Ok, this is going to sound dumb

[Chris3jam]

OK, so I've been really picking up a lot here! :D You would think I should know what to do by now!

Now, I have another problem. Let me outline it in a specific problem (or two).

I have a condition which makes it VERY hard for me to move much. Now, when I call for the kids to come downstairs, and they don't listen, what do I do? I used to just go upstairs and get them. That option is fading. Also, my 3 yo dd just flat ignores me. She'll be standing there, and I'll ask her to come here, and she will usually turn around and run away. I cannot run after her. She also doesn't answer me when I call to see where she is (I like to at least know where they are in the house, and what they're doing). And a lot of times, my kids will just turn around and do what they want to anyway, no matter what I say. I'll tell them that they cannot go outside, because we must get _________ done first. Then, they may. Well, they just end up outside, and ________ doesn't get done. And they used to not have a problem at all about helping around the house, they never really questioned it, but now, when I need it most, it's like pulling teeth. There must first be whining, stomping, throwing oneself on the floor and writhing (like under some horrible torture), and complaining. And then it takes forever to get done.

It's getting so bad, that dh's normal form of communication with them now is yelling. I hate that (and I hate it when I yell!)! They also have an annoying habit of walking away while you're still talking to them, or interrupting. I try to keep eye contact and keep a physical hold on them to thwart that (when they are close enough).

What am I doing wrong?

[milkmommy]

:hug :think How old are your children again? Id suggest working on having a pretty orgainized schedule :eek (yes I said it) maybe make a chart of daily things that need to be done and who will do them, and when they need to be done. I'd talk to each child and allow them to have a say on whats they do (being reasonable) you'll have to give them some freedom and trust but it might help organize the family as a team.
How are they "going outside" is it because they're just ingnoring you or because you end up giving in?
I'd try to focus on teaching the family to work as a team, that al members are important and needed to make things work. It sounds like they ,might not be sure how they fit into the family as a team member.. :shrug

Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

:hug when I was on bedrest it was very hard to parent well :( sometimes I had to just get up and make it happen even if I didn't feel well or it was difficult.

how old are your kids again? That will help me answer :)

[Chris3jam]

I have a 7 yo ds, an 8 yo ds, and 3 yo dd. It's just getting very difficult. I can barely make my legs move, and sometimes not at all (this is an MS exacerbation -- *heavy sigh*). It almost seems like they are taking advantage of it. :(

How are they "going outside" is it because they're just ingnoring you or because you end up giving in?

They wait until I'm out of the room or something, and just go, or they just keep going, walking away from me, ignoring me.

[ArmsOfLove]

Have you sat and talked to them about what is happening with you? Have they had help sorting through their feelings? Have you given then specific expectations based on things changing in your health?

[Chris3jam]

Have you sat and talked to them about what is happening with you? Have they had help sorting through their feelings? Have you given then specific expectations based on things changing in your health?

Yes, in age appropriate ways and briefly (I thought). I don't want to scare them. Actually, my 8 yo shows flashes of wonderful behaviour. But, it's far and few between. They are all joined at the hip most times, and they feed off each other. If I ever get them separate, they are much better (especially the 8 yo). I just can't keep them apart! I really, really love their closeness, but sometimes it just doesn't work for good, ya know? I don't want to discourage the closeness. To me, it's a wonderful thing (my parents pitted us against each other -- "divide and conquer" sort of thing, and I just can't face doing that).

[ArmsOfLove]

I found that when my kids would get like this I needed to talk to them more about their feelings. dealing with feelings is a process and revisiting it helps them to keep processing it. As they get the first level they learn more and feel differently :hug It sounds to me like their behavior is asking, "How can you keep us safe if you can't move?" Once you let them know--or include them in making a plan--they will feel safer and test the boundaries less.

[Chris3jam]

It sounds to me like their behavior is asking, "How can you keep us safe if you can't move?" Once you let them know--or include them in making a plan--they will feel safer and test the boundaries less.

That was exactly my thinking. And that, quite frankly, is one of my worst unspoken fears. How can I care for/protect them in this state? I've been going over some of "Protect the Gift" with the boys, trying to explain things in age appropriate ways. We just haven't been out enough to "practice", though. I don't feel comfortable in a public place with them, without another adult around. Also, I don't trust myself to drive, unless I have to, and then I have to choose the right time, and be very careful. This is just so. . . .so. . . . so inconvenient. Sigh.

[ArmsOfLove]

(((((((hugs))))))) I found it very helpful to talk openly with my children. I stated my frustrations and enlisted their help; I gave them specific responsibilities and praised their efforts; I really had to focus on the team aspect of life.

[Irene]

:hugs :rose

[mrsramjet]

just wanted to offer you some huge hugs. my sister has ms also and has 3 young kids (aged 10, 8 and 5). she is fairly dobson-ish and for the record that isn't helping.
when she is struggling physically her kids do seem to get louder and less compliant too. she even asked me advice one day *shock* but got angry with me for 'making her feel bad about smacking'. she thinks often that their behaviour proves that kids want to manipulate and that as soon as you turn your back, blah blah blah.
i am not wanting to sound unsympathetic to her. it breaks my heart. she adores her children and is just burnt out.
I just wanted to explain that if you were to be more punitive it probably wouldn't be helping ( if that was lurking in the back of your mind).

anyway, more *BIG HUGS*. you're a legend of a mum. i'm sure crystal and joanne's advice will help you all a lot.

[Lois]

Have your kids pray for you...it may make them more sympathedic...like the verse that says pray for your enemies...not like you are their enemy but it is hard to not like(or not help) someone that you are praying for....also a little side note Jesus is Jehova Rapha (Healer)...I you want some prayer pm me :hearts