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View Full Version : What would you say to this mom?


Radosny Matka
04-12-2005, 07:51 PM
Oh gosh, my heart is breaking for her little boy. :( What should I say to her?

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What do you do with your kids when you make something you know they don't like? Do you force them to try it again or make something different for them?

Last week I made pork chops. I know they are not E's favorite, but our rule is that you eat 2 bites and then tell me you don't like it. He chewed those 2 bites for 10 minutes, and only swallowed them because we threatened him with taking away his hot wheels. I was torn to make him eat the pork, skip the pork chops and eat the other stuff on his plate, or make him pb&j so that he at least ate something for dinner.

I don't want to foster his picky eating habits, but I can't have another episode like that dinner. It was so stressful for all of us. Help!

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Any ideas? :cry

Quietspirit
04-12-2005, 08:09 PM
I would ask her, gently, to examine why it is important to her that he eat what he does not like. I would gently remind her that she cannot, ultimately, force him to eat. She can prepare food that is healthy, nutritious and include something that she knows he will eat on the menu. If he was eating everything else well, I wouldn't bother with forcing him to eat. That's an eating disorder in the making. It's also setting her and her child up for a rebellious relationship where she will ultimately lose.

In my home, our children take a "no thank you" bite *of new foods they have not tried* and then can eat what they like that is on the dinner plate. They may have more of what they like at any time. (For example, my one son *had not ever tried* corn. So he ate one bite and then ate his broccoli, potatoes, roll. He asked for another roll and received one. We don't threaten, we don't demand. We just expect with positive firm authority that he will take a bite. Also, if it is something that I know my child does not like, I simply don't require them to eat it. I HATE brussel sprouts and would gag if someone made me eat them.

I think she set her child up to fail and then betrayed his trust by forcing him to eat something he truly dislikes. It's not a "he's a picky eater and needs to learn to eat more healthfully" situation. It's a "my child doesn't like this one food and I am going to force him to eat it and like it or else". That's horrible, in my not so humble opinion. Probably, that could be said more gently! :rolleyes

There are many things to make a stand on. Pork isn't one of them, in my opinion. :rolleyes


*edited because I made no sense. I clarified in a post below and then in this post between the (*'s). Hope that clears things up... :O

sadie
04-12-2005, 09:03 PM
ITA with Quietspirit. Everybody has foods they particularly dislike. Her son is entitled to his preferences. As long as everything offered to him is healthy and nutritious, I see no reason to make a battle out of it.

Irene
04-12-2005, 09:26 PM
my home, our children take a "no thank you" bite and then can eat what they like that is on the dinner plate. They may have more of what they like at any time. (For example, my one son does not like corn. So he ate one bite and then ate his broccoli, potatoes, roll. He asked for another roll and received one. We don't threaten, we don't demand. We just expect with positive firm authority that he will take a bite. Also, if it is something that I know my child does not like, I simply don't require them to eat it. I HATE brussel sprouts and would gag if someone made me eat them

quietspirit can you expound on this a bit? i really struggle with food issues and would like more clarification. ;) you said your son doesnt like corn, but he still needs to take at least one bite, but then you said you dont require them to eat it if they dont like it. Does that mean at all, or they still need to take one bite even if you know he doesnt like it? like would you take one bite of brussell sprouts?
I never know what to do in these situations either. food is such a tough issue at our house :/

Radosny Matka
04-13-2005, 06:09 AM
That's horrible, in my not so humble opinion.



My thoughts exactly. This has been bothering me since last night.

Radosny Matka
04-13-2005, 06:13 AM
This isn't this mom's first time posting about her "food issues" (gee, I wonder why he has them :rolleyes). The other ladies more or less posted about offering choices, and most mom's said they don't force the food issue. This is what I told her:

Honestly, K, I think that forcing him to eat something like that is probably going to set him up for even more pickiness and food issues. I probably would have said, "Thanks for trying the pork, buddy. It's always good to try new foods. I looks like you are having a hard time swallowing. Go ahead and spit it out into this napkin."

I hope it's enough to at least make her think, but not enough to insult her. I know that if I go to harsh, everyone will get upset with me. :rolleyes

Quietspirit
04-13-2005, 07:34 AM
:O

Irene,

I re-read my post last night and it was totally confusing wasn't it? I've got 3 out of 4 children down with the stomach flu (started last night) so I'll just plead exhaustion! :lol :O

Here's what I meant by the "no thank you" bite. If it is a NEW food, then my children are encouraged (not forced) to take a "no thank you" bite. If it is a food they dislike (meaning they've tried it before, I know they don't like it, etc etc), I do not require them to eat it.

Does that make more sense? Sorry for the confusion...

MarynMunchkins
04-13-2005, 08:17 AM
You can't win battles with food. :shrug Even getting them to swallow it doesn't mean it will always stay down. ;)

My kids have to taste the food. They usually swallow it, but if they're having a particularly hard time with it, I let them spit it out. I make sure every meal has at least one thing I know they like to eat. And fresh veggies and fruit are always an option if they don't like dinner.

Irene
04-13-2005, 08:29 AM
yeah thanks Quietspirit! that makes more sense!

Mary, I do the same thing with fruit and veggies... she can always have more of that :D

mama2grace
04-13-2005, 08:42 AM
I was a picky eater growing up. My parents say I lived on mashed potatoes, grilled cheese, and Campbell's abc soup for awhile. :yum The rule was I had to at least take one bite of something new before I could say I didn't like it. If I didn't like it then I did not have to eat it. I think this rule is fair, and this is what we do with our dd.

And I'm not such a picky eater anymore. I even like things I once hated. :)

Dizzy Blond
04-13-2005, 05:56 PM
I would ask her how she would like to be treated when she is at someone else's house & really hates something that is served. Would she expect herself to just eat it, or would she skip that item?

I have a list of things I hate (brussel sprouts, cauliflower, green beans, porridge ....), but there are plenty of things I do like. I certainly don't prepare anything for my family that I would personally gag on. And if I'm at someone else's home, I would eat what I wanted and not put something on my plate I dislike.

I think asking dc to "try it again" is ok, because they may have changed their minds. But expecting them to finish it ... how would they like to be treated comes to mind.

chelsea
04-13-2005, 06:17 PM
Growing up, I was always told I must eat everything on my plate. To this day, I have a problem with overeating and even if something tastes awful and is not healthy for me I have this guilt complex that says "EAT IT ALL!!" :cookie :cookie :cookie Let's just say, no child of mine will ever be "force-fed"!

SandKsmama
04-13-2005, 08:06 PM
In my house, I try to make eating and food as much of a "non-issue" as possible, but at the same time, I can not and will not cook a different meal for everyone either. I have a pretty set menu for breakfast and lunch, and nearly everything on those menus is *very* kid-friendly and stuff my children like. For dinner, I make what I want to make:-), and right now that means that my 8 year old eats every single night and loves it, my 4 year old takes his one bite and that's it, thanks mom, and the 1 year old? I still feed her something earlier than everyone else b/c she is *starving* by 5 and ready for bed by 7, so she's on a little bit different schedule than everyone else right now.

Anyway, all that to say - we try to make it as matter of fact as possible. If you eat, great. If you don't eat, that's okay too, but mom isn't making a special dinner either. We don't make a big deal about it, that's just the way it is in our house.

Growing up, I experienced that whole "clean your plate" mentality, and got punished sometimes for not eating. I was not and am not a picky eater, but I did deal with an eating disorder in high school, so I really want to avoid having food be a "big deal" in our house.

Amanda