kids play rough/mean with stuffed animals and dolls

[booboo]

I'm talking about my kids! They 6 and 4 and like my 4 yo: her Pat the Bunny takes a great "beating." She literally tortures this thing like to purposely hurt it. And they sometimes do this with their dolls as well and their other stuffed animals. I'm trying to teach them to be nice to the toys, to be gentle and play nicely but I'm clueless how to handle this. When we're outside, people laugh at this rough play with their toys but I'm upset. They laugh when they do this as well.

Am I right? How would you handle something like this? Now my older one does have some issues which we're trying to figure out but still, some things are inappropriate. Tell me I'm not overreacting, if I'm not. :think

[ArmsOfLove]

Can you describe the *torture*? Unless it is something over the top I'd actually say it's normal and perhaps being made worse because of the focus it's getting :shrug

[booboo]

Okay, she slides her bunny down the front steps and makes it fall to the ground. She does its voice (scruffy sounding - which is funny!) and says "oh, that hurts!" "my head hurts!", etc. It's not even so much what is being done to it as how much they laugh at the "complaints" by the bunny. (again, voice done by my 4 yo)

I've tried to have a sense of humor, saying, "I think I'll go sleep with the cat". But I don't know if I'm encouraging this. Sometimes I forget kids don't take hints even if they're done in a funny way. I was honestly tempted to put the thing by one of our cats!

[ArmsOfLove]

That sounds like very normal play. Children work out their understanding of the world through play. She might be exploring reactions to when she gets hurt or when others get hurt, or grappling with a fear of falling or of pain. I would stay out of it, personally. The kind of things that would concern me would be systematic torture, actual harm to the stuffed animal, or torturing of real animals and it doesn't sound like this is happening. I understand that you are uncomfortable with this, but it doesn't sound like a negative thing as far as play goes.

[MarynMunchkins]

It sounds pretty normal to me too. :)

[booboo]

Thank you for your opinions! I wanted them to play "gently" with the stuffed animals. I really tried telling them in a way they'd understand, but they just ended up laughing. We have 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, and they are well loved by the kids as well as us parents. So maybe it's okay. I didn't think about the real animals! :heart

[milkmommy]

totally normal :D Though you can try some play full parenting, When bunny falls down you can suddenly turn into the ambulance complete with siern comming to check out the damage done. I do this when DD throws her children against the walls. She comes over and we bandage her up and then both baby and "mommy" gets lots of get better kisses...

Deanna

[arymanth]

I agree that this sounds totally normal.... here is my hindsight-perspective on this:

When my kids were little they all did this, but at the time I always focused on just trying to make them stop! After about 16 years of experience, (read that "making mistakes" :blush) I've figured out that stopping the BEHAVIOR does not always get to the root of WHY they were doing it in the first place.

This is the perfect opportunity to show your kids how we respond when someone gets hurt. Go in and show compassion, check for injuries, give love and cuddles, and in general let them know that it is NOT ALL RIGHT to ignore someone who is hurt, even if YOU are the one who hurt them. (like when they lose their temper and hurt a sibling or friend)

I think that some children do these kinds of things to work out their own emotions about how they feel when they get hurt. (not that anyone hurts them IRL, but owies DO happen, and in this case, they have to CAUSE the owie so they can see what happens.) I would use this as a prime opportunity to demonstrate how to respond, and by extension to reassure them that if THEY ever get hurt, this is how YOU will respond to them.

My kids are older, and I realize now that I spent waaaaay too much time playing the blame game when one of them hurt the other instead of focusing on showing compassion to the one who got hurt. (as though punishing the offender would make the victim feel better? sigh....) There is always plenty of time LATER to talk about why we don't hurt others, but the biggest lesson is to get in there and show COMPASSION as being the correct response to others. This goes right along with the idea of teaching them "gentle touch" instead of "don't hit".... it gives them a positive pattern of what TO do instead of just another example of what NOT to do. When you show compassion, you make it clear that it is NOT ACCEPTABLE to cause others pain, because all of your focus is on relieving the pain and reconnecting with the one who is hurt.

I guess I cannot stress enough how strongly I feel about this point, because it seems that in our current society we have lost the skill of being able to comfort one another effectively. When we see someone who is hurt, the tendancy is to back away because you don't want to do or say the "wrong thing". It is so imperative that we teach our children from the beginning how to respond to someone who is hurting, because this is one of the most basic things that they will take with them throughout their lives and it will (or should be) a major motivating factor. The Bible says that Jesus was moved with COMPASSION for the people, and that is WHY he did all those wonderful miracles. Apparently compassion was a higher priority to him than "justice". :)

Ooops.... didn't mean to get off on a tangent. :blush

Stephanie
mom to 4 boys and a princess!

[booboo]

Thanks so much everybody! Sometimes I can't tell what's "normal" play and what's destructive..like with toys. I'm taking the advice here about being kind to "Pat the Bunny" when he gets "hurt." Funny thing is, sometimes I actually get into believing this! :lol My kids laugh when I cuddle him and say, "aww, poor bunny," etc. Okay I'm the type that can't part with a stuffed animal or doll because I get to thinking it will get lonely. When we moved into our house, I kept thinking they were gonna suffocate in those boxes! :laughtears

Stephanie, your post was fine! Thank you! :tu