naysayers, how do you handle them?

[littlehoney]

I am sooo tired of naysayers. I get all the same comments like "so how do your kids get socialized?" or "what if your kids would rather go to school?". Then there's always, "oh you're amazing, I could never get my own child to listen to me and do their schoolwork!". I am sure some of you have heard these comments and more. How do you handle them? I usually keep my cool and point out the positives and i tell them that i love to be with my kids, 6 hours away from me everyday is too long, IMO. But, there is always this attitude it seems that i am hurting my children somehow by homeschooling or that i deprive them of a fabulous social life (not to mention ALL the skills they will need IRL). :shifty And, it bugs me that i always feel like i have to defend my position. :td

[Joanne]

Offer them some bean dip for homeschoolers:

http://happyhomeschooler.blog-city.com/read/212600.htm

Also, about socialization, I used to offer a list of activities. I realized along the way, though, that I was trying to make my homeschooling life seem like the life of a school attender. I've stopped doing that. I don't need to justify my homeschool choice by making it seem "just like" public school.

[ChristineG]

Though I find naysayers less common than those who feel the need to justify to me why they are not homeschooling ("Really, it's okay...I understand..." :eek), to the socialization question, I always ask them what they mean by socialization. If it is simply a matter of when the kids get together with other kids, that is easy. I tell them about a few of our activities and add that our local hs support group offers so many things that if we did them all, we'd never get any schoolwork done! :) If they are truly asking about socialization, meaning, how will our children learn to form relationships with other people, I say, "We believe that children are far better off socialized by their families than their peers. How many good social skills do you think 6 year olds learn from other 6 year olds?" Anyone that I have said this to has no choice but to agree with me. ;)

[ArmsOfLove]

Like Joanne I've realized I don't need to justify or explain to anyone :shrug I'd probably say something like, "I'm just one amazing woman" :) ;) :shifty

[Heather Micaela]

I would say that in school you get in trouble for socializing! (talking out of turn passing notes, etc)

And recess isn't much better. My mom teaches kdgn and the principal put this sign on every classroom door that says "no running, no tag"!!!!!! :wb :eek :shrug

Real life skills? You don't need to learnto stand in line at school, you can learn that at disneyland or the bank. Sitting up staight and not speaking till spoken to? Church can teach that, besides in abusiness they like innovative thinkers and go getters. And how many times as an adult in real life do you need to raise your hand to use the restroom - even in college you just quitly excuse yourself.

As for the "what if they'd rather go to regular school?" I would answer "if they ask we will pray about it." Maybe your prayer would be how to keep them content in Homeschool, but your naysayer soesn't need to know that.

My SARCASTIC remark would be "what if YOUR kid wanted to be homeschooled?" Boy I would have LOVED that option.

[ChristineG]

Real life skills? You don't need to learnto stand in line at school, you can learn that at disneyland or the bank.


This makes me laugh because a big group of us from our hs group took our kids to the local pioneer-type village where they ran a tour for us. They needed to take us in several groups and asked us to split into 4 groups. That went okay, but then they asked each group to form a line. The kids were hilarious!! I swear to you, they didn't know how to form lines! :laughtears An excellent lesson in life-skills was learned that day -- Homeschool 101 - How to form lines.

Also, one of our hs moms, who used to teach Phys Ed in ps, ran a Phys Ed class for us and the kids had a hard time understanding the concept of teams. She split them into several teams for one game and the kids didn't seem to get that they couldn't just switch teams mid-game to be with a friend. :) Another excellent learning opportunity. :)

Now, as far as whether or not this constitutes social skills...absolutely not. Social skills are the skills necessary to form relationships and our homeschooled children are leaps and bounds ahead, in general, than their schooled peers. :heart Now, I must go to intervene in a sibling fight. ;)

[Vipers_Princess]

Also, about socialization, I used to offer a list of activities. I realized along the way, though, that I was trying to make my homeschooling life seem like the life of a school attender. I've stopped doing that. I don't need to justify my homeschool choice by making it seem "just like" public school.


Thank you! That is just what I needed to hear today..

[hearttender4]

:hug Those kind of comments always bug me too. :rolleyes It's funny how people think when you're homeschooling it means they can pry into your life more than they would if you were making any other choice. For what it's worth, the comments have really slowed down as my kids have gotten older. I guess people realize that I must have thought all those things through by now.

[lotsomama]

I confess I got really snotty once when SIL was attacking hs at a family event in a restaurant. Her ps kids were running in and out of the place and litterally climbing the walls outside while screaming and running into the wait staff when she asked me about socialization. I told her she might want to ask again when her children learned appropriate behavior in a social setting. She was a little upset, but I think she may have gotten the point. At least she hasn't tried to critisize my parenting since then.

[Mother of Sons]

nt

[lenswyf]

"When he's 18 and the process is done, if you are right in your dire predictions, I hereby grant you permission to say 'I told you so'."

I guess my biggest naysayer is my mom, and she's pretty mild about it. Dd is 18 and I've done a lot of things over the years that were going to have horrible consequences. I guess seeing that her predictions didn't come true has made her a little more willing to grant me room to go against the flow.

[AttachedMamma]

I agree that it's best to "bean dip" naysayers. People who are truly interested, will let you know and you can share with them. Most are just challenging your decision and/or they are feeling a tad insecure deep down inside (asking themselves: did I miss the boat on this? who are these people I keep meeting who homeschool?)

Our DD turns 5 next fall and so now I have people asking about her going to kindergarten. I can handle the naysayers by myself...I've had a lot of that, being AP and crunchy. :rolleyes What I am having some fears about are the people who may say something in front of DD and make her feel "odd" or "weird" b/c she's not going to a formal school. I don't want people making a scene in front of her. For now when people say something in front of DD (they usually ask her directly), I allow her to respond. If they ask me while she's present, I've been saying that she misses the cut off and we're exploring all of our options. :blush I just don't want to deal with them "freaking out" in front of my DD. Plus, I figure by saying "we're exploring all our options" I'm kind of planting the idea that we may do something "different".

I expect that we'll be dealing with this a lot once she's officially school age, so I'm working on this issue. I just hate the idea that people may say, "What?! You're not going to kindergarten? You'll miss all the fun stuff with the other kids. Who will you play with? Won't you be lonely?" I have a feeling I'll be walking away from conversations a lot.

Anyone have ideas about handling remarks such as those that are said to your children while you're present?

cindi

[Leslie]

:hug Those kind of comments always bug me too. :rolleyes It's funny how people think when you're homeschooling it means they can pry into your life more than they would if you were making any other choice.


I guess where education is concerned, people feel a kind of societal responsibility. Education is a community issue, for the common good, or whatever. I think some naysayers won't be convinced until they see the end result, that our kids are fine and can function just fine in the world.

[littlehoney]

Anyone have ideas about handling remarks such as those that are said to your children while you're present?

cindi


I ran into this alot before Kindergarten, even checkers in the store would look right at my 5 year old and ask where she goes to school! Are ya kidding?! Isn't that kinda personal anyway?! I usually answer for my kids until they get the hang of the standard response "oh, we are homeschoolers, thank you for asking!"

[littlehoney]

I guess where education is concerned, people feel a kind of societal responsibility. Education is a community issue, for the common good, or whatever. I think some naysayers won't be convinced until they see the end result, that our kids are fine and can function just fine in the world.


Yes, and the things that really bugs me about this is, isn't there enough pressure on us as parents already!? Now we also have to feel obligated to other parents out there that may feel as though we are raising idiots :wow It would be like me saying "oh, I heard that most of the kids at your school are bullies, or illiterate!? :banghead