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View Full Version : What Am I Doing Wrong


Charlie U
04-02-2005, 06:47 PM
I'm ready to run away from home.

Rebecca, nearly four, just will not listen. Neither does Rachel, 20 months. Naturally, I'm not expecting the baby to listen all the time. I'm afraid that Rebecca is imitating Rachel's behavior. Add being four to that, and there you go.

Tonight, they're running around the house. Occassionally, they will stop, look at each other, and they will scream. Rebecca will start, then Rachel. Rebecca will chase Rachel and bother her until she starts to cry. She'll grab her arms, things like that. I repeatedly, and I mean many times through out the day, tell Rebecca to leave Rachel alone. Specific things. Rebecca, don't pull Rachel. Rebecca, don't throw your sister to the ground. It eventually ends up with a very exasperated REBECCA, LEAVE RACHEL BE! By that point, Rachel is crying. (Tonight? Mommy has a headache from all the screaming and getting them off the stairs.) :hissyfit Having to repeat things over and over is frustrating. I know it's making things worse. Rebecca is excellant at pushing limits. I'm not expecting her to listen the first time, every time.

I get the exact same results when I physically seperate them. I put Rebecca in the comfort corner. She'll settle down, then repeat the same behavior. Or Rachel will not understand that it's quiet time for Rebecca and will try to climb on the chair, too. Which will make Rebecca scream because she knows she needs quiet time.

I try positive things. Dh and I always compliment the girls when they play nicely together. We both try to spend time with them seperately. Both of their behaviors improve dramatically. Rebecca can whip everyone in the house into a frenzy. :hissyfit I'm not expecting peace. I wouldn't have had kids if I wanted peace. I just want to not be angry at my girls.

ArmsOfLove
04-02-2005, 07:01 PM
Oh ((((((((( :hug)))))))))) One thing that I wanted to share after reading your post is that young children have a very hard time (read: they can't ;) ) thinking in the alternative. Meaning when you say, "Don't bug your sister" they actually hear, "Bug your sister" :eek :rolleyes We do the same thing but we've learned how to translate into the alternative. Try this . . . Don't think of a pink elephant. What are you thinking about? Children do so much better when we tell them what *to* do. And what *to* do is teaching them. If we focus on what not to do we leave an infinite number of possibilities to try next. "Don't kick" but what about hitting, pinching, tickling, etc??? As opposed to, "Gentle touches to your sister."

Also, when children are running around crazy it's time for some routine and structure to be inserted in that moment. If there's a time of day that this always (or usually) happens then creating some routine will definately help. I resisted starting an evening routine until I realized that we had one . . . chaos :rolleyes When we took the time to put a real routine in play it took much less energy and was much more pleasant.

hth :hug

mummy2boys
04-03-2005, 03:20 AM
:hug I hear you...am having troubles myself.....I am just taking it one day at a time (sometimes 1 hour at a time ;)) and that would be my advice to you

boonpnutsmom
04-03-2005, 03:39 AM
Mine were all in bed by 730 tonight and it's the weekend, I had just had enough. I thanked them for sleeping in this morning and for being quiet so I could sleep a little longer (Gary let me sleep til 10 AM)!!! adn then I told them I loved them but if they didn't want to hear me get very upset they had better go to sleep. Ethan was the last one to sleep, he actually went into his own room and was watching TV and fell asleep in his own bed :eek this he NEVER does. Evan nursed and fell off to sleep in under 10 minutes :ptl he hadn't slept all day and Shayla asked daddy to put down the crib rail so she could hold his hand and she was out cold. I have now talked to my wonderful new friends in Alaska and I have folded almost all the clothes that have been in baskets for almost 3 weeks. Now the hard part....putting them all away, but I will have to wait til morning, so for now to the exasperated mommies everywhere, have some sweet dreams, and remember howmuch we love our little ones, for tomorrow, eerrr... today it starts all over again!!! :hugs