How to respond

[milkmommy]

Okay I left to go pick up something from the store DD stayed home with DH and I was gone maybe 20 mintues tops. When I got home I noticed Cecilia had spilled some water ontop of some of DH's students papers. Well I told DH and while he was cleaning it up I restarted DD video from last night so she could finish it. DH says.."SO we're rewarding her?" I said for what I left a glass of water within her reach, You left your students papers on the floor where they could have easily been damaged, plus neither one of us saw what happened.. (because DH had no clue when I told him) maybe she was just taking the glass to the sink and accidently splled it (she does do this a lot) and we did discoved the "glass" on the kitchen counter. DH says this a lot, like sometime DD is getting a bit whinney and frustrated with her toys and I'll go pick her up and give her a huge kiss and tell her I still love her. It ussualy breaks the tennsion and the whinning stops but DH thinks I'm "rewarding her whinning" I don't think so? Or say she getting into something that she shouldn't DH tells her no and moves her away and then says Too bad if she cries. I'll move her away and while I'll say No to going back I'll try to find something she can do. So DH will say so were rewarding her getting in to the CD's with some toys? :hissyfit :doh :shifty :rolleyes Please how can I let him understand or tell me what I might be doing wrong.
Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

This is why mothers in Biblical times cared for all of the children until the age of 5 when the boys are turned over to daddies :)

It's not a reward unless you teach the child that you are doing something special *because* of their poor behavior. You didn't high five her for spilling! The two things are totally unrelated!

It sounds like dh's parents are coming out of his mouth :) If he was parented punitively it might help to talk to him about how he *felt* when he was punished.

[Chris3jam]

That sounds exactly like my dh. I'm following this thread. . . . .

Oh, and


Children are not born with this innate knowledge.

someone *please* give me the words to try and explain the above type of things to dh! He seems to expect a lot from children, which I am trying to explain is just completely un-realistic! Knowledge about manners, behaviours, etc. I am just *not* getting through to him. If I try and explain normal child development, he accuses me of following the world's teachings, instead of Biblical teaching. So, how do you explain to a dh about these kinds of things?!

[schoolofmom]

Do you think you could find the Positive Discipline in the Christian Home (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0761536000/qid=1112554488/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/103-2548460-0255031?v=glance&s=books) book by Nelsen? It talks about age-appropriate behavior a little, and then at least you could have a straight-up Christian resource.