Meeting with pastor...

[haak]

Hi Everyone-
I just got signed up on the new board, I used to post before a little. Anyway my husband and I are meeting with our pastor this week. We have some major concerns. One, he preaches about spanking from the pulpit quite frequently. The sad thing is we have a huge church- around 2000 of mostly young inexperienced parents who worship him and his wife. So the parenting subculture is awful!! Everyone is into CIO, spanking, etc. etc. Some of them are so mean to their kids, no compassion. I was in a Bible study this summer and one mom admitted to spanking several times a day starting at 12 months. For things like putting his hands in his food! Many mom keep a spoon in every room of their house- not for eating with- :/ Another mom recently told me she spanked her 6 month old for crying and once spanked her 15 month old 12 times for getting out of bed. Enough to leave a bruise on her. She was not at all ashamed of this. She even said how another prominent family in the church approved and told her she was doing it right. And the associate pastor's wife told me all about her parenting approach. A training type program- a later found out it was Pearl. One example was she interrupts her child's play and puts him in his stroller in the kitchen. If he cries he gets spanked!! All this to say we are horrified. We love our church, very Biblical and we have lots of great friends who are nice to their kids. So do you think we should tell the pastor what is going on? I don't want to "tattle". I don't even know if he will care. We are praying about if she should stay or go. It is so hard to think of leaving but I get so sick of hearing all of this. Anyway sorry so long- just want some opininons. Thanks!

[MarynMunchkins]

I would approach your pastor. :) If he is willing to admit that the decision to spank is a choice that is guided by the Spirit, and not a Biblical mandate, I think you're in good shape. :tu However, if he tells you are sinning or being unBiblical by not spanking, I strongly advise you to consider leaving the church.

IMHO, a church that is extremely punitive against the most innocent of its members doesn't have a very good grasp on the gospel. :(

[Joanne]

Hi Everyone-
I just got signed up on the new board, I used to post before a little. Anyway my husband and I are meeting with our pastor this week. We have some major concerns. One, he preaches about spanking from the pulpit quite frequently. And the associate pastor's wife told me all about her parenting approach. A training type program- a later found out it was Pearl. One example was she interrupts her child's play and puts him in his stroller in the kitchen. If he cries he gets spanked!! All this to say we are horrified. We love our church, very Biblical and we have lots of great friends who are nice to their kids. So do you think we should tell the pastor what is going on? I don't want to "tattle". I don't even know if he will care. We are praying about if she should stay or go. It is so hard to think of leaving but I get so sick of hearing all of this. Anyway sorry so long- just want some opininons. Thanks!


I'd meet with him once, to tell him:

1) I'm leaving the church
2) I'm contacting authorities about the abuse that is condoned and encouraged and perpetrated

It's not normal, healthy or appropriate for a culture of fear and violence to be cultivated anywhere, particularly at a church. This church sounds absolutely toxic.

It's just plain cultish, icky and disturbing. This is not about "spanking". It's about a culture of abuse.

[BluegrassMama]

Im very sorry, but I agree with Joanne :( . I have been in your situation only it was Ezzo, not Pearl. My only regret is that we stayed too long trying to fix it. I wish we had the old archives, I could direct you to the saga...I was coming to GCM for support during that time.

IMO, if your pastor is preaching spanking frequently, and the AP's are TTUAC, you do not have a chance. Get out before your family is too greatly harmed (or influenced).

I'll be :pray for you! Hope I'm wrong. Our old church was a very friendly, seemingly-Biblical.... cult.

[DogwoodMama]

I agree with Joanne and Amy. How very sad for those children. :cry I am so sad when I hear about churches like this. :hug & :pray for you!!!

[Katherine]

One example was she interrupts her child's play and puts him in his stroller in the kitchen. If he cries he gets spanked!!

Their methods are just like boot camp, I swear. It's all about manipulation, messing with their heads, breaking down their spirit, squashing any sense of independence, and forcing utter submission and unflinching compliance through fear and mistreatment. Why don't they just move to dessert and make their kids run 50 miles a day with a 90-lb back pack, or eat sand off the blazing hot dessert floor for talking back. (better not suggest that.. some of them might try it) It makes me so :hissyfit

I don't think your prospects sound too good... why is he preaching spanking frequently from the pulpit? Is the Bible's truth so shallow and limited that he runs out of material and has to keep harping on and repeating the same old soapbox? More than likely, it's a strong personal belief for him, and a pet peeve. Perhaps I shouldn't jump to that assumption, but it's my experience of having grown up in an conservative Baptist environment where spanking was held to more rigidly than many of the *real* truths in God's Word. The preachers who seemed to be able to work spanking into every other sermon were the ones who had a personal agenda to promote it and (incidentally?) who were the most abusive to their own kids.

[Peepsqueak]

I would stay away from such a church...Remember David Koresh? He advocated the same mentality. Some of these "preachers" abuse the power they have. You know, sometimes the devil comes in high places...where you least expect. This man sounds like a sicko. And his wife...she is in trouble. :td

[ArmsOfLove]

We attended a church for awhile and liked the preaching of the Senior Pastor but there was something icky about the associate pastor. He preached one time and talked about how he grabbed some kid who shot into a convenience store while he was holding the door for his wife and daughters. He bragged and laughed about how he grabbed the kid by the collar and hauled him back out of the door and "put him in his place" :wow Some people walked out that day. When we found out the senior pastor was going on sabbatical and the assocaite pastor would be taking over we never went back.

[Hermana Linda]

However, if he tells you are sinning or being unBiblical by not spanking, I strongly advise you to consider leaving the church.

Yeah, :( That is what happened to us. We thought we had found a great church and this great AP family. But the great AP family turned out to be a Pearl Family. That was what led me to find this site and make the Anti-Pearl Website. When we spoke with the Pastor, we found out that he thought spanking was Biblically mandated and after that, he started bringing up discipline a lot from the pulpit. We found ourselves so uncomfortable there that we stopped going.

But it was for the best. My dh was finally led by the Lord back to our first church, where we are very happy. They are not exactly GBD, but they don't say that we have to spank. It's a Spanish Baptist church with a lot of Pentecostal influence. A very nice, small church. It helps a lot that my boys are 12 & 14 and they can see that not spanking them has done them no harm. :D

[grandmama]

I have to agree with the suggestion that you not stay in this church.

My experience is that when you see this sort of attitude in the church leaders toward their children, it will be manifest in their attitude toward you as a parent as well.

[Oliveshoots]

I agree with what many of these ladies have said. I would have to question the "Biblical"ness of this church if the pastor is preaching spanking. And more than once, at that.

Also, I must say that if my little guy is playing happily there is NO WAY IN HECK that I would go interrupt him to "teach him a lesson" about "forced obedience" which is what it is. Manipulation is a great word for it. Mind-games, crazy control issues with the parent. Like my dh says "leave 'im be! he's playin'!"

And one more thing....how cool is it that Mollie's mom is on here? that is so neat! I may have to get my mom hooked on GCM too. It's so great to see grandma's on here!! :hearts