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View Full Version : Another was this punative?

Micah
04-23-2005, 10:40 AM
Ok ladies, bear with me pleeaaase, I have so much to learn! Our family is just starting our journey with GD so we still have some (ok a lot) of punitive habits and hooks in us. :shifty

Was this 'ok' in *your* book or punitive?

I am all for the helping when it comes to picking/cleaning up for young children...however my almost 4 year old, almost 7 year old and almost 9 year old were coloring at the table...I gave them a 5 minute 'transistion warning'...then when the 5 mins were up let them know that I needed them to clear the table so we can have lunch...then it proceeded into....the 6 and 8 yr old each pulling on the end of my 9 year old dd's stuffed animal which was on the table and before it could be stopped, the animal ripped and the beads (beanie type animal) started spilling out. :hissyfit

Ok so I 'can' fix it! However they are paying me for my time...the boy is sweeping the whole garage and the girl is cleaning/sweeping bathrooms...rather then getting $ for the extra work, they are paying me for my time to repair/mend the toy....

I also ended up picking up all the coloring paraphanalia....so no more 'table fun' for the day as they aren't ready to pick up after themselves (coloring, games, puzzles etc)

OK? not ok? Given their ages I felt it was not punitive as they do have a concept of working and earning money etc....
MarynMunchkins
04-23-2005, 11:02 AM
That sounds fine to me. :) My older kids are only 4 and 5, and they lose coloring privileges if they can't pick stuff up. I'm not the maid. :shrug I don't mind helping, but I won't do it alone.

Working to have the toy fixed sounds fine to me, especially since they have some concept of money.

Good job! :tu
Soliloquy
04-23-2005, 03:26 PM
To me is sounds like you offered a natural consequence to their behavior. They broke something that didn't belong to them and it's important to try and restore the toy. I don't know what's all involved in the repair, but is it possible to have them help? That would add to the learning experience.

As for the "no more table activities," I think what you did was fine.
A suggestion you might consider trying if a similar situation occurs again--state the obvious. (What's obvious to us is not always obvious to kids.) "It is time for lunch. The table is full of crayons and there's no room for plates." Then, just see what they say/do. If they do nothing, it's possible they're not hungry yet and don't see a reason for any urgency to stop coloring. If there's a reason that lunch has to happen now, state the reason: "We have to be at Sally's house at 1:00. That leaves 40 minutes to eat and clean up." Then, state what needs to be done. "Crayons go back in the box. Scissors go in the drawer. The papers go in neat piles on the desk. Who will do what?" Depending on your schedule, you can try postponing lunch until they clean up.

But, again, I want to reiterate that IMO what you did wasn't punitive, just natural consequences.
jammomy
04-23-2005, 03:38 PM
I am fairly new to this, too. But the way you handled everything sounds ok to me. :tu
Micah
04-23-2005, 03:58 PM
"It is time for lunch. The table is full of crayons and there's no room for plates." Then, just see what they say/do.

Yes thank you!! That is the part I'm forgetting all the time, I need to be bonked on the head with that really! :)
ArmsOfLove
04-23-2005, 04:35 PM
I think it was fine :tu
Micah
04-23-2005, 06:53 PM
Thank all of you guys! :)
Makes me feel more confident that I'm on the right track, and gives me the drive to continue learning this new/better way even if it seems 'more work' ;)

Sure is inspiring to hear that Crystal approves as well. ya know? :)
Soliloquy
04-23-2005, 08:19 PM
"It is time for lunch. The table is full of crayons and there's no room for plates." Then, just see what they say/do.

Yes thank you!! That is the part I'm forgetting all the time, I need to be bonked on the head with that really! :)


I feel like a broken record for recommending this book all the time, but it's really helped me learn new ways to say things without resorting to nagging. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. by Faber & Mazlish. It's probably at your library.
Micah
04-23-2005, 09:01 PM
Lisa, I just got that book 2 days ago! I LOVE IT!
I read chapter 1 today...I almost feel as though I need to read that first chapter AGAIN! I want to retain, retain etc. :tu
Mrs_Hos
04-23-2005, 09:26 PM
Sounded right on track.
'Consequences' is not the same as 'Punitive'
It sounds like you gave some good consequences to behavior