Situation at a friend's house...Help

[heartofjoy]

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[MarynMunchkins]

I'd say the simplest solution would simply be to supervise a lot more. I'm sure that you could implement some GBD things for the other little girl while you were watching without offending her mom. With any luck, she'd start using those more than spanking. :tu

[heartofjoy]

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[Joanne]

Here is what I know. I know that kids act strangely sometimes. And that weird things happen.

I would not necessarily think this is about parenting styles. So, maybe you can talk to her about a strange situation between kids instead of a in icky situation between your GBD kid and her Punitively Parented kid.

Let's face it; both kids acted poorly, yk?

[snlmama]

Here is what I know. I know that kids act strangely sometimes. And that weird things happen.

I would not necessarily think this is about parenting styles. So, maybe you can talk to her about a strange situation between kids instead of a in icky situation between your GBD kid and her Punitively Parented kid.



This is a very good point. Although it made me laugh too. :lol yeah, kids do act strangely. More than sometimes at my house. :giggle

That's what I'd talk about is tell her you weren't sure how to handle the issue b/c your dd said this and that. Or just drop that particular issue and mention that your ds is afraid of her daughter and you'd like to find a way to resolve *that* issue. And, whatever you do, I"d offer to pay for whatever your dd broke, even if it wasn't expensive. ;)

[CJ]

I would also try to use opportunities like this to teach/help your daughter be assertive. For example, if she tells you that the other girl hit her, ask her what she did about it. If nothing, then give her some ideas of what she can do--a script perhaps like, "I don't like it when you hit me." Go with her if she wants your support but let HER do the talking. This is something you can preview before your next play date--talk about strategies for assertive play. Then afterward, affirm her specifically for how she carried out those strategies and talk about new things you want to try next time.

[MarynMunchkins]

Oh, I was just thinking that if you see one child going to hit another, intervene. Grab an arm and say "Be gentle. Hitting hurts."

And I bet having them put on plays or tell stories would give an outlet for some of the "lying" and playing tricks in a positive way. :)

[Oliveshoots]

But seriously, what types of GBD things can you do for a child who isn't yours? I think I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear others first.


I GBD'd another child at a church picnic the other day, with his mom sitting right there. She and I are good friends (ie: we like each other, we are very chatty, and we always greet each other with a hug) HOWEVER, I have NO idea how she discilines, or her views on discipline.

Her little boy is 3, and he was scuffing his feet around in the sand on the edge of the lake where we were picnicking, and he accidentally stepped on another little girls toes....this was AFTER another lady had asked him to stop scuffing up the sand (it was a wet sandy dirt, so it wasn't a huge deal.) So the little girl starts crying (another lady consoles her), and since they were both standing right in front of me, and he was still scuffing his feet, I leaned down, put my arms around him and said "J, you need to stop your feet. Do you see that you stepped on M's toes? Try to watch what your feet are doing." I didn't even realize the mom was sitting right behind me, but I didn't worry about it too much, becuase I was gentle, and not shaming him. It worked, he stopped. Then we cleaned off the little girl's toes.
(ETA: my friend was not being a lazy parent, she was trying to eat and hold her 1 y.o. daughter, and the rest of us were done, so we were kind of watching over the kids.)

A few minutes later, her older son (3rd grade) was swinging a bat and passed it right over the same little girl's head (I mean within CENTIMETERS of the top of her head!) I knew he wasn't actively "swinging at her", but just being inattentive to where he was swinging. So I called out his name rather abruptly "J! Your bat almost hit M! Swing it somewhere where there are no people!" (Okay, I'm used to calling J's name ALOT in choir and handchimes, so we have this kind of teacher/student relationship). Again, the mom heard all this. So later, when he's swinging the bat around some of the ladies, she says "J, you have to take the bat away from the people to swing it." So, either she's used to doing this with him (which I think is the case), or she picked it up from me. I really just think that's how she usually deals with him.

Now of course, here is the issue....so many people at our church would have said that she and I just "let" him "get away" with something. But my thing is, with children, it's an over and over and over thing until they "get it", and then it usually isn't a problem. And it's not like he was going around trying to whack eeryone with the bat. He just wasn't paying attention to where he was swinging.

I have watched this group of kids at my church grow up from K to 4th grade (some 5th grade) and have watched the dynamics go from "oh that N is such a handful" to "wow, N is such a great leader and is so mature for his age." I mean, it took us 4 years to see that difference, so that tells me that it takes a while for a child to really learn and get into the "groove" of knowing what is appropriate without the constant reminders.

That's why GBD is work, and that's why it's so unpopular with those who want "convenient", quick-fix parenting.

Anyway, sorry I veered way off there, but maybe some of that can be helpful to you.

[heartofjoy]

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