11 year old

[daffodil]

So onto my second question of the day :smile

My 11 year old is playing nintendo. He has been for at least an hour. It is now bedtime so I ask him to please turn it off and get ready for bed. Instead he starts a new game. I know he heard me. I repeat my request nicely but firm. He ignores. I turn it off for him and send him to do what he is supposed to be doing. Of course he sais I am mean and slams the door. I follow him and explain to him that my request was acctualy not mean because he has been on there for a whole hour and to finish another game would take at least 20 min more and it is late. How would you have handled this? Do GBD kids say that there parents are mean when they don't get their way Or am I doing something wrong?

[MarynMunchkins]

My kids tell me I'm mean and they hate me. :rolleyes And I tell them that they can feel angry and disappointed, but they have to use respectful words to say it. :)

They can be as upset as they want to be, and it doesn't change my boundary. Frankly, I wouldn't have followed or explained. I would have reflected his feelings "You think I'm mean because I said you couldn't play anymore. You're disappointed. Get ready for bed." That's it. :)

[daffodil]

I guess it hurts my feelings when they say that :cry

[ArmsOfLove]

I try not to take anything personal that comes out of an immature mouth :) It's a very real expression of a very real feeling . . . but done very immaturely. I usually reflect back the feelings with more appropriate words--"You are angry. You don't like my decision"

Being proactive means identifying the problem and figuring out a solution for it. in our home video games are played at a specific time and for a specific length of time. If he goes over that time it comes off the next days time. It's also tied to him having his room clean before it starts otherwise he continues cleaning as part of his video playing time.

I would also not ask with a "please" if it's not an optional thing :) "Please" makes it optional. You aren't really making a request, you are giving an instruction. Instructions come from authority.