Advice for co-sleeping when an extra bubba comes along?

[ally]

:)
Hi all, well I have an almost 2yr old in a queen size bed with me, he nightnurses a couple of times a night but has 4 -5 hrs of sleeping in between, hubby is in a double bed next to ours (he got sick of night time acrobats from ds!) This arrangement suits us all at the moment... However bubba number 2 is due in sept, and though i would like to think ds would be night weaned by then ( he will be 2.5mths) and can join dadda in his bed, that might not happen...any advice on sleeping with new born in this situation? anyone experienced it? Tandom nursing through the night??!?!? That would be an Experience!
:cool
ally

[luvinmykidz]

We are in the same situation right now. We have a king size bed and we have a double bed beside it in our room which suits us fine too. Daddy almost always moves to the double bed because my 2.5 year old is such an acrobat!! Isabelle is Due to arrive in July and I was worried about him kicking her or harming her in her sleep. We just bought a graco pack n play with a bassinette. I plan to keep the play pen right beside me beside the king size bed so that she is safe but still right beside mommy :)

[nutmeggmama]

i personally did not do well the first time nursing 2 at night. (My answer will be colored by this!!!) Both wanted to nurse alllllll night and screamed when i was switching sides or nurslings. i eventually was able to nurse both of them at the same time with extra pillows and when my breasts developed a few extra stretch marks. I needed to be able to get 2 hours of consecutive sleep twice in a night to function and not be psychotic. (i was not getting that bare minimum and was not functioning well :( ) I was one miserable mama who thought I could "do it all" including let both my kids nurse all night.

This time, Selah was 2 3/4 when jonas arrived, as opposed to noah being 17.5 mo. I start her out in her toddler bed, and she gets in with us and has a nip to settle back down between 1 and 6...closer to 6 am, and we all go back to sleep. the temperments of your child will have a lot to do with it. jonas is an easy sleeper. he only nurses once or twice, sometimes not at all and he's right next to me.

I think my advice would be to begin starting him out in daddy's bed...with you nursing him down as usual? or however he is used to going to bed. Then, heck, maybe when bubba #1 is asleep, daddy can snuggle with you again :P and if dad is willing he could try a few nights of soothing him back to sleep, if you are sure you want to night wean. Talk about it to him at a neutral time, that nursins' etc, are going night night and will be sleeping till the sun comes up etc etc...be armed with a glass of water and a straw, or sippy cup. My personal opinion is that for some people night weaning is a necessity, and it is understandable that some crying may be involved. This is different than CIO because you are there to comfort the child in any appropriate way, other than at the breast.
I have also had to play possum and roll onto my tummy and let toddler crawl around a bit until they give up and fall asleep...sometimes on the funniest places (like my behind :laughtears ) I let toddler whine a little and fuss, but if they start getting obviously upset and waking more and more up, I rethink where we are on the learning curve. One night nursing won't ruin anything, but sometimes I remember feeling so "gung ho" about night weaning, that I was strong enough to let him let out all his big feeling about not getting his nursin' (This is my experience with Noah, who is now fully weaned...I weaned him at 3 yrs, 2 days, cold turkey.
In our family, newborn gets first dibbs on mama, so that means in bed with me and daddy. As far as the toddler goes, I would start keeping him a little less accessible to you at night. (if you are okay with that) Some kids realise that the effort of getting out of bed to get to mama isn't worth it. Noah now looks for daddy at night instead of me, because he's used to him meeting his nighttime needs. I think its really really cute. And I love the freedom I have of not having to be everything to everyone.
This is a time where balance needs to be very important. You need to have some minimal sleep needs met, as does daddy. The toddlers needs/wants need to be addressed and validated. I would suggest beginning this routine, should you chose to use it, asap, because it would be worse to throw him for a loop when new baby comes and along with the upheaval of a new sibling, mama's milk bar is closed for the night!? Everyone needs to sleep where everyone sleeps best, but that goes for the grown ups as well as the kids. :tu
:shrug I don't know if this is the advice you are looking for, but it is what has been our experience :heart

[Katherine]

NutmegMamma,

Thanks for your post.. We are expecting #3 (I think :shifty) and I am currently co-sleeping with 2 and nursing one whenever he wakes up during the night. I go back and forth between feeling anxious and pressured to start changing things NOW, and the feeling that we have plenty of time... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it... I shouldn't push ds2 away from nursing too early... they might change on their own by the time baby #3 comes, etc. (You all will probably hear more questions from me in the coming months on this topic) :mrgreen

I was Sooooo worried about how to handle things with my 2nd son, and it just worked out so easily and naturally. However, my 1st son had already weaned, so nursing wasn't an issue. Ds1 just had to get used to sleeping against my back instead of on my stomach with arms and legs wrapped around me. :lol

Ally--I hope we can both figure it out! :hug My 19-month old is NOT ready to wean yet, although he recently has (finally) started detaching on his own and rolling over to go back to sleep, which I thought would NEVER happen. :D I'm pondering the same questions as you regarding nursing 2 at night.... :eek :think

[ally]

Thanks for the advice amd support :hearts
DS has been feeding less the last week or so, and eating alot :tu When he has his morning 'booby' I can say "Do you want some yum yums?" and he jumps off bed and heads for kitchen for breaky! I am hoping this will become more common and we will have a natural weaning taking place.??!?! I have also started to shhh shhh him to sleep when he wakes up in the middle of the night, which sometimes works :shifty

Have to talk to dadda about night settling as he is very supportive etc but isnt the best at night....he does have to get up to work. and I am not super keen for tears at night...i sleep better feeding. I have acknowledged that I probably wont get a decent nights sleep for at least 10 yrs so try not to think about it too much...just try to eat well, and take my vitamins :eek

anyway i will be praying that it all findsa natural path and will keep up to date with you all ;)
ally

[phathui5]

I co-slept and tandem nursed with ds and dd. I had one on one side and one on the other and would just roll (without even completely waking up). By the time I had dd, ds was only nursing once or twice at night so it wasn't a big deal to me to nurse them both.

[ally]

yeah i think that is what will happen with me, as he is older his night nursing wont be too frequent, if at all. I guess you made sure they werent sleeping on same side? ive been told not to let a toddler sleep next to bubs.' :)

[ArmsOfLove]

My toddlers have almost always been gentle sleeping next to babies--not older kids :lol but the babies yes :) Aidan tends to roll into the babies if he's next to them, but everything's been fine so far (although on that side the baby sleeps on my arm).

I think I'm a little confused what you're wanting to know--I just had baby on one side of me and toddler on the other. Dh does do all of the nighttime parenting besides nursing so he would cuddle the toddler and help them sleep better or take care of them while I was getting people set up to nurse.

I guess my big counsel in these situations is always that what you worry about will probably not be the problem you have and the problems you do have will work themselves out in the moment :) I've given up trying to prepare for what might happen with new ones joining us ;)

[Katherine]

I've given up trying to prepare for what might happen with new ones joining us

I thought I had learned this lesson, too, between ds1 and ds2. Now, I'm tempted to start worrying again. Fortunately (or UNfortunately) I'm too miserably sick right now to give much energy to it... :sick *sigh* ah, well.. it only lasts a few months.

If it's a boy, are you going to call him "bubs"? :cool :mrgreen It's a cute nick name. :)