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View Full Version : Dh getting "sleep" advice from coworker.


tiglet
06-07-2005, 10:51 AM
His supervisor (they share an office) asked him how much sleep he was getting. He said, "Well, around 8 hours, but Bonnie is up often." She was surprised that our almost-1yo was still waking all night long.

She said "Oh! That's a lot more sleep than I get. [she stays up late] But I just put Katya in her crib when she's sleepy, with a warm bottle, and she falls right to sleep for the whole night. You can't keep soothing her to sleep every night. She *has* to learn how to fall asleep on her own, in her crib!" So now Dh thinks maybe we should try to "help" B fall asleep "on her own." and although the idea sounds good, I don't think the practice of it would be good for any of us.

So...any suggestions or knowledge about things like - normal for 1 yo to still wake up lots of times? This *will* end sometime, right? Someyear we'll realize she isn't waking up and wanting soothing/nursing/pats etc, right?
We have the NCSS - but nothing really seems to have helped. And, truthfully, we're managing just fine most days.

DogwoodMama
06-07-2005, 10:58 AM
If you're mamaging fine, what's the problem? :shrug and it *is* normal for 1 year olds to wake during the night. Not all do, but most do. :hug

snlmama
06-07-2005, 11:09 AM
As my mom says: If it ain't broke, don't fix it. :)
I don't think all 1 year olds are up at night, but I know many are, even those who are sleep-trained often wake occassionally at that age. Mine oldest woke during the night and needed help getting back to sleep until he was at least 2. He sleeps fine now. ;)

milkmommy
06-07-2005, 11:15 AM
Sounds like his coworker needs to be put in a crib alone with a bottle of milk untill she falls asleep because clearly shes not getting the sleep she needed. No baby HAS to learn to fall asleep on her own in her crib, I mean don't get me wrong I'm all for good sleep habbits but this idea they need to be abbandomed and issolated is silly. And that milk bottle will just cause problems latter.
I've read if perfectly normal fora one year old to wake multiple times and if it isn't bothering you I'd just roll with it.

Deanna

hsgbdmama
06-07-2005, 11:17 AM
Actually, putting them to bed with a bottle all the time is a very bad thing as well -- it can lead to tooth decay due to all the bacteria that is forming in their mouths from the milk & bottle.

If you are really concerned about it, why not talk to your dr about some tips about getting your dc to sleep through the night?

toymama
06-07-2005, 11:25 AM
My ds is will be 2 in three months and he still wakes up a couple times a night. I wish he didn't ;) but he does. :P As long as he and I don't have a problem with it I will keep getting up with him. I don't think I can let him "cry it out".

Soliloquy
06-07-2005, 11:27 AM
Hey tiglet, how are ya?

Gracie is 16 months and nurses frequently all night long. Once in awhile she'll sleep through, but not very often. It's actually pretty common among the co-sleeping families that I know.

Joanne
06-07-2005, 11:51 AM
If you are really concerned about it, why not talk to your dr about some tips about getting your dc to sleep through the night?

Because getting parenting advice from doctors is not always reliable. :hissyfit :banghead

My MIL, who did not do "AP" at all fully expected to be up a few times with her kids until they reached school age. My daycare parents *all* have frequent or occassional nightime issues with their kids.

Completely normal.

erinee
06-07-2005, 11:54 AM
Megan turned 3 in March, and it was right around that time that I started encouraging her to sleep on her own more. We co-slept all the time, with her nursing pretty much all night long, until she was about 2 1/2, then I started nursing her to sleep in her own bed, and she'd wake up and come into our bed sometime during the night. Just a few weeks ago, I changed our bedtime routine a bit to replace nursing to sleep with a back rub. She must have been ready, because she accepted it with no trouble and hasn't woken at night since then. So I definitely think a 1-year-old waking at night is perfectly normal and that as long as you're fine with it, don't worry about it.

MarynMunchkins
06-07-2005, 12:35 PM
Ana is 4.5 and still wakes once a night. She generally puts herself back to sleep, but still...

It's normal, and it's not a big deal. And frankly, I'd be a lot more concerned about this child sleeping with a bottle than yours waking. :)

hsgbdmama
06-07-2005, 12:44 PM
If you are really concerned about it, why not talk to your dr about some tips about getting your dc to sleep through the night?

Because getting parenting advice from doctors is not always reliable. :hissyfit :banghead



I'm sorry to have offended you ... I have gotten good advice from our doctors; perhaps my family is fortunate to have good doctors. :/ I guess my point was to look to them for additional ideas of what to do, and if you don't agree with their advice, don't use it. :sorry

Marielle
06-07-2005, 02:27 PM
this is one of those cases where "those who speak of it more often are getting less of it" ;)

You always here those parents who are trying sleep training or CIO proselitizing about the method before it's even worked for them. Also, DH started receving this advice from those ladies at work when Ian was only a few weeks old. I would look at him with one eye kind of cocked sideways and say, "so what do you think about that?" Very quickly I reminded him of the comments that those ladies had said during our babyshower (totally ridiculous) and asked him if he wanted child rearing advice from them.

mamaKristin
06-07-2005, 03:08 PM
It's normal, and it's not a big deal. And frankly, I'd be a lot more concerned about this child sleeping with a bottle than yours waking.

What Mary said...ya, that's it.

AmyDoll
06-07-2005, 03:56 PM
(((Tiglet))) Sam still wakes throughout the night - some nights more, some nights less. Last night we had a thunderstorm - so I heard "Mommy" with every thunderbolt.

I've never asked our doctors for parenting advice & they tend to be naturally oriented. :shrug I figure they're there for medical advice - which I do ask them for :tu

Amy

Titus2:5Catholic
06-07-2005, 07:11 PM
You can't keep soothing her to sleep every night. She *has* to learn how to fall asleep on her own, in her crib!" .


I would simply say: why? Ask if they know any teenagers who have to be nursed to sleep at night.

Joanne
06-07-2005, 07:31 PM
I'm sorry to have offended you ... I have gotten good advice from our doctors; perhaps my family is fortunate to have good doctors. I guess my point was to look to them for additional ideas of what to do, and if you don't agree with their advice, don't use it.

Oh, {{{dear}}}! You did not offend me at all! My emoticons were directed to the unreliable medical profession, not you or your post. I wish we could rely on good parenting advice from doctors. But my experience is that the combination of their expert status and our vulnerability is often a dangerous mix.

Please don't apologize; you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry my post was not more clear. I'm glad you have a reliable doctor you trust. Care to share him or her? ;-)

Tex
06-07-2005, 08:44 PM
Argh..."HAS to"

Has to, yes, but not at age ONE. Not as a blessed INFANT. Babe will have lots and lots of years to sleep alone, no reason to start any earlier than you have to.

Maggie
06-07-2005, 09:56 PM
Sounds like his coworker needs to be put in a crib alone with a bottle of milk untill she falls asleep because clearly shes not getting the sleep she needed. No baby HAS to learn to fall asleep on her own in her crib, I mean don't get me wrong I'm all for good sleep habbits but this idea they need to be abbandomed and issolated is silly. And that milk bottle will just cause problems latter.
I've read if perfectly normal fora one year old to wake multiple times and if it isn't bothering you I'd just roll with it.

Deanna

ITA! And I had to laugh at the first part! :giggle

MomToDM
06-07-2005, 10:26 PM
Our ds is 25 months and still wakes at least once per night. I certainly would not worry about a one year old waking, especially if the way you are doing things is working well for you and dh. JMHO

Erica

tiglet
06-08-2005, 09:39 AM
Thanks for the reassurance!

And, after a month of waking up at least every two hours, all night, every night....

Bonnie slept for 6 hours last night. We're new people! :)

Quietspirit
06-08-2005, 10:09 AM
But I just put Katya in her crib when she's sleepy, with a warm bottle, and she falls right to sleep for the whole night. You can't keep soothing her to sleep every night. She *has* to learn how to fall asleep on her own, in her crib!

My response to the above would be: "Oh sounds like your daughter needs to learn that as well. (Big smile) What are you doing to wean her from the comfort bottle since she's not falling asleep on her own but needs a prop? I know you must be so concerned about bottle rot on her teeth?!" *said in a loving "oh so concerned" voice ;)

hsgbdmama
06-13-2005, 04:38 PM
Please don't apologize; you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry my post was not more clear. I'm glad you have a reliable doctor you trust. Care to share him or her? ;-)


Thank you, Joanne, I appreciate it! :)

I don't mind sharing ;) ... when ds1 was a baby, I did speak with our dr. about some sleep issues (he was getting up a few times per night, wanting to play), and he gave me some what turned out to be very useful advice, which resolved the issues without any punitive or CIO methods used. :tu

ArmsOfLove
06-13-2005, 04:45 PM
Well I'm 34 and still wake at least 1-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. All of my children sleep better than me :laughtears

cannuke
06-13-2005, 06:04 PM
Well I'm 34 and still wake at least 1-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. All of my children sleep better than me :laughtears

Same with my DH!

This Busy Mom
06-13-2005, 06:07 PM
Grrr... I'd rather my babies use me to comfort them to slee than a warm bottle that will rot their teeth.

I'm sorry you dh is getting bad advice. maybe finding him some pics on google of what bottle rot looks like will help give him a good visual about why the advice he got was bad. :shrug . I found some stuff under " baby bottle tooth decay ".

http://main.uab.edu/show.asp?durki=28007
http://www.smilekeepers.com/Pediatric_Dentistry/Baby_Bottle_Tooth_Decay/baby_bottle_tooth_decay.htm

tiglet
06-14-2005, 09:57 AM
Well - I don't think we'd ever put her to sleep with a bottle. But dh thinks that maybe she should "spend more time in her room." And I said, okay, when she's awake! We can have playtime in there if it makes you feel better. :)

And he is good with that.

This same co worker asked dh a couple of days ago "So, have you signed Bonnie up for language classes yet? They need to learn second languages by three so that they don't have an accent. Play is not enough for learning."

This made dh (and me) go :eek and I think has really really diluted the quality of her earlier advice.

Soliloquy
06-14-2005, 11:10 AM
This same co worker asked dh a couple of days ago "So, have you signed Bonnie up for language classes yet? They need to learn second languages by three so that they don't have an accent. Play is not enough for learning."


Play is not enough for learning????
:roll Now I've heard it all! :giggle

J3K
06-14-2005, 11:14 AM
The next time I have a rough day and look forward to being held by dh at night , I'll remind myself I outgrew being physically comforted when I was a baby. I learned to sleep on my own and comfort myself with inanimate objects. I can do it again. :laughtears

My son didn't sleep thru the night until he was seven years old. Every night. Three to four times. Wide awake , refreshed and ready to start the new day. He's 12 now and still rises at odd hours to rumble about the house.

cannuke
06-14-2005, 11:41 AM
This same co worker asked dh a couple of days ago "So, have you signed Bonnie up for language classes yet? They need to learn second languages by three so that they don't have an accent...


Accent? Huh? What is she talking about? She doesn't think that Bonnie should sound like her parents? :shrug Maybe I'm missing something here, but I've NEVER heard of this concept before.

hsgbdmama
06-14-2005, 02:41 PM
:spit Pretty much everyone has an accent (mine is the wonderful mid-western one :mrgreen ). This co-worker seems really hung up on something ... perhaps it's time for dh to develop his :beandip skills. ;)

arymanth
06-14-2005, 03:14 PM
This same co worker asked dh a couple of days ago "So, have you signed Bonnie up for language classes yet? They need to learn second languages by three so that they don't have an accent...

Accent? Huh? What is she talking about? She doesn't think that Bonnie should sound like her parents? don't know Maybe I'm missing something here, but I've NEVER heard of this concept before.

LOL She means that if you teach a child a second language at a very young age, they will speak that language like a native, and without an ENGLISH accent! :D Exposing a child to the different kinds of sounds found in other languages at a young age can help them speak other languages better as adults. I'm sure you have heard people who have immigrated from other countries... even if they have lived in their new country for many years, they may still speak with a strong accent because those are the sounds they grew up with. But SOME people who learn a second language as an adult will not have an accent. It really depends on the person and their own natural abilities.

There is nothing wrong with teaching a child a second language from birth... IF that is something you are interested in or if your family is bi-lingual... but to say you NEED to do this is just silly. You have no idea what God has in store for each child... and if they NEED to know something, He will make sure that the opportunity presents itself. My parents tried to insist that I learn Spanish when I was in high school... because "EVERYONE will be speaking Spanish in the future, so you will NEED it." Well I took it for a year (and forgot most of what I learned) but I have never had an occasion to use it. On the other hand, I am currently teaching myself German. Why? I'm not sure... I guess God just put the desire in my heart. I've only been studying for a year and a half, but my German friends tell me that I have excellent pronunciation. (one of them told me that when I read in German, I sound just like one of her friends!!! LOL)

So if God is leading someone to teach their child a second language from birth... they should go for it! Just don't try to tell everone else that they have to do it, too.

Stephanie
Mom to 4 boys and a princess, with another blessing on the way!