living under a pile....

[positivemom]

some encouragement please......the laundry monster has visited us again.....the crumbs in the kitchen are having an uproar for equal rights.....the toys are mulltiplying like rabbits.....the basement is a wreck and the attic is too..dust bunnies are hiding under every bed...the vacuum cleaner and the carpets are now strangers once again....the tub needs a good scrubbing....my mop has disappeared...the dish ran away with the spoon and came back with an entire community that decided to move into our sink and onto our counters....we desperately need new furniture.....our table and chairs are falling apart and my children's beds need to be replaced...curtains are pulled off the wall and need to be rehung....don't get me wrong...I am not a neat freak but I'm not a messy either...I could probably get my house looking ok in about one hour if I had to.....we do have a place for everything...everything just isn't in its place.....with four little boys I just don't have the time to keep things any nicer than I do....I am pretty organized and not lazy so those aren't the problems either....I just have too much to do to keep every thing looking nice and in good repair and clean and tidy and you know what I mean...Is this OK???? I am wondering if anyone else feels the same way.....I have just settled for this and wondering if iti is wrong to settle....I use to be so different..kept everything perfect up until my third son was born and now I just maintain and spiff things up when I know someone is coming over...is thisbad???? positivemom

[Chris3jam]

now I just maintain and spiff things up when I know someone is coming over...is thisbad???? If it's bad, I'm a total lost cause. I actually seemed able to stay on top of stuff until the third child in this house was born. Now, it's a monster that has taken over. And not a lot of people come over, so you can imagine. . . . . sorry I'm no encouragement. I'm kinda in a bad mood. :blah :blah

[MarynMunchkins]

I thought that was normal. :P I only clean up at night after everyone is in bed. ;)

[OnlyBelieve]

I am right there with you. Dh came home yesterday and tidied up a bit for me.
I used to be totally neat (most of the time). Now I am totally messy most of the time.
:bf2

[positivemom]

Glad to know I'm not alone in this.....please give me some suggestions about some practical matters.....there's toys.....I can't wait until the children are in bed to clean them up and organize them because lots of them are in their rooms but it is a lot of work to engage the children in picking up and sorting and raking them from under beds and what not......we do this ever so often but it drains me so badly that that is the day right there.....is this normal....I go through periods of time when I just don't let them have a lot of toys out...we sort and organize them and then put them away and take out a few toys at a time...this gets old because it requires a lot of toy supervision out of me and constant picking up and taking the next thing out...then I just let them have at it and get out what they want when they want and I will say that this has some great advantages...one disadvantage though is all the mess it creates....is this just life with little kids or am I doing something wrong..

next topic...housecleaning....I never dust or mop or scrub anymore....when I am having guests(which is not often because my house is just too small to have guests) I will surface clean the bathroom and with four little boys I am wiping down the toilet all the time anyway....I will also tidy up pretty often and vacuum our one carpeted room ( the rest is hardwood or linoleum) say once a week or so.....I only change sheets when they are soiled or seem dirty or someone has been ill....and that is it for housecleaning anymore....oh yes, and I do clean my kitchen well everyday....is this just gross ....I grew up in an immaculate home and I feel lacking in this but for the life of me do not know how else I can be....

also, I am at a loss for what to do with my daily schedule.....I have a loose daily schedule and I am thinking of changing some things to make my day less stressful but I need some input....before I type it in (it is just a simple outline of my day) , is anyone interested in counseling me on ordering my day...I have four little boys 7 and under and I homeschool year round in a relaxed manner...if anyone would like to tackle my daily routine questions just say so and I will type in my schedule and post my questions...thank you ..... :-) positivemom

[Singingmom]

Wow, 4 little boys under 7, homeschooling, and you clean the kitchen every day. It sounds to me like you have your priorities straight and you're doing a pretty good job, but I hear how frustrating it is to not have a neat, organized house, and ITA. I feel that way every day, too. I also feel like if I were to keep a really clean, neat house I'd be stressed out and exhausted, so I let my standards slip a little and try to give myself a break. But it's still frustrating. :hug2

I have a schedule that works well for our school routine and the kids' day, but I don't schedule my housework because, I don't know, it's kind of depressing for me. Maybe you would love it. I'd rather fit it in when I can. I also ought to spend less time at GCM ;)

I'll check back and see what advice you get. Maybe I can learn something! :-)

[Chris3jam]

Toys -- we have bins for toys. Cars in one, animals in another, legos in another, blocks in another, and so forth. The kids know where everything belongs, and the TV or computer doesn't go on until it is picked up (reasonably). I warn them before they get anything out that they need to remember to put it back when they are done. Of course, my oldest at home just turned 9, so it's a bit easier now. But, yes, there will be toys and such all over, at least most of the time, because they are busy playing with them. Another thing is to get rid of (put up or send to Goodwill or your church nursery) the toys they have obviously outgrown. Throw away broken toys immediately; never buy anything you would be upset to part with.

Dusting --- did you read my post on dusting? :D Yes, when someone may come over, we dust, but it DOES take all day.

Mopping, scrubbing, windows --- the kids can help with windows, when they get so bad that you can't see the birds at the bird feeder. :D It just takes water and cloth; you don't need cleansers. Mopping is done in sections, in a "need to be done" basis; i.e., someone has spilled something, so that quarter of the floor gets "mopped" today (I get down on my hands and knees with a cloth and plain old dishwashing water). Usually, that means that the floor is completely mopped at least once a week, with the way things are around here, between the spills and scuffs and muddy dog paw prints. Bathrooms get swished down as I see it accumulating, when I have 2 extra minutes after using the bathroom, or before someone comes over. With 3 boys (dh and 2 ds) around, that is usually enough to make it presentable and clean. Use the Clorox wipe-ups, and I DO flush them. Laundry is done is smaller batches, about 1 - 2 a day. More manageable. And every child has their own basket (Wal-Mart, 2 for 3.00) to carry up their load. They are also starting to help fold, and the boys have been bringing it down and sorting it already. I do try to do sheets at least once every 2 weeks. Again, break it down into sections. One bed a day, for instance.

I'm teaching them to help with the kitchen cleanup. Bring their own dirty plates to the sink, etc.,etc.

I have a 7 yo, 9 yo, and 3 yo, and we unschool (so, we are always "schooling"). Yes, the house is *not* immaculate. I grew up in an immaculate house. As a matter of a fact, the house was more important than the kids. It always had to be clean, etc. I don't want my kids to get that idea, but I want them to be able to see things that need to be done, and take a minute to do them. Breaking it down into little bits that can get done very quickly has helped immensely; no one gets overwhelmed. BUT, the house definitely looks lived in -- because it is. I see toys on the floor and see learning happening. Part of it is a change in mindset (which dh *definitely* does NOT understand!).

Anyway, gotta go! More later?

[newdawn]

I got a Bissell hardwood floor/linoleum vac ($20 at Walmart...not the huge fancy Bissell that's near $100), all we have is hardwood/lineoleum. It helps keep crumbs, hair & dust off the floor. I use a swiffer, too (I hate dealing with mop & bucket). I don't know if there's a way to use your own cloths with it or not (paper towel didn't work, maybe a regular cloth would?), I spend the extra money on the pre-moistened cloths. However, we don't have dogs or cats or kids running in & out all day...not sure if those would keep up on that kind of dirt-tracking. But the Bissell is alot easier to pull out than the big vacuum when crumbs dump on the floor.

I've also been wanting to do bins for DS, with a picture on each bin of what goes into it (his train, blocks, rattles, balls, farm). He's only 13 months yet, so we haven't done that. But I wonder if it might work when he's a bit older. Right now, he loves pulling out whatever you just put back in the bins!

I also just got DS a mini-spongemop from toysRus. He's always "using" my swiffer, so now he can "help" mommy sweep :mrgreen . It looks like, for a bigger kid, it could even actually be used in real water... :P~

[RealLifeMama]

Gosh, you guys are scaring me.
I only have two and I am sooooooo not on top of things.
Maybe that is why we lost AngelBaby, God knows I can't have three.
I haven't been on top of things, well, EVER!

I think based on another post I read you are probably having a rough week.
Maybe if you took 4 15 minute sessions, that would give you your hour?
Can your boys help if you put on some fun kid music and tell them to each pick up as many things as they are old?

[positivemom]

ok ladies this is helpful feedback I am getting....sounds like I am pretty "normal" in what I am keeping as my standard...tell me what you think about my daily routine.....

wake , breakfast, vitamins, spiff up kitchen, kids bring dishes to sinK
everyone dressed and teeth brushed including me, pj's under pillow
chores ( we have a chart...vacuum kitchen and playroom, unload dishes, fetch paper products from
basement, start laundry, if we have energy after this , make beds, empty all waste baskets,
change handtowel in bathroom, restock toliet paper in bathroom, and lastly pick up toys and
general household clutter)
school or activity time
lunch, kids clear the table off and bring dishes to sink or throw away paperplates, cups
quiet time for rest ( I take shower, switch over laundy )
more school or activity time
prep for dinner
dinner
dishes, clean microwave, wipe down countertops , load dishwasher, fill up water purifier
family time
kids in bed
my devotion and prayer time
then, choose 1 of 4 chores for the night : 1. pack bags for next day's outing or for church
2. make out weeks shopping list on Monday pm
3. fold laundry
4. wash perm press items that need special care after
washing, like having to be hung to dry..etc......

bedtime for me

*add in email, to-do's, phonecalls, other projects or cleaning or shopping or errands whenever i can*


This is my routine.....I am wondering if anyone has any input....the chores in the morning are basically done by my children with my supervision...the 5 and 7 yo go to the basement and start a load of laundry everyday...the 7 yo empties the dishwasher while the 5 yo vacuums...the 4 yo empties the untensil basket from the dishwasher....the 2 yo thinks he is helping everyone...the 5 and 7 yo go to the basement and fetch paper products as needed because this is where we store them...I mostly referee any altercations and offer help and try to help the 2yo be patient and wait his turn to "help" everyone...they all can make their own beds, change out the handtowel, stack tp in the bathroom....the 2yo empties trashcans....I have everything placed where they can reach it....but this is a LOT of work even for me to facilitate...although it is rewarding to see my dc have a sense of accomplishment.....

THIS IS MY QUESTION..do you think it would be better for me to just hangout all day with my kids and do some more activities and field trips with them and just do all these chores after I get them in the bed...they are all in the bed by 8:00 ....I could vacuum, fetch paper products, do dishes and dishwasher, do laundry and folding and hang-up laundry, wipe down kitchen, fill up purifier, make shopping lists, pack for next day's outings all after I get them in bed....would this be a better way for me to spend my evening and then have the day be less accomplishment driven and more laid back with the kids....please give me some direction on this...I was sent to public school and my mom was a professional housekeeper and i have no idea how other people order their day with their children....some input would be sooooo appreciated....if I waited to the end of the day to do all the necessary chores would that be too much work at night for me????...whatcha think??? I think it would take about 1.5 to 2.0 hours to do all my chores at night.....positivemom

[Garnet]

Quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep. :hearts


In 20 years your house won't need therapy because it wasn't clena when your children were young. :grin


Pick up at your own pace.

[mylittlemen]

Just a couple of thoughts. My babies are 3 and 6 months, so this is just me...

I can't save everything for after they go to bed. DH is not here 4 or 5 nights a week, and I am beyond exhausted by that time. Nothing matters once the house is quiet! So, I pick up toys right BEFORE bed time, with ds' help, if possible.

I alwyas try to clean up the kitchen at least a bit while the kids are up. I hate coming out of their rooms after bed time and finding a total disaster. It makes me sit down at the computer and eat :(

We had too many toys with lots of pieces. I put them in different containers (even gift bags will do) and put some of them up in the closet where they can't get at 'em. There were just too many things, so that it was overwhelming when they were all dumped out together. As they get older, I will institute some sort of trade system where something goes in if another comes out... Right now they can play with trains, Noah's ark, a basket of baby toys, and legos. If they want to get out trucks, or a little people set, blocks, or a bucket of plastic animals, everything else will have to be picked up first. This sounds kind of stricter than it is. Just a little crowd control by me, at this point.

I'm with you. My kitchen floor rarely gets mopped and I sweep only when it's crunchy. :eek Beds don't get changed often enough. Vacuuming doesn't happen often enough. But I do need some order to keep my sanity. Today dh has taken the 3 year old to the zoo (Yay!! Happy dance! A very rare occurence, for us...) Baby is sleeping and I am "busting through the house" (to quote someone's dh on here :) ) That's all I need. If someone will help me 2 or 3 hours a week, it helps me get to the stuff I just can't even think about when the kids are around. I try to do flylady (www.flylady.net) but I am not too consistent. I still need that little piece of time every week or so to feel like I am not totally out of control. That's what I'm working on now - making sure I have some cleaning AND quiet time. Some don't need it, or feel bad about it, but that's still where I'm at. I make sure no one suffers too much to give me this!! I better go and make good use of it... hope you get lots of helpful ideas. :hug

[positivemom]

Quiet down cobwebs
Dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep. :hearts


In 20 years your house won't need therapy because it wasn't clena when your children were young. :grin


Pick up at your own pace.


I couldn't agree more.....that's where I am at and have been at for a while and it shows....that's why I am reconsidering my daily schedule to leave all my chores when the kids in bed...don't know if this is practical or not????? we'll see what the ladies think.....I love this litle rhyme...positivemom :hearts

[Garnet]

:hug I'm with you. I'm just trying to simplify my life. My kids are getting 7 shorts and 7 tops for play this summer, and the rest are being donated. No more shoes until school year unless nessacary, each child has atleast two pairs of sandals, and sneaks, and one pair of dress. Thats too much. And they're each getting 4 or so church outfits and thats it.

next books. gone. I am sick of dusting them.

then kitchen. if i haven't used it in 6 montsh its gone.

[positivemom]

Tessera, I really think you have some good suggestions.....some days doing chores with kiddos, somedays doing them at night.....I agree with you about picking a day and doing lots of jobs for spring cleaning .....I too have a hard time sticking to fly lady...although I feel I am a pretty disciplined person..I find that doing baby steps constantly can become stressful..somethings I prefer to put off until the "big day" .....problem is I haven't had one of those "big days" since baby number three...but maybe we will get to do some spring cleaning before too long...we will have to have baby sitter for that one though!!!.....I guess I am having to come to grips with things just not getting done...(messy storage areas, deep cleaning, decorating...)I have given up on these things out of necessity and i guess I have second thoughts at times about being slouchy...I don't think I am slouchy though ...I think I am just realistic about what my priorities have to be.....thanks so much everyone...and if anyone has more comments about my schedule I would love it!!!! positivemom

[bliss]

My only memories of my mother from when I was a young child are of her cleaning. She would not play games/Barbies/anything with me because she had to be cleaning. I was not allowed to have paints, markers, playdoh, glitter, glue, because they were messy. I literally did not "make a mess" until I was in college. She did not eat dinner with the family most nights because she would put the serving dishes on the table and then go back and clean the kitchen while we ate. She missed opening presents on Christmas because she was in the kitchen cleaning up from Christmas breakfast. Same with birthdays (I couldn't have parties because all those kids would have made a mess.) Please do not think that your children will appreciate a clean house. They could care less. If any of your friends care, then they can have YOU over to THEIR perfectly clean houses to play with their neurotic children. I hit on just a few weeks ago setting the timer on the micro and running around like a maniac in each room for 5 minutes. Whatever I can get done in that time, gets done. Whatever doesn't - screw it! This keeps things from organizing unions and picketing the humans in the house. I try and make sure my potty is clean too, cuz that only takes like not even a whole minute to clean a toilet. I also have a cordless phone, so when I'm on the phone I can be throwing a load of laundry in or whatever else, rather than stuck in one spot on the phone. Also, I don't know if you have multiple bathrooms, but the revalation of the century for me has been to have a Men's room and a Ladies' room, just like at a restaurant. They clean their own, and if they don't, I don't have to look at it. Ever.
Anyway, your spending time with your kids is so much more important, but I know how you feel, and I do find that my depression is much worse when things are messy because I start to feel like a failure (like housecleaning is so easy a monkey could do it, why can't I?) But you know, I was thinking the other day, Turkey was a very highneeds baby and there were days when I literally held him all day (and he didn't like the sling) and I thought, I didn't get anything done for like 7 or 8 months, just dishes we needed to eat off of, and swishing the potty, throwing the occasional load of wash in so everyone would have clean undies. . .anyway, as I look back, it didn't even matter! Becasue when you look at it, it all still needs to be done now anyway, my children didn't suffer, dh doesn't mind. . .the Earth did not spin off its axis because I didn't clean the living room for the better part of a year. This too shall pass.

[Singingmom]

I think you're doing an amazing job! :clap

If you feel like your mornings are too full of chores you have to supervise, maybe you could do just a few of them at night yourself. I agree with the pps who have said you don't want to have too much to do at night when you're tired. You need a little time for yourself. I also agree that it's great your kids are helping. So maybe doing one or two of the smaller morning chores at night would de-stress the morning a bit?

It won't matter in 20 years how often the laundry was done or whether the toys were picked up every night. What will matter is all of the energy you're putting into raising up and schooling your little men. :heart

[positivemom]

I think you're doing an amazing job! :clap

If you feel like your mornings are too full of chores you have to supervise, maybe you could do just a few of them at night yourself. I agree with the pps who have said you don't want to have too much to do at night when you're tired. You need a little time for yourself. I also agree that it's great your kids are helping. So maybe doing one or two of the smaller morning chores at night would de-stress the morning a bit?

It won't matter in 20 years how often the laundry was done or whether the toys were picked up every night. What will matter is all of the energy you're putting into raising up and schooling your little men. :heart

Good suggestions!!!! it is a wee bit too much to have all the chores in the am or in the pm...I should just do some in am and some in the pm thanks for the encouragement....positivemom

[positivemom]

Tessera, I don't get a shower everyday!!!!!!...I just have it on the schedule so that I can take the opportunity.... :blush i guess i shouldn't own up to this...but I so skip days and I do not do a devotion and prayer time each night either like I have on the schedule...it only happens sometimes.....my schedule is more of a goal to shoot for.....I had to confess.... :) positivemom

[Chris3jam]

Oh, it sounds like you are doing a great job! :D

I have to say that one of my pet peeves was the fact the a clean house (in my family) was more important than family. Other people were also more important. They way we appeared to and treated others was more important, no matter what was on the inside. My mom was very prideful and compared her immaculate house to other not-so-immaculate houses all the time (in a VERY degrading way), and it was very, very damaging. I DO NOT want a clean house to usurp my "work" with my family, but neither do I want to give my children the impression that living like pigs is normal or healthy. To this day, I would not want my mom in my house, because I KNOW how she would be degrading me behind my back. You are right, there is a middle ground, somewhere.

I find that doing baby steps constantly can become stressful..somethings I prefer to put off until the "big day" .....problem is I haven't had one of those "big days" since baby number three...

I was that person who shoved her kid outside (he's 21 now, and I've changed drastically) and completely ignored him in favor of a clean house. We would do a modified spring cleaning every week. It was always a big, big deal and took a lot of time. All the chairs would be moved out of the kitchen to really, really scrub the floor, windows were washed first, of course, the furniture would be moved for vaccuuming, etc., etc. I am one of those people who find it hard to stop when I get going, and I prefer to "finish the job" even now. BUT, reality has set in --- after my now 3 yo was born, and naps became a thing of the past, and homeschooling (now unschooling) became such a big deal, I DID notice that doing things in bite size pieces got things done quicker and better, and I didn't have to go through 3 or 4 days of "messy" house before the official "cleaning" day. Things stay caught up better. Also, doing it in bite-size pieces doesn't make it seem like my whole life revolves around cleaning, or I am cleaning in lieu of taking care of or spending time with the kiddos.

So, that's why I said something about "mindset". I used to be a real perfectionist (still am in some ways), but I've had to adapt to reality --- basically, make sure everyone has something to eat, everyone has clean clothes, no one will call the fire department because the clutter is so great that you can't get through the halls to get out if there is an emergency, spills get cleaned up, the floor gets swept at least once a day, bathrooms are reasonably sanitary, the dust does not accumulate to unhealthy levels, even if it does accumulate, etc. Dh is having a very hard time adapting. . . . he is a minimalist, and thinks counters should be completely bare, floors should be completely bare and polished, the windows should be cleaned every week, te furniture needs polishing every week, etc.

But it sounds like you are doing SO great!! I'm jealous!