Um, ok, DUH!

[Chris3jam]

Well, dh and I had kind of a breakthrough. We've been going round and round about this spanking thing. He says we need to, I say no. I've given him all kinds of explanation. I've asked questions up the ying-yang. I've pointed out that he never DOES spank unless he's angry, etc., etc. Well, tonight, we were talking and it occurred to me, all of a sudden. . . . . I've been approaching this from the wrong angle! :doh

So, I took all our pastor says about "off your butt parenting", and establishing a good relationship with our children, unconditional love (and showing it) to our children, setting boundaries, natural consequences, etc. -- basically everything he says, except for the spanking part. I explained that GBD is all of that -- just leaving out the spanking part. And, do you know, he LISTENED! :dance And it even looked like he agreed! He does stand firm on the "spanking for deliberate defiance" thing, or the "deliberate disobedience" thing, and the "bad attitude and disrespect" thing, but this is a start!

[schoolofmom]

Yay! :pray that you two are able to come into full agreement on this.

[MarynMunchkins]

Dh and I were talking about that last night. He said my argument for gentle parenting is a LOT better than my one against spanking, so I should focus on teaching how to parent more gently vs. stop spanking. :D

I can totally handle dealing with that. ;)

[mom2threePKs]

Yeah!!!!! :highfive

Magan

[booboo]

Alright!!! :highfive :tu

[Embracing Grace]

Cool!! :tu

DH and I are having the same conversation right now. I have really begun to see, (with the help of some ladies here), that emphesizing and understanding principles of GBD is much more effective at influencing dh than just talking about how spanking is not good.

[Dizzy Blond]

Yeah! :tu I'll have to try this approach ...

[Micah]

That is a great start...um are we married to the same guy?! ;)

[Chris3jam]

I did have occasion just recently to try and explain further, ala our pastor (since he holds out pastors' words in such esteem). He told our 7 yo to carry a gallon of milk into the house. Well, this 7 yo is 47 lbs dripping wet, his arms are thinner than my 3 yo dd's arms, and I would never ask him to carry something like that that far. Anyway, he dropped it (um, :doh). Dh led him to me and said (sarcastically), "OK, since I don't know what I'm doing, fix it!". And so I waited until 7 yo ds was out of the room (after telling him to go clean it up -- which he did). And I asked, "OK, was it deliberate disobedience? Was he even playing around or goofing off?" And he wasn't. My point was, as I was trying to gently point out, that dh wanted so badly to spank our 7 yo for something that was obviously an accident (which our pastor tells us never to spank for -- talks about youthful goofs, things like that). I gently pointed out that I never ask 7 yo ds to carry in the milk, but stay outside and hand him the lighter stuff in the bags. And if it's important that he pay attention to what he's doing, tell him that :D (and remove whatever stick or ball is in his hand at the time :D). Dh was trying to say that 7 yo ds was "Disobedient because he knew not to play around. He was told to carry in the milk, and that's that! He was not told to play around also." So, I asked dh, "Did you tell him not to play around? Did you tell him to use both hands? Was he even playing around?"

So, anyway, dh wanted to spank our 7 yo for an accident (which is a big no-no for even our punitive pastor), which is what I think I got him to see for himself. He didn't want to spank for anything but the fact that he was angry that our 7 yo dropped the gallon of milk, which I hope he saw. He didn't tell him not to play around (even though 7 yo ds was not "playing around")-- he didn't even tell him not to drop it. :D So 7 yo ds did not get a spanking that day :D, and dh might have even gotten a glimmer of his true motives for spanking --- venting!

[SandKsmama]

This is so good for me to read...I am right there with my dh too. He has come a LOOOONG way, but still is in that mindset of "if we don't spank, they'll turn out wild and uncontrollable". So, your example with the milk really helps me - that kind of stuff happens all the time here.

Thanks!
Amanda