New books for new babies for Babywise/Ezzo/Pearl friendly folks

[malakoa]

I have two friends who are both having baby number three. One is the nicest woman and is super pro-babywise, another took GKGW classes and thinks the Pearls are the greatest but co-sleeps the first three months (weird). I would like to give them books/tapes as gifts. I feel like i need to not give them books subtitled "Why Gary is a pain in the butt and has a millstone the size of Everest around his neck" any recs?

[erinee]

How about some of the Clarksons' books? Heartfelt Discipline, The Mission of Motherhood, etc. They really speak the language of evangelicals and aren't heavy-handed in condemning spanking, so they wouldn't put them on the defensive, just sort of open their eyes to a new way of doing things.

[TulipMama]

"Why Gary is a pain in the butt and has a millstone the size of Everest around his neck"

*lol*

[Joanne]

I have two friends who are both having baby number three. One is the nicest woman and is super pro-babywise, another took GKGW classes and thinks the Pearls are the greatest but co-sleeps the first three months (weird). I would like to give them books/tapes as gifts. I feel like i need to not give them books subtitled "Why Gary is a pain in the butt and has a millstone the size of Everest around his neck" any recs?

My advice? Don't. Unless alternative parenting books and advice are asked for, don't. As much as I am against abusive/punitive parenting paradigms, I am respectful about a family's right to make their choices. I know I would feel intruded upon and violated if someone offered me TTUAC or an Ezzo book knowing I am against them.

I would, instead, pray for a clear opportunity to show or talk about a grace based parenting approach.

[Soliloquy]

I agree w/ Joanne. Unless you want the latest edition of Babywise the next time you get PG, I wouldn't go that route.

[Maggie]

Maybe you could give them The Baby Book by Sears and put the http://ezzo.info address in there on a piece of paper or something. For the Pearl-followers, I agree with the suggestion of Heartfelt Discipline by Clarkson.

[DogwoodMama]

Just want to add that co-sleeping with Pearl-followers doesn't surprise me... as strange as it may seem to us, I think some Pearl-followers do "AP-type" things such as co-sleeping, slinging, etc. We don't have the "corner" on those practices, which I think is good b/c at least the babies beneftit from that positive attention, and perhaps their mother's interest in those things might attract them to our board, and they might open their heart to the possibility that you don't *have* to spank & be punitive in order to discipline/teach your children? :) :heart At least that's what I hope & pray... I honestly believe that many Pearl-followers really do want to do right by their children & are deeply devoted to them but are in bondage to a legalistic-mindset about how to discipline their children. :(

I also agree I wouldn't give books unless it's appropriate (a shower or similar), but since you are already friends with them, just keep those lines of communication open & keep them in your prayers. :)

[APMamaX4]

I agree w/Joanne--don't offer unless asked, unless you want *their* stuff offered to you. I also agree that cosleeping Pearlites doesn't surpise me. Many of their followers do plenty of "AP" things, they are just ultra punitive, downright abusive in some cases. Oh, the irony, I know... but still.

[katiekind]

In a situation like that I might give an ideological middle-of-the-road basic baby-care book (identifying childhood illnesses--that kind of thing...) or a book that offers a supportive and high view of motherhood (like Sally Clarkson's Mission of Motherhood) or a book on how cool newborns are. (such as Your Amazing Newborn by Klaus & Klaus).

[cklewis]

See -- if they were first-time parents, I think they'd be open to a new book (my fav is The Happiest Baby on the Block for a middle-of-the-road AP book). But they've been around the block twice. They know it already.

:shrug

C

[malakoa]

I honestly believe that many Pearl-followers really do want to do right by their children & are deeply devoted to them but are in bondage to a legalistic-mindset about how to discipline their children. :(

I also agree I wouldn't give books unless it's appropriate (a shower or similar), but since you are already friends with them, just keep those lines of communication open & keep them in your prayers. :)


i think that's true for sure. Some of the stuff he says makes sense. One of the women told me she wanted to get me Babywise, she just didn't have a chance - so I think it would be appropriate to pass on a book to her.

[TulipMama]

We don't have the "corner" on those practices, which I think is good b/c at least the babies beneftit from that positive attention, and perhaps their mother's interest in those things might attract them to our board, and they might open their heart to the possibility that you don't *have* to spank & be punitive in order to discipline/teach your children?

I've seen this dynamic a lot. Very ap-oriented, home birth, breastfeeding, natural living Christians--yet, like much of current Christianity, with a belief that spanking is either Biblically mandated or so highly Biblically advised, that only "liberal" Christians wouldn't spank.

I believe it is important for us, as Christians and parents, to question our assumptions about "Christian" parneting. Isn't that how many of us got to gentle discipline? By realizing we had accepted assumptions and teachings without examining them closely in light of the Bible? And when we go back to the Bible we see that parental responsibility is very much stressed (as our Christian brothers and sisters who are punitive would agree.) But the heart of the Gospel is God's grace towards us--not punishment. And the whole counsel of Scripture points towards that, not punitive parenting or spanking.