16 month

[SuperMama]

Need some suggestions on how to "discipline" my dd, who is 16 months old. She has quite the temper, and gets so frustrated because we have trouble communicating with her. She doesn't talk a lot, but seems to understands a lot. I find myself getting upset with her, and borderline angry. She is SO little, and I don't want to feel this way.

[milkmommy]

Can you give some specific examples?

Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

:hug

Definately some specifics on what is going on when she loses it will help us give ideas :)

Also, teaching some baby signs can really help a bright and communicative little one communicate more before they are verbal :tu

[MarynMunchkins]

Colin is 17 months, and naming his feelings in the midst of the temper helps me feel less out of control, and (I think :P) will help him once he can communicate a little better. If he's screaming because I took a glass out of his hand, I'll say "You're angry because Mommy took the glass. Let's go find your cup." :)

[cklewis]

Colin is 17 months, and naming his feelings in the midst of the temper helps me feel less out of control, and (I think :P) will help him once he can communicate a little better. If he's screaming because I took a glass out of his hand, I'll say "You're angry because Mommy took the glass. Let's go find your cup." :)


Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I have just seen a new side to my lil guy too! He's understanding that there are choices, and he's not entirely sure he knows how to communicate them. Honestly, reflecting his feelings, "You are so upset that Mommy won't let you drink her coffee." and comforting "You're having big feelings. Let's snuggle until you feel better." does work.

But I'm eager to hear specifics too. .. . For my own education.

:hug

C

[DogwoodMama]

It's a fun age, isn't it? :banghead ;) :laughtears :hug

My dd isn't very verbal, either, but I usually know why she's mad or not doing what I want her to do. So I do a lot of reflection, naming feelings, hugs, etc.

Here is an example... Charlotte has seen my husband drinking out of two-liter bottles a lot :eek (I have tried to break him of this habit, unsuccessfully! :rolleyes). She has now started mimicing this behavior, will play with empty bottles and pretend to drink out of them like daddy. However, she also recently figured out how to unscrew the cap of the bottle and was putting it in her mouth (the cap) which totally freaks me out and is not OK. So dh had to take the bottle and the cap away from her. This made her VERY ANGRY, major major fit. So I told her "You are mad! Daddy took the bottle away!" repeating it to her and sitting next to her until she calmed down enough to let me hold her. She finally did, and we cuddled, and then I redirected her to her books and we read some stories together.

I just posted that because it's been our most recent incident. :) Maybe we could all post about situations where we successfully or not so successfully handled situations with our 1 year olds? :)

[butterflyqueen71]

I agree with Betsy...my dd is 18 months old now, and if I thought she had bad temper tantrums at 16 months, 18 months has been 10x harder! :eek She now has about 10x as many meltdowns during the day over just about any little thing. And it's getting to the place where redirecting is just not working anymore.

Sooo...what I am learning is this...to accept where she's at at her stage of development. She has a few words, and has trouble expressing herself so she does it the only way she knows how. I do a lot of "reflecting feelings", but I also state very clearly something like this "I know you want to play with the scissors, but they are dangerous and you can get hurt." Very calmly, without saying "No" all the time.

Or, I give her an alternative. For example, she's wanting to mark with a Sharpie marker or something. Well, of course she can't do that. So, I bought her some washable markers and crayons and whenever she finds a pen or something she "can't" have, I immediately give her some paper, sit her in her high chair and let her mark away. Most of the time it works. ;)

I am learning that she WILL have tantrums. It's just a fact of life for her right now at this stage. Accepting that fact and "expecting" certain age appropriate behaviors helps me keep my own sanity. Most of the time, the tantrums are over as quickly as they come....like the weather, if you don't like it, wait 5 minutes. ;) I don't let her tantrums "move" me, in other words, I don't allow myself to get drawn into her emotions...it is best to remain calm yet still acknowledging her feelings. I also find that if I put myself in my dd's shoes...gee, here's this cool, shiny thing that my mama won't let me have and all I want to do is see it and play with it, and she won't let me...I know how she's feeling. I think that's called "empathy"? I"ve even said to her "I know, honey, I'd feel the same way too"...and just give her big hugs and lots of "nonny" (nursies). :)

Anyway, just thought I'd share my experiences with you. This is a fascinating age, to be sure! I don't know if what I do is GBD or not, but it "feels" right and works for us.

HTH!

[gracefuljourney]

I don't allow myself to get drawn into her emotions...it is best to remain calm yet still acknowledging her feelings.

I totally agree with everything Kimberly has written. I especially like the above sentence. This is important to remember at all times . . . especially when the sweet 16 month old is now a sweet hormonal 14 yod. (Can you tell the stage we are in? I have been through this with my two oldest girls so far . . . I always believe that the ages of 12 - 15 are going to destroy us, it is SO intense . . . then magically at about fifteen, it all hits even keel again. I didn't go through this with my son, praise God!)