when I mess up...

[Tengokujin]

How do I mentally get back on track when I have messed up and wronged my DS?? I am trying to exercise more control over my thoughts, and evaluate them for untruth, but I start a downward spiral. I feel worse and worse, and then I act worse and worse.

I am following the LGP as well, but I wonder f sometimes I am bottling anger or feelings instead of choosing and acknowledging them. It just seemsthat my pattern is one where I am patient, graceful, using good discipline tools, and then wham! I have lost it. :cry

Could it be that on some level I am thinking that I deserve better outcomes because I am using positive discipline tools, etc.?? I guess that would be a lie, because we use positive discipline tools because they are right,not necessarily because they "work" better, although in general they do. I hope that makes sense--I am not questioning GBD here.

How do you "visualize" your patience? Do you see it as something that can be used up? Or do you see patience as something that is available to you as much as you need it? I think that I see my patience as something that can be used up, and I wonder if that is a problem.

I am really struggling with my mental talk, and I could really use input/encouragement/kicks in the rear.

I think I need to replace my "I am a bad mommy who has soooo much wrong with her. How can I ever raise this child to not be twisted like a pretzel with all my weirdness?" with "I am a good mommy who cares enough about Ds to discipline herself to be an even better mommy. I will raise this child to be a healthy person because he will see me work on my own self with authenticity and openness."

Looking forward to all your wisdom to flow to me...

[ArmsOfLove]

(((((((((Rebecca))))))))

How do you "visualize" your patience? Do you see it as something that can be used up? Or do you see patience as something that is available to you as much as you need it? I think that I see my patience as something that can be used up, and I wonder if that is a problem. Great question! I guess I would say that I see it as a resource that I choose to tap into or not.

the process I went through when I would spiral was to catch myself, apologize, and start over. At first it was a matter of trying to have a better afternoon than we'd had a morning. Then it was shorter and shorter times. Eventually I got to where I could stop and choose to have a better next moment.

One big thing I had to tackle was the idea that I didn't have the power to ruin the day, afternoon, hour, minute for anyone else. Just as I need to own my own upset, so does everyone else. My big feelings don't control you or anyone else and 5 minutes of *losing it* doesn't have to ruin *the day*. :)

[Micah]

What a great post! I am going to be lurking away in here...I'd like a few of the same answers myself. ;)

[Radosny Matka]

When I turn into a raving lunatic ;) I always apologize to ds. Sometimes I need to walk away for a minute to regain composure. I think go over to him. I say I'm sorry and that ask for forgiveness. I tell him why I got upset, that yelling is never the answer, and that I am sorry. We give eachother a BIG hug and go on with our day. Thankfully the times we have to do this are getting fewer and fewer (maybe once a week and that is soooo much better than it used to be).

[Dizzy Blond]

I think I need to replace my "I am a bad mommy who has soooo much wrong with her. How can I ever raise this child to not be twisted like a pretzel with all my weirdness?" with "I am a good mommy who cares enough about Ds to discipline herself to be an even better mommy. I will raise this child to be a healthy person because he will see me work on my own self with authenticity and openness."

Or you can replace your thinking with "I am a fallen person with the power of the Holy Spirit helping me to be the best mommy that God has called me to be to my ds. God gave me this child, so He will give me the wisdom and power to raise this child the way He wants this child to go". :) :hug and :pray Have grace on yourself, too!

[Tengokujin]

I have started taping a couple of Bible verses around in view to remind myself to monitor what I am thinking. At least I can possibly stop the spiral before it has gone all day, right?

[Katherine]

Well, if you do think of patience as something that can be "used up" then maybe you can couple that with the knowledge that it can be replenished instantly with a deep breath, a prayer, etc.

I think my OWN patience... well, it can't really be "used up" b/c it barely even exists! :laughtears I have to think of it as an endless supply *at the source* which is God. I have to stay hooked up to that source.

[SansSouci]

I definitely think of patience as something that can be used up. Mine gets used up a LOT lately.

I switched my thinking from "I'm doing a horrible job." to "I'm doing the best I can." and that makes me feel better. Also, I sometimes tell myself "well, I'd like to see someone else do better! ha!" (like a dare) - and that makes me feel better, too... so long as I don't think about my friend who has 3 kids and is a totally awesome mom!!!! (Then I feel inferior!)

Something I learned from my Bradley (labor) classes.... if you are needing to relax (ie: b/c you feel your patience is all gone), consciously take a deep breath and let it out ... this really helps me take one layer of stress off of my super stressful situation (plus it actually helps lower my blood pressure!). And it gives me time to refocus myself so I don't lash out in a bad way.

love,
Elizabeth