"Break their will, not their spirit"

[TraceMama]

At the "Boundaries with Kids" workshop I was at this weekend, one of the parents mentioned this phrase when talking about her strong-willed ds. I've heard it before, but this time it made me cringe --- I really hope it didn't register on my face :blush

I guess I like to think of GBD as having nothing to do with breaking ds' will. I'd like him to learn that when he runs up against a limit time and time again and its reinforced the same way that he needs to change his behavior. However, I really don't consider that breaking his will, frustrating it maybe, but not breaking it.

Any thoughts on this statement? I'd like to hear what you all think of it.

[ArmsOfLove]

According to dictionary.com the "will" is
The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action: championed freedom of will against a doctrine of predetermination.
The act of exercising the will.

Diligent purposefulness; determination: an athlete with the will to win.
Self-control; self-discipline: lacked the will to overcome the addiction.
A desire, purpose, or determination, especially of one in authority: It is the sovereign's will that the prisoner be spared.
Deliberate intention or wish: Let it be known that I took this course of action against my will.
Free discretion; inclination or pleasure: wandered about, guided only by will.
Bearing or attitude toward others; disposition: full of good will.

A legal declaration of how a person wishes his or her possessions to be disposed of after death.
A legally executed document containing this declaration.



I certainly don't want to break my child's will. I want to shape it.

[Quietspirit]

Exactly what Crystal said! :clap

[TulipMama]

This idea was very common when I was growing up, among the Christian mamas I was watching and learning about parenting from. I see now that it's had such a negative impact on me.

[Oliveshoots]

yeah what Crystal said....

and, break their will so they can grow up to be taken advantage of and manipulated by control-freaks? :rolleyes No thanks, i prefer that my kids be strong and confident in how they interact with others. My guess is that most strong-willed children grow up to be very stable and emotionally healthy, with healthy boundaries in their relationships, IF their will is shaped within God's will. We all have a will...if we didn't we woud be robots. The challenge is to let "Thy wiil be my will"....therefore teaching our kids to let God's will be their will.....in that case, the stronger the better, if your will is under God's. Does that make sense> sorry....nak

[mothergoose]

Whenever I hear someone talk about breaking a child's will it makes me cringe. Maybe because I'm so STRONG willed and my mother thought she had to break my will (and in some ways I think she succeeded). I like to think that we are to mold and guide our children's will, and to help them develop it. Having your will broken just sounds so demoralizing - like something you do to prisoners of war or something. God made us with our wills for our own protection and it is our job as parents to teach our children so that as they grow and mature, and develop spiritually their will becomes more and more aligned with God's will. I want my children to obey out of a heart of obedience and a desire to love and please God - not because they are terrified of the consequences.

[TraceMama]

Thanks for your responses! You all put into words exactly what I was thinking. I definitely don't want to break ds' will. It disturbed me when she said it and I'm glad you've backed up my initial reaction to her statement.

There will be no breaking of wills in this house! :)

[tigerlily]

we were talking about something similar in Bible study today.

Our Bible study author mentioned that she is saddened that so many people seem to think that complete emotional brokeness/devestation is a tool God uses to teach us. However, she doesn't feel like complete devestation is from God but rather of Satan to break a Christian.

Rather God uses tests and trials to teach us to bend our wills and spirits to align with his good plan for our lives and his glory :).

I think this is what we want for our dc as well. :)

[Oliveshoots]

God made us with our wills for our own protection and it is our job as parents to teach our children so that as they grow and mature, and develop spiritually their will becomes more and more aligned with God's will. I want my children to obey out of a heart of obedience and a desire to love and please God - not because they are terrified of the consequences.


okay, this is what my babbling earlier was SUPPOSED to mean :mrgreen what she said :tu :highfive