BornFreeBaby
05-10-2005, 06:20 PM
Hello all,
I am a WAHM, and I'd like to tell my story and ask some ?'s
Im apologizing in advance if this gets long...
When I was pregnant with my dd (now 17 mo.) I was given the book Babywise as a gift from my christian co-workers at the chrisitan school I taught at. I was told numerous times that his way was the only sane way to parent and that I would have dd sleeping through the night in 1 month, that CIO is a must in order to not spoil/have a fussy baby...yada yada. My mom was one of those voices as well, so I read it to hubby and studied what I was "suppose" to do. No one told me different, so I assumed that was the mainstream thing to do. The book was VERY convincing at the time, and it gave me rules/steps/schedules, and being an organized and scheduled person myself, it made sense at the time. I had never been raised in an attached environ. I think that my assumption about babies in general is that they were suppose to be laying in their crib playing with their mobile/other toy/ most of the time. I had no idea what a baby was really like.
dd's birth was not an easy one, I was induced early because my ob was going on vacation (next time will be home birth), and my milk didn't come in (even with me pumping ev. 2 hrs) until 1 week later, so she was immediately put on formula her 2nd day. But I wanted to bf very much- but the evil nurses werent helpful when she wouldn't latch and told me that dd was a tongue sucker? and would not get the hang of it. Well, I pumped anyway to give her what I could in bottles.
Immediately I put dd on a feeding schedule -not waking her if she sleeps at night- in her own crib,(per b-wise advice)and it worked, but I began to feel a distance growing btw me and dd. I lost my milk production after 1 mo. because dd slept all night as a newborn..(at first)and had to buy exp. Nutram. formula ($200/mo)
At 5 mos she started to not sleep thru, and I thought that there was something wrong with her -that I had to fix her because of what I had read. I began to let her cry as the book said and it broke my heart. I would cry as she was crying for 1 hour. And after reading the book to hubby, he then didnt permit me to bring her into our bed when my gut was telling me to... somehow its easier for men to cut off their feelings about this?
I felt her losing trust in me, pushing away from me, almost as if she became an angry baby. She was always so independent- crawling at 5 mo, walking at 8.5 mo and running ever since. BUT STILL she wasn't sleeping thru the night at 14mo and waking at 1 and 5 am screaming up to an hour during the night. The cries got worse, and I realized that I was teaching her she had to scream louder and longer. At times she would wake up w/ an immediate ear-piercing scream like she was in pain- so we would come running, but she only wanted to be near us! Finally I said to dh enough is enough- even though she is independent- she NEEDS ME.. I don't care what that stupid book says anymore. I began to pray and ask God to show me the way to parent her.
I asked for advice on another baby website and was introduced to AP- which I had never heard of. I was told I should listen to my gut and give my baby the emotional support/or another feeding that she needed. What a relief! After immediately tending to her needs at night and trying to wear her on my hip when i could during the day- she finally slept through the night.
It was as though she finally got what she needed and could take a sigh of relief. Now I realize that babies arent made to sleep thru and its okay if I don't. Now I know that I will do what my gut tells me from now on and with my next one.
MY QUESTION: Is there anything more I can do to re-attach and make her feel secure at 17 mo? I have a lot of guilt from CIO. My dd doesn't like to be held much in the sling because she is a very active baby and struggles with me, but I do wear her outside. But she loves to be rocked w/bottle before bed or before nap... I take her to bed with me now (I won over dh after reading him Dr. Sears ap book) but she doesn't like to sleep next to me now that she's used to her bed... I feel like I am losing my baby now because of how independent she is and is growing into a toddler so fast!!!
Is there anything else I can do?
Thank you for any advice!
I am a WAHM, and I'd like to tell my story and ask some ?'s
Im apologizing in advance if this gets long...
When I was pregnant with my dd (now 17 mo.) I was given the book Babywise as a gift from my christian co-workers at the chrisitan school I taught at. I was told numerous times that his way was the only sane way to parent and that I would have dd sleeping through the night in 1 month, that CIO is a must in order to not spoil/have a fussy baby...yada yada. My mom was one of those voices as well, so I read it to hubby and studied what I was "suppose" to do. No one told me different, so I assumed that was the mainstream thing to do. The book was VERY convincing at the time, and it gave me rules/steps/schedules, and being an organized and scheduled person myself, it made sense at the time. I had never been raised in an attached environ. I think that my assumption about babies in general is that they were suppose to be laying in their crib playing with their mobile/other toy/ most of the time. I had no idea what a baby was really like.
dd's birth was not an easy one, I was induced early because my ob was going on vacation (next time will be home birth), and my milk didn't come in (even with me pumping ev. 2 hrs) until 1 week later, so she was immediately put on formula her 2nd day. But I wanted to bf very much- but the evil nurses werent helpful when she wouldn't latch and told me that dd was a tongue sucker? and would not get the hang of it. Well, I pumped anyway to give her what I could in bottles.
Immediately I put dd on a feeding schedule -not waking her if she sleeps at night- in her own crib,(per b-wise advice)and it worked, but I began to feel a distance growing btw me and dd. I lost my milk production after 1 mo. because dd slept all night as a newborn..(at first)and had to buy exp. Nutram. formula ($200/mo)
At 5 mos she started to not sleep thru, and I thought that there was something wrong with her -that I had to fix her because of what I had read. I began to let her cry as the book said and it broke my heart. I would cry as she was crying for 1 hour. And after reading the book to hubby, he then didnt permit me to bring her into our bed when my gut was telling me to... somehow its easier for men to cut off their feelings about this?
I felt her losing trust in me, pushing away from me, almost as if she became an angry baby. She was always so independent- crawling at 5 mo, walking at 8.5 mo and running ever since. BUT STILL she wasn't sleeping thru the night at 14mo and waking at 1 and 5 am screaming up to an hour during the night. The cries got worse, and I realized that I was teaching her she had to scream louder and longer. At times she would wake up w/ an immediate ear-piercing scream like she was in pain- so we would come running, but she only wanted to be near us! Finally I said to dh enough is enough- even though she is independent- she NEEDS ME.. I don't care what that stupid book says anymore. I began to pray and ask God to show me the way to parent her.
I asked for advice on another baby website and was introduced to AP- which I had never heard of. I was told I should listen to my gut and give my baby the emotional support/or another feeding that she needed. What a relief! After immediately tending to her needs at night and trying to wear her on my hip when i could during the day- she finally slept through the night.
It was as though she finally got what she needed and could take a sigh of relief. Now I realize that babies arent made to sleep thru and its okay if I don't. Now I know that I will do what my gut tells me from now on and with my next one.
MY QUESTION: Is there anything more I can do to re-attach and make her feel secure at 17 mo? I have a lot of guilt from CIO. My dd doesn't like to be held much in the sling because she is a very active baby and struggles with me, but I do wear her outside. But she loves to be rocked w/bottle before bed or before nap... I take her to bed with me now (I won over dh after reading him Dr. Sears ap book) but she doesn't like to sleep next to me now that she's used to her bed... I feel like I am losing my baby now because of how independent she is and is growing into a toddler so fast!!!
Is there anything else I can do?
Thank you for any advice!