When church beliefs conflict with your parenting

[mama2mychildren]

To make a long story short, pastor is doing a sermon series on family. In one of his sermons he discussed spanking as neccesary for discipline. I'm just curious how many of you stay in churches where some of the things preached or supported are in direct conflict with what you believe the Bible says? I know I may not always agree with what our Pastor states but am really feeling conflicted about this one and whether it is the "right" place for our family in light of the comments.

[Beyond Blessed]

From what I understand, the churches that are GBD are few and far between. Many, if not most, of the mamas I've read here have issues with their church. My church apparently had a GKGW class before we started attending and then when we were attending (and impressionable :( ) they had Parenting Boot Camp - basically "biblical spanking" :sick Two weeks ago the pastoral intern took a turn teaching on the Proverbs (our current series). He's the one who ran the GKGW classes and that week he chose parenting. My dh runs the powerpoint on Sundays and is responsible for recording the sermons. Was it divine intervention that he forgot to turn on the recorder and now we don't have that sermon to put on our website or make available at our message ministry? I'm just thankful he forgot. I try to gently make my views apparent to my friends at church (we are a very small church), but I'm new to GBD so I'm learning how to gracefully tell my friends about our new view on raising our children. I want to approach the pastoral staff and ask for a grace based seminar. Just don't know of any yet.

[BluegrassMama]

I think we all have to figure out our personal standard. For dh and I, we are willing to tolerate the occasional "spanking as a last, albeit Biblical, resort" remark. But our consciences won't allow us to sit politely when somebody recommends systematic child abuse like Ezzo or Pearl.

We are not really happy with our current church. The main reason we are attending is because there is no 'official' discipline stance, and no Ezzoing parents. On the rare occasions that the leadership have made any spanking reference, it was just a small remark about what they did when their children were young. Not even giving advice, really. I can handle that :) .

[Micah]

http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/mb/index.php?topic=4921.0

Here is a thread that was recently made regarding this very issue, it may be helpful.

[booboo]

I would schedule a meeting with your pastor. Like others have said, GBD churches are few and far between. If it bothers you that much, it wouldn't hurt to talk to him about it with your dh. Who knows? This could give you a great opportunity to share with others in your church as well. :)

[DebraBaker]

I am so glad our Pastor doesn't do these teachings.

It would be very difficult whether I stayed of left.

db

[snlmama]

I have never heard my pastor say one word about spanking, pro or con. I think if he preached a sermon for spanking I would share w/ him why I was against it. If he continued to "push" spanking I would probably leave the church. There are plenty of other things for pastors to preach on and I think harping on spanking is unnecessary and would bother me immensly.

[Vipers_Princess]

Honestly, this is what is making it so difficult for us to find a church. We are checking out websites first, and so many of them that we hear have a great program, wonderful outreach, dynamic real-issues based teaching and preaching, etc, have something or the other about punitive and or restrictive parenting on their family page.... it just :banghead :banghead :banghead


honestly, sometimes I despair of ever finding a church. But I also refuse to comprimise and set a bad example for my kids.....

[Katherine]

There are plenty of other things for pastors to preach on and I think harping on spanking is unnecessary and would bother me immensly.

I agree. A pastor who continually dwells on specific issues like this is trying to advance his own personal beliefs and agenda rather than teaching and preaching from the wealth of amazing doctrine in God's Word. We have never heard our pastor take a stance on spanking from the pulpit, probably b/c he teaches so much doctrine and works his way through passages of scripture instead of picking a topic and rounding up proof texts to support his bottom line. I did hear our . pastor give an example of letting his new baby CIO in her crib and comparing it to how God disciplines us. :hissyfit :sick I was just beginning to learn about GBD at the time, but had been very attached with my first baby so I was :mad. I wonder if he could detect the disgusted expression on my face from where I was sitting. :think If I ever hear anything like that from the pulpit again, I will definitely be writing a letter.

I also agree that non punitive churches are very, very hard to find. :shrug It's a tough call...

[Embracing Grace]

:hug Oh I'm there with you! We really like our church, but it is very big on spanking. You spank to bring glory to God. We even received a copy of Shepherding a Child's Heart as a baby gift from the parenting department! :eekHowever, there are so many other aspects that we like about our church that we simply overlook this. My plan is to use a lot of bean dip if the subject comes up anywhere around me, or to just state my beliefs in hopes of swaying some hearts, (depending on my level of courage that day ;) ).

[odetta]

My church is in the middle of a parenting series for it's Young Couples group, and Shepharding a Child's Heart is the basis for it. :bheart Our Children's Ministry director is also big into spanking. :cry

However, I've never heard the rector mention anything about spanking -- and I have heard him address the subject of discipline in his sermons. He also just recently finished a series on Jacob, called Portrait of Grace. I have also heard rumors that there are several other families like us in the church who are opposed to spanking. So as it stands, we won't be participating in any parenting class here (and will explain why if asked, but we probably won't be) but otherwise we really love this church and are getting spiritually fed here. So we plan on staying.

[Soliloquy]

We're at a new church, only been there about a month. The sermon series for next month is "Marriage and Family." I'm glad/nervous at the same time. I've seen a few Dobson flyers in the lobby, but that's it. At least I'll know if the church has an official stand after next month.

[mamaKristin]

I just raised this question with DH yesterday. First of all, we cannot comprehend how spanking can even BE a topic preached from the pulpit. We are Anglican church members though, and the clergy are expected to follow the lectionary of biblical readings, therefore, spanking cannot be a topic from the pulpit. Preaching is not done topically, as a rule. DH's response was simple (and bold, especially if you knew him!) "I would rather attend a liberal church that denied the divinity of Christ than attend a church that pushed a punitive, antagonistic view of parenting and God's grace."

[greenemama]

i think most pastors probably do not realize that there are christians out there who do not spank due to a conviction not to. they are probably thinking that they are exhorting parents to discipline and to not be permissive, and to them discipline means spank.

otoh, so many pastors have control freak issues and believe that there is only one right way to parent, etc., so they preach that way and everyone needs to get out of the way.

personally, i believe that such decisions need to be left up to inidividual families to decide, and since the scriptures are not completely clear on the matter, the preaching on the subject should not be done in a way that says one way or another is mandated by scripture.

:hug