mrsramjet
06-04-2005, 10:17 PM
my ds is nearly 2.
he is my first 'attached' child.
and he has started tantruming ......
my first child didn't 'do' the terrible 2/s.
child 2 - ds - was high needs and i was in a bit of a spin with him anyway! lol. all the 'tricks' that 'worked' so well with dd just didn't make any difference to him. but still, obviously, he had 'issues'.
so we have this affectionate, imaginative, curious, explorative, opiniated little boy now and i am having trouble knowing where is the line for what is acceptable.
of course with the ezzo thang, they are all about making kids easier for adults to be around. i understand totally that this is upside down and inside out and back to front.
i have embraced the transformations that need to happen in ME to effectively parent my children with GBD. it's brought so much liberation and joy.
but sometimes ds isn't fun to be around. and i can SEE dh thinking i'm doing something wrong and indulging this kid.
ok. this is what i do.
"reflect feelings. restate the boundary. take him to another room if he's disrupting things where he is.
if i can understand what is the problem and it's something i am fine with (eg this morning he wanted a different pair of pants than the ones i was trying to put on him, i say "oh, would you like these pants on? say "pants please mum" " and sometimes he will say it with a gulping sigh of relief at being understood i think. i will put him in them.
if it's something he can't have i reflect feelings again.
i comfort him if that helps. sometimes it doesn't.
if it doesn't i either sit near him and read or occassionaly i go to finish what i was doing and then come back to check on him (never longer than about 30 seconds or so) when i walk in he will mostly stop and want a cuddle and we go on with our day.
i just feel that even though this is my 3rd kid, i am not sure quite what to do. lol.
probably because i'm trying to second guess what my dh is thinking. i want to prove to him :O that i'm not 'ignoring it' or 'letting him get away with it'. i'm dealing with it, just in a different way.
so let me have the low down.
am i being too permissive? too authoritive? about right?
tia
he is my first 'attached' child.
and he has started tantruming ......
my first child didn't 'do' the terrible 2/s.
child 2 - ds - was high needs and i was in a bit of a spin with him anyway! lol. all the 'tricks' that 'worked' so well with dd just didn't make any difference to him. but still, obviously, he had 'issues'.
so we have this affectionate, imaginative, curious, explorative, opiniated little boy now and i am having trouble knowing where is the line for what is acceptable.
of course with the ezzo thang, they are all about making kids easier for adults to be around. i understand totally that this is upside down and inside out and back to front.
i have embraced the transformations that need to happen in ME to effectively parent my children with GBD. it's brought so much liberation and joy.
but sometimes ds isn't fun to be around. and i can SEE dh thinking i'm doing something wrong and indulging this kid.
ok. this is what i do.
"reflect feelings. restate the boundary. take him to another room if he's disrupting things where he is.
if i can understand what is the problem and it's something i am fine with (eg this morning he wanted a different pair of pants than the ones i was trying to put on him, i say "oh, would you like these pants on? say "pants please mum" " and sometimes he will say it with a gulping sigh of relief at being understood i think. i will put him in them.
if it's something he can't have i reflect feelings again.
i comfort him if that helps. sometimes it doesn't.
if it doesn't i either sit near him and read or occassionaly i go to finish what i was doing and then come back to check on him (never longer than about 30 seconds or so) when i walk in he will mostly stop and want a cuddle and we go on with our day.
i just feel that even though this is my 3rd kid, i am not sure quite what to do. lol.
probably because i'm trying to second guess what my dh is thinking. i want to prove to him :O that i'm not 'ignoring it' or 'letting him get away with it'. i'm dealing with it, just in a different way.
so let me have the low down.
am i being too permissive? too authoritive? about right?
tia