Aaaah! How am I ever gonna do it??? Need advice from moms of 3+

[Lady TS]

Ok, I have a 4yo(in Feb) ds and a 2yo(in March) ds and I am due in 6 weeks. My 4yo has been rather defiant and does not listen to me/us when we tell him to/not to do something. Dh resorts to spanking when he doesn't listen.....I try to talk to ds and communicate or take him to the side for a 'time-out' away from whatever he is/is not doing...(or I resort to yelling :blush which I know does no good... :() My 2yo is just recently blossoming into the "terrible twos"(sorry if that offends anyone, but it's been terrible today as far as him getting into stuff--no sooner do I get him out of one thing then he is into something else---literally--all afternoon :/)

I am exhausted! I am moody...I feel like I am being a *bleep* as another person posted lately that their dh said they were when pg w/girls :blush

How am I going to handle my 2 sons when bb3 comes along? How can I pay attention to each of their needs when I will have an even more needy little one and I'll be recuperating from birth? I don't see any rest in sight at all--except perhaps the hospital--after delivery!

Please tell me it is possible to successfully/efficiently/lovingly/gently parent 3 kids this close in age!

[nutmeggmama]

Its possible.
Now, I admit I yell way too much! And make empty threats. My son seems to enjoy knowing that when Im nursing its difficult for me to redirect him (hes 4)
My 3 year old is a girl, and just wants to help, usually...
and nurse her doll.
God blessed my with a 3rd child who requires very little from me to be content. He is soo happy, and doesnt want to eat 24-7. And he sleeps really well.
My advice would be that spanking will make things worse.
I speak from experience.
The more I spanked Noah lately, the more defiant and angry he got.
I am about to start the 7 weeks to sucess...in the Gent. Dicp. forum, so hopefully that will help.
Youll be ok.
:hug

[Lady TS]

Thanks for your response.

Monday and Tuesday went so well. We went to town both days and walked around, went to the PO, library, etc and came home. Basically lazed around doing nothing around the house but pay attention to them and they played so well and we all pretty much got along.

But I can't not do anything every day, ya know? Today I kinda made up for the last two days of "doing nothingness" and made banana bread, cookies, cinnamon rolls and actually made lunch and dinner rather than having leftovers. And swept and mopped the floor. I need to try to get a freezer full of reheatable food for after the baby is born, hence all the baking.

Tomorrow we will be gone all morning and part of the afternoon to go to my doc appt.So the plus side is that the boys will be harnessed in their carseats so I don't have to chase them around. Maybe they will even fall asleep in the car. :pray

There's just a lot going on... I guess I need to figure out creative ways to deal with my various situations. Like re-childproof for my 2yo. :P

And find some time for myself--that's a really hard one, but to start my day already squeezed dry is so much harder than starting with at least a little bit of 'water' in it, kwim?

[mummy2boys]

:hug Just wanted to say that you are a great mum and I think we all have days when we wonder how we will make it through (okay...maybe not everyone but I sure do!!!) and then I remember to lean on God as He alone gives me the strength to make it through day by day, sometimes hour by hour ;)


:pray for you :heart

[shilohmm]

My third baby was such a smiler - he was really good natured, which helped a lot I think. Hope you get one of those. :) :pray

I'd recommend child proofing with a vengeance. I finally got a bunch of cheap tackle boxes and cheap padlocks to go with them. I've got one in my bedroom for jewelry and hair stuff and fingernail clippers and all that. I've got one on the main level for stamps and glue sticks and "my stuff," then another one for crafty stuff for the kids; stickers and glitter and things. And I put the bigger crafty stuff and their pre-school stuff in a four drawer file with a metal yardstick (which is actually four feet long) through the drawer handles. (Which can be risky - tippy - if the kids manage to open all four drawers, but I made sure my kids never even saw me open a drawer so they were never interested in it.)

We just ran out of "up high" space, because my kids are climbers and "up high" is WAAAY up. :P We also gated off the kitchen and laundry room, put hooks on all the doors, and various do-dads on the drawers so they couldn't be pulled out, all of which helped for a while. I gave away or put up all my plants (not that I had many left after three cats and two kids :P ). About all my two could do once I had number three was pull tons of books off the shelves and other messy-but-not-destructive things. I'd finish feeding the baby and then call the other two (or just the two year old) over to help me clean up the mess - they'd hand me the books while I put them away.

My kids figured out all the locks and gadgets we bought to protect the VCR and TV, so we finally just taught them how to use the things correctly and let it go - they periodically shoved a toy into the VCR and sometimes put a VCR tape in upside down, but hubby and I usually managed to fix that sort of thing just by unplugging it and taking the lid off. My youngest has had the hardest time figuring out how to use the VCR, because she just doesn't understand why tapes have to rewind when DVDs don't. ;)

I had laundry buckets of toys that I stashed in the basement for a while (my kids were the youngest grandkids on one side and at that point the only grandkids on the other, and they got tons of second-hand and brandnew toys), so that after the baby came I could bring a new batch of toys up on "bad" days and the kids would have haven't-seen-in-a-while toys, which sometimes worked really well, and sometimes would interest them only until they'd scattered everything around the living room. My two oldest have always played well together, which helps a lot. :)

Four-year-olds will sometimes enjoy entertaining the baby, if you give them a script/teach them how to go about it. I did a lot of "finger play" when we had just three - Eeentsy Weentsy Spider sorta stuff - which usually kept all three kids happy, and then once the oldest one learned the routine they'd do it with the youngest (assuming they don't get too vigorous with the ones where you touch someone else). And if you have a lot of those kind of things they're helpful in restaurants and things, too. I used these books every day at lunch until the older ones and I learned a lot of them:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688108059/qid=1114038520/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-2510779-7967812?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0688115330/ref=pd_bxgy_img_2/103-2510779-7967812?v=glance&s=books

My eldest son (two-year-old when number three was born) is very into ritual, so I think that's part of the reason those worked so well with him. They'd help calm him when we were eating out and things. :)

The only time I got for myself after we had three was after hubby got home - well, not entirely to myself; he'd put the older two to bed while I took care of the baby. He continued that with each baby - he'd put the older ones down and get up with them at night, while the only one I had to worry about was the youngest. :hearts I'd get the baby into a napping routine and have an hour or two in the evening that was all mine (except for the baby on my lap/in a sling, which is practically child free compared to dealing with the whole crew ;) ).

My best friend never got much help from her hubby when she had three, nor did my mom, but they both managed to get the kids down for "naps" every day. Although my mom could never decide if this was really worth it - I didn't nap by that point, and would pull all my drawers out, dump the clothes out of them and make ladders of them to climb and whatnot. :P Just have to see what works, and recognize that nothing works all the time. ;) And of course it's "those days" when it's least likely to work. :rolleyes

Guess I'll echo mummy2boys and say that sometimes all you can do is recite "This, too, shall pass" and trust that Romans 8:28 applies even to parenting. :P :hug

Sheryl

[UltraMother]

I was not yet a gentle mother when I had my third, but it is doable. Enlist all the help that you can while you recover from birth. The sling will be your best friend. Put on a movie for #1, and you and baby nap with #2. I actually found that the third was easier to add than the second. Not sure why, but other friends confirm this too. My whole 3rd pg my mantra was "God will provide me with the strength I need", or something to that effect.

[BluegrassMama]

:hug I had 3 babies under 3 yrs old. It was hard. We lived outdoors...it wore the babies out so they slept better, and minimized housework. I kept all the toys and playtime in my biggest room, and we really only used that room and the kitchen during the day, which left us the dining room as a 'parlor' that was always tidy. Very refreshing to have a room reserved for adults to recharge their batteries! Clutter stresses me out and there is alot of it with several babies!

All mine were good co-sleepers, so that's how we got some rest. The two older ones had toddler beds right outside our door, sometimes in our room. Either was likely to crawl in with us during the night, which was fine. Dh washed dishes and ran the sweeper. I learned to rock 3 little ones at once, and I would sing until they were all asleep. I found that the older 2 benefitted from some 'alone time' every day; so I would put them in separate rooms with neat toys (I remember N in the living room with his farm toys, and little J in the kitchen with the teaspoons and mixing bowls) and sit in the rocker so they could both see me but not each other. Gave them a little break from the chaos.

As for cooking: 15 minute meals. If I couldn't go from 'start cooking' to 'eat' in 15 minutes, then I didn't use that recipe! Also the crockpot. We were meat eaters that year (LOL we go back and forth on this; if we can afford organic then we eat meat, if not we're vegetarian)....chop stuff for your crockpot before you fall into bed at night, in the morning you or dh can load it, forget it til supper. Then all you have to do is slice some bread or if you're energetic bake muffins or biscuits or whatever, steam some veggies. Sandwiches or a pasta/canned bean/vegetable dish for lunch, easy. Yogurt and fruit. Nuts, seeds, avocados...I always try to have these on hand for quick protein and healthy fat.

As far as discipline: just tell yourself you'll rest when they're grown. I have lupus and sometimes the joint pain is just horrific, but if I lose my focus on the kids we all suffer. So I stumble somedays, but I really do stick with them and solve things as they come up. Heal the little feelings and get on with the day. The more available and present you can be, the better! Read the story, get out the modeling dough, play in the sprinkler, take a walk and point out God's beautiful world. Even if baby's fussy, even if you're beyond exhausted. The benefits are tangible, you'll be rewarded for every moment that you give.

I'm having a tough time now! Baby #4 is the most high-needs of my children. I thought nobody could top ds#2 but boy was I wrong. My lupus is flaring like it does every spring, and we have some homeschooling loose ends that we must see to. And my other boys are 4, 6, and 8 and I am tired, tired, tired! So I'm reminding myself here, too. It was hard when H was born but we got thru it and honestly all I remember is the love. I remember feeling soooo draggy and tired, but the photos from that time show smiles on everyone's faces, even mine! So it did work. We were happy.

When you can't take another step, hit your knees. I believe motherhood is a calling, and I believe the Lord knows that its hard. Lean on Him!

rambling, hope some of this helps.

[ArmsOfLove]

It's doable :)

It's also hard to parent when you are hormonal and stressed--it's also hard to be a kid when mom is hormonal and stressed and when your entire world is changing. :grouphug In the first few weeks of a new baby everything seems to sort itself out.

[Wholly Mama]

Oh, Amy (bluegrassmommy), that was such a wonderful, and uplifting post!! What a great reminder to me and others. You are such a great mama!!
And to the OP, going from 2 to 3 was a lot harder for me, but I had PPD, so that colored my view of things. Grab yourself a lot of support!! Slow down, keep things simple. Focus on the now. Focus on love.

[Lady TS]

:nak

Thanks for all of your replies!
I am going to try some of you all's suggestions and see what works for us.
I am hoping that once bb is here, my hormones will even out a bit so I won't have to contend with that as much.

Keep things simple, quick meals, childproof, pray-pray-pray!(Altho that one should really come first, I know!)

Got it! :tu

[mommyTay]

Please tell me it is possible to successfully/efficiently/lovingly/gently parent 3 kids this close in age!

:nak It is doable! Just get the thorough childproofing in place. Most of all, keep a sense of humor! :laughtears Yes, they can make you crazy, but if you keep most of your focus on the positives, it will all work out. :highfive

Just for a little perspective. Last May when I was due with Matthew, we were parents/foster parents to 8 children! That would be
12yog, 10yob (adhd), 8yob, 5yob (defiant, lacked any previous discipline), 4yog, 3yog (no coping skills, screamed about everything), 2yog, 1yog (quick wit, very creative!)
most had speech delays or learning disabilities and I was running to the school atleast once a week to talk to the principal about the 10yos latest adventure. :eek

Fortunately, my 12yo was a wonderful assistant and my mom only lives 5 miles away.
I hope you have help for the birth recovery time. :pray
Enjoy your sweet blessings, they grow uo too fast! :hug

[Kaz]

I've been readig this thread with interest 'cos I want 3+....I've been inspired by you wonderful Mamas, you're great :tu :clap

[momofmany]

I have four who are six and under and it can be a challenge! The main thing that has helped me is lowering my expectations of being the perfect homemaker/mother. I strive to do the best I can while realizing my limitations... I used to want to have a "perfect" house but now I'm going for "comfortably clean". I second the crockpot- it's a huge timesaver. Is it possible to hire someone to come in a couple of times a month and deep clean your house? Then you only have to worry about doing general straightening up type things each day. And please don't neglect your devotion time.... I really live by the words "Without Me you can do nothing." And as much as you can, try to stick to a routine... It really helps your little guys to feel secure even when things are changing. And lots of little loving touches help on the days when you are too overwhelmed to spend much time with them.

And on the days when it feels like things are out of control, remember- tomorrow's a new day and things can only get better ;)

[Lady TS]

Is it possible to hire someone to come in a couple of times a month and deep clean your house? Then you only have to worry about doing general straightening up type things each day. And please don't neglect your devotion time.... I really live by the words "Without Me you can do nothing." And as much as you can, try to stick to a routine... It really helps your little guys to feel secure even when things are changing. And lots of little loving touches help on the days when you are too overwhelmed to spend much time with them.

And on the days when it feels like things are out of control, remember- tomorrow's a new day and things can only get better ;)


Unfortunately, it's pretty much impossible to hire someone to deep clean the house, but believe me I've dreamed about it. :lol Money is extremely tight here. We were fortunate enough to be blessed with our land selling late last fall so we had some "extra" money then but it goes so quickly to the needs we've had for awhile that have needed taken care of....We still have a trailer up for sale in CO and are paying on it and paying for the lot rent for it as well(the owner of the lot doesn't allow owners to rent out)...comes to almost $500/month, which is more than a week's pay. And we need to get home insurance on the house but had to get electrical stuff updated, which came to the tune of about $1200... :/ and we don't even know how we're going to pay for the home insurance! Ugh! Finances! Stress! The next thing to go will be our tv and then after that our internet, (our agreement with them ends in May, but I'm in a quandry about getting rid of the internet since that's how I communicate with adults/get my support and information/send pics to my family--especially since I am due to have this baby in June...)

Hopefully our market gardening venture will work out well this summer and we will actually make some "extra" money to help us this along...

And on the devotional time--I agree that days that start with God go much better than those other days.

And I know I need to remember those "loving touches" for my kiddos, especially on days I find myself always saying "wait a minute", "not right now", and "maybe later"... Thanks for the reminder!

Sorry this got so long...

[2ds1dd]

It will be fine. ((( hugs )))

When I went from 1 to 2 I FREAKED out. *lol* ... I found though that going from 2 to 3 was "just adding more chaos" to our home. *lol*

And ITA with not trying to be supermom and keeping the house emaculate for at least the first year with 3. *wink*

[Miss Priss]

You'll do it. You'll do it because... well, you have to. :lol
I mean that in a good way! I felt just like you when I was expecting my 3rd. It was definitely hard, but I made it through and you will too. You'll do what you need to do, day by day, and you will all survive. :hug
I even went on to have a 4th (the transition this time was really no big deal).