Soap in a 2 1/2 year old's mouth?

[Desert Rose]

:eek

My cousin just told me her daughter has been saying "b*tch" and they have been soaping her mouth in response. I told her I didn't agree with that and that she just needed to continuously explain why saying that word is not accepted. I asked her where her dd learned the word and she said she didn't know. But then she admitted that sometimes when someone pulls out in front of her she'll say " b*tch!" :rolleyes I asked her if she soaped her own mouth! I also told her that IMO, her dd didn't really have the cognitive abilities to understand why not to use that word and to fully understand the consequences.
I watched her 2 oldest toddlers today and the one in question said stupid and shut-up a few times, but no cussing.
What should I tell my cousin?
:think

[snlmama]

I'm not sure what I would tell your cousin.
I can tell you that 2 1/2 year olds rarely go around saying curse words unless they are hearing them somewhere AND that most will only keep saying it if they are hearing it often and think it must be "cool" or "grown up" to say it OR they are doing it for effect.
When my kids say a word I don't like I ask if they know what it means and if they say No then I tell them maybe they shouldn't be saying words they don't know the meaning of. Words that just bug me I tell them "That's not a nice word, we don't say that in our family." But, if your cousin is sayign it she can't say that until she cleans up her own mouth. :shrug
The only actual curse word we had trouble with was my ds heard me say cr@p :blush when he was about 1 1/2 and he copied me a few times. I acted like I thought he said "cup" and got him one. :blush ;) That put an end to it pretty quick and I have been careful w/ my language around them ever since.

[ArmsOfLove]

I'd encourage her to make certain words off limits for the family and hold herself to the standard first. And teach before correcting.

[Close2MyHeart]

I agree that 2 yos don't go around saying those words w/out hearing them somewhere and probably more than once! My DS's think that 'stupid' and 'shut up' are "naughty words" and when they hear them they say "oh, that's not nice" ... I wouldnt soap their mouths for saying it, just teach them that it's not okay.

I hope that you can think of something to say to your cousin w/out offending her. That's always my fear... offending people. :rolleyes

[Allison]

I think you did well! If she can't stop saying it, she can't expect her child to not say it. If I say something that's not nice and my three year old repeats it, I don't get upset with him. I acknowledge that he learned it from me, explain why it wasn't good for either me or him to say it and think of something we can both say instead when the situation arises again. (And this isn't just for cursing or saying shutup. It's for anything said that isn't good)

[MarynMunchkins]

Well, I swear. And my children have been known to swear. :neutral

And I kindly remind them that those are adult words and not for children to use. Than I try to curb my language when they're around. It took over a year before they could consistently remember *not* to use those words, but they don't anymore. When they used them in front of other adults, I reminded them of the rules and apologized to the adult for them. It's not fair to punish a child for teaching them how to use an inappropriate word in the first place. :rolleyes They learn language from us. :)

I tried soap in the mouth once, and I got told, "That tastes like $*%&." :lol

[This Busy Mom]

hold herself to the standard first.

Ouch!! How true. I used to cuss like a sailor :shifty :O . When my oldest was about 4, he started really picking it up. I knew he was learning it from me, so... I ignored it (especially if I couldn't hold myself to the rules of "we don't use those words") . Guess what? He quit using them. Then, as time went on, the kids started pointing out my words to me. They held me accountable to what I was saying, and eventually (and it was the hardest thing I let go of... I quit drinking & quit smoking about 9 years ago, and still the language clean up was the hardest).

Anyways, the kids language isn't going to clean up if their mom's isn't. You can tell them "in our house, we don't use those words"... if they ask why, I'd let them know why (lol, anymore I tell my kids if it's not edifying anyone, then we shouldn't be saying it but I don't think a toddler is going to understand that :P ) and they'll get the hang of that.

Soaping her mouth isn't going to do anything except make her not use the words around her mom :( .

[ArmsOfLove]

I tried soap in the mouth once, and I got told, "That tastes like $*%&." :laughtears Sorry, but that made me crack up this morning :laughtears

[greenemama]

I tried soap in the mouth once, and I got told, "That tastes like $*%&." laughing

:laughtears

i don't know why, but that's hilarious!

[erinee]

I tried soap in the mouth once, and I got told, "That tastes like $*%&."
:roll

So I take it that remedy didn't work for you?
:laughtears

[Allison]

Hee! That is hilarious!

[Desert Rose]

I tried soap in the mouth once, and I got told, "That tastes like $*%&."
:lol
Oops!
:lol



BTW, thanks everyone for the advice! I hope she listened to what I did tell her. She's a tough nut to crack! :shrug

[Dizzy Blond]

I think you said it right on!! Soap her own mouth ... not dd's.

I'll have to soap dh's mouth when dd starts to swear. ;)

[gracefuljourney]

This reminds me of my youngest child, who is now five years old. When he was about three, he picked up the habit of saying "d*mn it." I knew exactly where he had heard this from . . . me! I had been know to let that one fly once and awhile, ok often enough that he started modeling it. He would use the phrase very appropriately . . . whenever he was angry or frustrated. Other than keeping myself in check, I wasn't sure what to do about it. It seemed that prompting him not to say just caused him to say it more.

The kicker came the day that he was at the computer playing Zoombinis and I heard him mumbling. I stepped up and observed him for a few moments. He was at a point in the game where he was supposed to chase these bunnies across the field and the bunnies were not cooperating with his efforts . . . he was saying, "D*mn bunnies, YOU d*mn bunnies" It was so funny! But I just walked up behind him and asked if he needed some help and he said, "yes, please" It was then that I had the realization that I just needed to use distraction during these moments. Distraction coupled with my cleaning up my mouth led to a curse free young man in a matter of months . . . totally painless!