constant touch

[apbfmom]

My 15 month old dd has a need for constant touching - loves to be held, goes to sleep only when held, etc. I know that describes attachment parenting, but it seems extreme in our case. I've read the Dr. Sears' books, but can you recommend other books that address this (IMO) extreme need for closeness?

I'm not much of a touchy feely person, so maybe it feels extreme because I don't like to be touched? Anyway to overcome this?

Thanks!

[expatmom]

Is it that she needs to be touched or that you are feeling touched out? I know the Le Leche book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" has a section on feeling overtouched by our little ones. I can remember feeling that way with my kids, from time to time. All I wanted was some personal space!

Hopefully someone here has some words of wisdom for you!
Take care!

[DogwoodMama]

Wow. After reading this and your other thread, I think our dd's are twins. ;)

My dd needs much less touch than she used to, but she naps in arms and sleepd with me still. She plays independently quite a lot but many times a day will climb into my lap with a book or just to cuddle, or bring me the sling so I will carry her around. Fortunately, I enjoy it so it's OK for me. But I can understand how someone could get "touched out" by this- I doubt many of my IRL friends could handle a dd like mine.

Are there specific times of day when it gets bad for you? Would "re-charging" at some pre-planned point by having your dh take over help you? Just trying to brainstorm here for some specific solutions for *you* to cope since I don't think your dd's personality or needs will change overnight.

I do want to say that I think it's wonderful that you're doing what it takes to meet your dd's needs even though it might come as some cost for you personally... I know your dd will appreciate this long-term, and probably you'll cherish these times too b/c they will end of course. But in the meanwhile, we don't want you to get totally burnt-out, so I think it would be great to help you develop some coping strategies for this time. :hug

[apbfmom]

It probably is me just being touched out. We've gone through a month's worth of illnesses (her's and mine), so maybe that is what has triggered these feelings.

Sorry, I've more to write, but she needs my attention now.

[nutmeggmama]

I really struggled with this with Noah. He screamed his head off if he wasn't nursing all the time, usually. Otherwise I needed to be holding him,. When he wasnt nursing, he was in my arms. He nursed alllllll the time. Luckily, I thought this was normal, but after a while, I realised it wasnt. Basically, dh and I realised I wasnt going to get stuff done during the day, and that had to be okay with us. :banghead Super frustrating. DH knew when he was availible, Noah needed to be held by him, and I would get some stuff done. If I ever put him down, he screamed, if he was awake or askeep...He always had to be moving...the sling and swing didn't really work. He wanted to be held tightly. As he got older, it fizzed out. Sorta..
Now Noah is 4. He still comes into our bed in the morning, and at night asks to have daddy's back (with his shirt pulled up...skin to skin :O ) And he really really likes me to touch him (unless he's losing it, then you have to be far away) . So he will just be like that. I guess the thing to remember is that they are only babies for so long. It really does stop, sorta, and life will go on. I know that doesn't change anything at the moment, but it give you some hope.

[Peepsqueak]

An 18 month old may be a little heavy, but I carried my children in slings until they were about three years old. That way they could be with me and I could still get things done....only thing was I had to watch my back when they got over 20 lbs. They eventually weaned themselves from so much contact, but I didn't mind the constant contact. When they fell asleep I would lay them down, but they would wake up if they could sense I was not there. Kind of confining in a way but I worked through it. Eventually they would wiggle away and want to explore....

[ArmsOfLove]

Ashley Montagu's book "Touching" is excellent! It's a little technical and he' snot a Christian :rolleyes but his observations are explained and what he thinks is from evolution I know is from God :) He talks about other mammals closest to us physically and different gestational periods. Those mammals closest to us have gestational periods about twice as long as ours--wheras other mammals with shorter gestational periods (and ours is in the shorter range) give birth to babies that come out walking and ready or almost ready to take care of themselves. If we carried our babies to the age that they could do those things we would not be able to birth them with our structure. So he suggests we fall into the area of marsupials--babies born not able to take care of themselves but as large as they can be before we couldn't birth them--and that babies have the best response when parented with an approach that considers the 9 months of pg as "in utero gestation" and the next 9 months as "ex utero gestation" with constant holding, skin to skin contact, and immediate nurturing and meeting of needs.

[apbfmom]

Thanks for the responses. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone.

Now that she is not sick, and her teething has slowed down, she is content to be on her own. Also, she's discovered the outdoors now that the weather is warmer and she wants to go out and explore all the time. It's amazing how their needs change overnight.

[chelsea]

My 16-month-old is the same way. He nurses pretty much all night and will often wake up just to latch back on again. He also has to be sleeping right on top of me most of the time...he's 30 pounds. Occasionally I feel touched out (or squished out) but I remind myself this won't be forever. Besides, I'm a fairly touchy-feely person myself so I really don't mind.

[mandyrberry]

oh i have so been there. My Ella was constantly in my arms untill i could no longer hold her due to being 6 months prego. It has been overload for me because i hate to be touched. I tend to need lots of personal space. maybe God knew i needed to learn how to be hugged and sent ella to me because you cant argue with her. It has been hard to not reach burnout and resent ment with her high needs issues, but they are realy getting better now. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

[wuzzie]

I too struggle with this. And I AM a cuddly person. I think for me I am just being selfish. The only time I really have a problem with it is when I am trying to get something done (which is the only time he wants to be picked up!) I have to remember that certain things can wait (like wahsing dishes) and some things can't. Like loving my kids. Now we have gotten to the point where he is happy just playing near me. So if I set him up with some cool toys he will sit beside me while I load the dishwasher.

I don't know what I am trying to say other than it does get better. Can you really imagine a clingy teenager? I can, but don't think it's very likely.