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View Full Version : Beyond sad and disappointed...


MarynMunchkins
05-21-2005, 06:46 PM
And :mad and :hissyfit and :td and :cry Maybe :bheart says it best...:(

We had dinner with my cousin's family and my bil's family. There's 9 kids between the 3 of us. The oldest is 11, and than Doug (5) is the next oldest of the 8. :) It's a lot of little kids. :cool

We had a great time, and were getting ready to go. The kids were all tired and melting down, but none of them wanted to leave because they were having such a great time. Dh's aunt told his cousin's little boy (almost 4) that he needed to take a bath, and he started to protest. Something like "No! I don't want to take a bath." :rolleyes

And she replied, "Do you want me to get the scissors?"

:/

My sil asked her what that meant, and she said... :mad :sick2 :mad :sick2 :mad :sick2

"I told him the last time he mouthed off to me that I would get the scissors and cut off his tongue"

:wow :wow WHAT KIND OF A PERSON THREATENS A 3 YEAR OLD WITH THAT?!?!?!?! :wow :wow

My sil laughed. :cry I stood there, just stunned. I'm just in shock...and frankly, sick to my stomach over it. :cry :( :cry :(

Irene
05-21-2005, 06:49 PM
thats absolutely horrid! :cry :sick2 :sick :mad

and :hug2 for you Mary... :cry

milkmommy
05-21-2005, 06:55 PM
Thats horrid :cry
Deanna

MarynMunchkins
05-21-2005, 07:06 PM
I just wanted to pick him up and take him home with me. :( I can't believe I'm related to these people. :neutral

Jillian
05-21-2005, 07:07 PM
OMGosh, I just had a similar experience! I am teaching a siblings class at the hospital and the mom of this little girl (also 3 years old) had just come in to the classroom. I was setting up my stuff and the mom said "Now don't walk away from me or that lady will cut your feet off." I gasped out loud, I was so shocked! The little girl kept staring at me. I shook my head no at her, and whispered "I will not!" when the mom wasn't looking. I was just appauled.

milkmommy
05-21-2005, 07:12 PM
I remember once we were on vaccation and I had opened the car door while in motion (pulling away from a parking lot) so my father told me if I did it again he's make me ride under the car.. Now it doesn't even make much sense o me and it was very unlike my father and my DB remembers it more like a joke but I was maybe three it terrified me I honestly thought he would kill me if I opened the door again. :cry

Deanna

Chris3jam
05-21-2005, 07:27 PM
I'm like :eek :eek :eek :mad. I'm speechless. That's inexcusable.

ShowersofBlessings
05-21-2005, 07:31 PM
Oh my! :sick2 :sick :mad :sick2 :sick :mad That is TERRIBLE!!!!

tree_hugger
05-21-2005, 08:05 PM
Mary, that is just disgusting. :sick

bliss
05-21-2005, 08:29 PM
This is the kind of thing ss's mom says to her three boys. Gee I wonder why they are total hellions that never listen to a word she says?

Boys and Angels
05-21-2005, 10:44 PM
I trty to not say things I wouldn't want said to me. Guess what? That isn't one of those things!

Tulip_Plus_3
05-22-2005, 12:14 AM
Say it to a child and it's okay, you're just doing your job as a parent. Say it to an adult and you get jail time for threatening bodily harm.

Stuff like this makes me sick. Satan must just laugh & laugh at the pain stuff like this causes little children's souls.

gamomof2
05-22-2005, 01:17 AM
:eek :sick :sick2 :cry

inesperada
05-22-2005, 04:57 AM
Saying that to a child is sick. :sick2 :sick2 :cry

But on top of that, it's really bad parenting. Children need to know that mom is going to follow through on her words when she says "If you do that again, we are going to xyz". And knowing that she is not *actually* going to do it, all she's managing to do is to teach him that she won't follow through with her empty threats and he will get more defiant as time goes on. :shrug

MarynMunchkins
05-22-2005, 05:50 AM
It wasn't his mom - it was his grandma. :wow I bet he's really comfortable spending time with her now. :(

Katherine
05-22-2005, 07:12 AM
Mary,

How awful! :cry I'm so sorry for that little boy, and your whole family.

Why do people think that kids can understand and appreciate that kind of exaggeration? Most adults will agree that young children can't always distinguish real from "pretend" so why do they think kids understand that they are using dramatic exaggeration to "make a point."

(and why is that ok to begin with? Too many adults use sarcasm and exaggeration to express themselves instead of relying on straightforward, intelligent communication.) :/ :rolleyes

ETA: This is like so many other insensitive things that I see adults (Christian adults who are generally nice, normal people) doing to kids for the sake of their own entertainment. Grabbing a toy and playing keep away until the child gets frustrated... tripping, restraining, or other physical "play" that satisfies their need to be a bully but aggravates little ones... trying to be nice and play with a child, but then insisting that he do it "right" (e.g. the way the adult thinks toys should be played with) or taking something that belongs to the child without asking and then self-righteously reprimanding the child to "share".... telling the child an untruth that will scare them or elicit some so-called "humorous" reaction, but that leaves the child feeling fearful (that's similar to what this grandmother did).

WHY? WHY? WHY? Do they really think that children don't have REAL feelings, or do they just not think that kids' feelings are not important? or have they just never sat down to think about it? or do they believe on some level that children must be demeaned and mistreated in order to learn their "place" in life? :hissyfit :banghead Very upsetting. :bheart

inesperada
05-22-2005, 08:10 AM
:wow :wow :eek

His grandma!?!?!?!?!? That's terrible. Sorry I misunderstood.

lumpofclay
05-22-2005, 09:01 AM
That is terrible! :bheart :cry :bheart :cry

Close2MyHeart
05-22-2005, 09:05 AM
oh my goodness!! :shock That's just sick. :sick2

erinee
05-22-2005, 10:20 AM
"Now don't walk away from me or that lady will cut your feet off."

When I worked in the children's room at the library, that sort of thing bothered me no end. I *hated* it when moms would make me the villain that would harm their children. No wonder so many adults are intimidated by librarians and won't set foot in a library! I would tell the child straight out that it was not true, I didn't care what the mom thought or if I was somehow undermining her authority -- she set herself up for it! And this was before I had kids!

As far as the OP, I have no words. :cry For now, that little boy is scared to death of his grandma, and later, he'll realize she won't do it, and her words will be meaningless to himl. Sad. :hugheart

sadie
05-22-2005, 01:35 PM
Oh man, Mary. I am actually crying right now. :cry :cry :cry

I am praying for that poor little boy. :pray

kris10s
05-22-2005, 01:36 PM
:mad :sick2 :cry

That is disturbing.

purplerose
05-22-2005, 01:57 PM
Was she saying it seriously as a threat, or was she just joking around? My SIL will say to her kids sometimes when they hurt their finger and are crying she'll say "Oh baby, what should we do? Will it feel better if we cut if off" And then the toddler will laugh and say "NO silly mommy!" And then they've forgotten about hurting their finger. Is that wrong to say too?!

Carlashelle
05-22-2005, 02:15 PM
Very disturbing! Oh, man, I can't even imagine! :td

milkmommy
05-22-2005, 02:24 PM
Was she saying it seriously as a threat, or was she just joking around? My SIL will say to her kids sometimes when they hurt their finger and are crying she'll say "Oh baby, what should we do? Will it feel better if we cut if off" And then the toddler will laugh and say "NO silly mommy!" And then they've forgotten about hurting their finger. Is that wrong to say too?!


Part will depend on the child but personally I'd be VERY carefull about it.. What an adult sees as a joke even when laughing a child can take seriously. I HATED sacrism as a child and even though I often laughed at things like this I also thought it could happen.

Deanna

Katherine
05-22-2005, 04:10 PM
My SIL will say to her kids sometimes when they hurt their finger and are crying she'll say "Oh baby, what should we do? Will it feel better if we cut if off" And then the toddler will laugh and say "NO silly mommy!" And then they've forgotten about hurting their finger. Is that wrong to say too?!

I certainly wouldn't pass judgement on your SIL. She knows her kids, and manages to do this in a playful way that obviously doesn't make them feel threatened or alarmed. That's her call with her kids. My parents used to joke with us the same way and I am not scarred for life. ;)

Having said that, I personally would NOT joke like this with my 3yo or with anyone else's child. You never know which things a child is going to take seriously, and even if they *know* you're joking, it's just kind of icky to think about cutting off part of your body... and a child's imagination might easily take them there, iykwim. If an adult got hurt, I would inquire as to their well-being, see if there was anything they needed, make sure they were ok, etc... I wouldn't make light of their injury or joke about cutting off appendages. :shrug Maybe it's just me... :shifty but I treat my kids the same way. I don't like to see adults make light or brush off the feelings of a child who's been hurt just b/c they don't want to "baby" them.

Also, I read the OP and it seems it certainly WAS issued as a threat in response to a behavior the Grandma did not like. Here's the quote:

he started to protest. Something like "No! I don't want to take a bath."

And she replied, "Do you want me to get the scissors?"

My sil asked her what that meant, and she said...

"I told him the last time he mouthed off to me that I would get the scissors and cut off his tongue"

So, yes, I think this is a big problem (and somewhat different from what your SIL does) b/c she is threatenting him with bodily harm that is directly related to a behavior she wants to stop. It's bad parenting technique, as some other posters have pointed out. If we assume the threat would not be literally carried out, then Grandma is teaching the child to respond to unwelcome behaviors by empty threats of grotesque violence, lying, exaggeration, and intimidation. What if a husband said something similar to his wife when she snapped at him? :eek Wouldn't most of us be outraged and assert that he was handling his anger inappropriately? Also, the child's real feelings were not being acknowledged, and he was taught nothing useful or constructive about how to handle his disappointment and frustration, or how to transition away from a pleasant activity to the "humdrum" of regular life. Lots of teaching opportunities lost.

purplerose
05-22-2005, 04:22 PM
If she's saying it as a mean threat to get the child to do something or not do soemthing, then that is just soooooooo sick and mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even joking with it wouldn't be too good either! I guess what my SIL is doing isn't too nice either!!!!

MarynMunchkins
05-22-2005, 06:52 PM
I joke with my own kids. :) "Oh, no! Looks like we need to amputate." But it's said with a smile, and they think it's hilarious.

This was threat. :td He fell down crying on the floor after she said it. :(

BornFreeBaby
05-22-2005, 10:07 PM
You said that the grandma is using these threats- and the mom is okay with this?

If my mom or dh's mom ever said something like that I would take her aside and tell them that little children don't understand this kind of sarcasm, and that if its a threat- they cannot see or talk to my child until they have apologized to the child.

That is horrendous and that woman should be put in her place.

:bheart

BornFreeBaby
05-23-2005, 12:05 PM
That is horrendous and that woman should be put in her place.


((To the OP)) After reading this back to myself, I realized that I may have been a bit harsh. Sorry about that. I was a little mad at the time I wrote that- and not just at her, but at other people I have heard doing this ALL the time to their kids. When we stop and think about how children are a GIFT from GOD why would we EVER threaten to harm them. That goes for spanking as well.
JMO