when I would rock her in the middle of the night. "She is a gift from God" when I would be completely sleep deprived.

I don't know if that will help you, but it did for me... I also like, the Love is gentle, Love is kind verses...