Help with 2.5 y/o hitting

[The Tickle Momster]

How do I redirect/stop my 2.5 y/o ds from hitting everyone? His favorite target is his 3.5 sister. When he hits me I hold his hand and remind him to use gentle touches & try not to react too much. DD is too young to understand the don't react part. She is getting better about saying "gentle touches TJ". My dh is about to go nuts since TJ has gotten so agressive. It is more than hitting. It includes swinging things around, throwing things, etc. I know most of it is age appropriate & we are expecting our 3rd child any day. We would like some tools to deal effectively with him. Any ideas would be great. Thanks!


(This was posted in LE as well.)

[Blessed2bHsing]

Hi Michelle. I don't know you or your 2.5 y/o, so I can only suggest something I read in a book. You could try and talk to him and tell him hitting hurts people. Then tape a sign to your dd that reads "sisters are for hugging, not hitting." Read this sign to him and let him watch you tape it on the back or front of her shirt. You could also make more signs, read them to him and then tape them up at his eye level, telling him they are reminders that hitting, swinging objects, etc. can hurt somebody.

Also, give him lots of hugs and gentle gestures. (not saying that you don't do that already. ) And another idea that comes to mind is his TV viewing. My dd was watching a video that DH got from the library. It was rated G, however, there was a hateful mean man on that video -- the villan. Believe it or not, *I* started sounding like this hateful man ! Evil is a spirit too. That video went back to the library ! And I had some apologizing and repenting to do. :blush

Hope this helps.

Melissa

[ArmsOfLove]

Are you and/or dh comfortable with aggression at all? Is the problem the aggression or the fact that it's being directed at people? I've found that if there is a general discomfort with aggression the more parents try to get a child to not be aggressive, the more aggressive they become. What *is* he allowed to hit?

Also, when does he hit? Is it all the time? When he's upset? If there are emotional triggers then reflecting feelings will often help a lot! And generally aggressive children need more supervision, learning baby signs can help them communicate better, and the more verbal they become the calmer they usually get :)

[The Tickle Momster]

DS is very verbal, so we may be overestimating his understanding. I think the issue is more that the aggression is directed toward people, especially his sister. (& especially with baby on the way) Maybe he needs a punching bag? Would having time to hit the couch or some pilllows be appropriate? I haven't really noticed a pattern to when he hits. It has been completely random, or if dd won't let him have/do what he wants. I'm still learning to reflect feelings accurately & consistently. It does escalate if we tell him to stop. Guess I really need a concrete, consistent, acceptible redirect. Any ideas? Thanks.

[ArmsOfLove]

It sounds corny but "Use your words" is a great phrase :)

Punching bags or boppies are great for kids who are hitters. Hitting couches or bed mattresses or pillows are great. If you have a hitting pillow you can say, "Hit the pillow, not people" and pull it out any time he starts hitting.

I think one of the confusing things about verbal children is that when they are really young they can't always express themselves even though they know lots of words. It's like when they say, "I can't" and people think it means they aren't capable but they might be emotionally unable or needing help and don't know how to express that.

One rule I have in my home is if you get me to help you I will protect your toys, help you get a turn, remind you to use your words and what words to use, take care of you. If you hurt someone you lose what you were trying to get. When they are really young then they may get it back when they calm down and normalcy is restored, but as they get older it's just put away for the day. It's important to me to teach them that is not how we get what we want.

how does your dd respond? does it seem to bother her?

[The Tickle Momster]

Will definitely assign a hitting pillow or couch cushion. DD handles it well in that she uses her words or starts crying. She very rarely hits back, although she is very easy going. Thanks for the ideas.

[Joanne]

Other thoughts, from the proactive side of discipline.

His age is an age where imposed structure and predictability is a must for many kids. It helps them feel competent, masterful and appropriately powerful. This is important so that kids don't look for power inappropriately.

Aggressive kids are often sensory seekers, so another way to take the edge off is to introduce lots of sensory play.