Radosny Matka
03-30-2005, 08:03 PM
We just returned home today from our Easter trip "home." Our family lives 6 hours away. I was horrified by my son's behavior this past week. At times I didn't recognize him. Now, I do understand that some of these reactions are just behaviors coming out from being overtired, hungry, eating too much junk, and feeling "put-out" by both my 2 month old son, and my 11mo. old niece. It's hard sharing grandparents... Anyway, a few "highlights."
1.) He pushed my 11 month old neice several times. :mad Now, I should say that he was very gentle about it and never pushed her over. It was more of a testing the limits. However, TOTALLY not acceptable. Thankfully that only lasted one day, but my sis freaked when he did it. We had a little talk about that...
2.) He sat at my grandparents table SCREAMING, "I want my soup NOW" while stabbing his fork into the table. :eek I put him in a chair in the room to calm down. I was soooo humiliated!
3.) Refusing to do anything I asked - anything at all was responded with a NO, and he meant it. We had a few battles, which I won't even go into. Man oh man, it was HARD not to put him in time-out, but I managed to somewhat keep my patience and work through it.
4.) Ds is totally into fishing right now. My dad got out his fishing box, and gave him a bunch of rubber worms and lures (he cut off the hooks). My son did say thank you when prompted, but he didn't look very appreciative at all. He wouldn't give my dad a hug, and that hurt my dad's feelings. I think ds has been given too much lately and expects too much. Dh and I have decided that he will get nothing until his b-day in June.
5.) He seems to be too comfortable with his role in the family, and dh and I are getting less and less respect every day. He thinks nothing of yelling at us, over anything, or demanding things. He is throwing toys when he gets mad and screaming at us.
6.) I was putting on ds's shoe, and he found a dead ladybug on sil's floor. He said he wanted to step on it. I basically told him no and that stepping on lady bugs will smoosh it into the floor. Well, the instant his shoe was on, he stomped on the ladybug. :banghead He just didn't at all listen to me or even think he HAD to. I had him pick it up off the floor with a tissue and throw it away.
There are many more examples, but I really don't want to rehash the whole trip. I just don't know where I went wrong. Dh and I need to crack down on ds. I just am not sure where to even start. I do think I need to make my words mean more, and tonight I did just that. He wouldn't pick up his toys, so they went in a big box and into the spare room for the next day. He can help me put them away tomorrow night. Another time he refused to get off the couch with the bubbles, so I took the bubbles away. Both times I asked/told him twice, and that was it, action was taken.
I think I am able to handle most of these problems, but my biggest concern is #5 - his lack of respect for dh and I. How do I get him to stop yelling at me? I tell him things like, "tell me you are angry with your words, not your loudness" or "you may be angry, you may not yell." or "I don't understand yelling." I say other things too, but I almost feel like I need to up it a little bit. He thinks it's okay to scream and yell about everything. He isn't just screaming, he is screaming his words.
Also, how should I react when I ask him to do something and he flat out tells me no? I tried the 5 steps, and it made things worse.
Sigh...tonight was a bit better. I do think a bunch of combinations made his behaviour more out of control than it actually is, but I cannot do this again. His behaviour at the last trip over Christmas wasn't as good as normal either, but this past trip really takes the cake.
On a more positive note - his compassion really did show. Everytime my niece was fussy or crying, he tried to help her feel better. That was sweet.
Thanks for listening and for any advice. I feel so :banghead :mad :hissyfit :cry :td :eek :think :bheart :crazy :cry2 :td :sa
1.) He pushed my 11 month old neice several times. :mad Now, I should say that he was very gentle about it and never pushed her over. It was more of a testing the limits. However, TOTALLY not acceptable. Thankfully that only lasted one day, but my sis freaked when he did it. We had a little talk about that...
2.) He sat at my grandparents table SCREAMING, "I want my soup NOW" while stabbing his fork into the table. :eek I put him in a chair in the room to calm down. I was soooo humiliated!
3.) Refusing to do anything I asked - anything at all was responded with a NO, and he meant it. We had a few battles, which I won't even go into. Man oh man, it was HARD not to put him in time-out, but I managed to somewhat keep my patience and work through it.
4.) Ds is totally into fishing right now. My dad got out his fishing box, and gave him a bunch of rubber worms and lures (he cut off the hooks). My son did say thank you when prompted, but he didn't look very appreciative at all. He wouldn't give my dad a hug, and that hurt my dad's feelings. I think ds has been given too much lately and expects too much. Dh and I have decided that he will get nothing until his b-day in June.
5.) He seems to be too comfortable with his role in the family, and dh and I are getting less and less respect every day. He thinks nothing of yelling at us, over anything, or demanding things. He is throwing toys when he gets mad and screaming at us.
6.) I was putting on ds's shoe, and he found a dead ladybug on sil's floor. He said he wanted to step on it. I basically told him no and that stepping on lady bugs will smoosh it into the floor. Well, the instant his shoe was on, he stomped on the ladybug. :banghead He just didn't at all listen to me or even think he HAD to. I had him pick it up off the floor with a tissue and throw it away.
There are many more examples, but I really don't want to rehash the whole trip. I just don't know where I went wrong. Dh and I need to crack down on ds. I just am not sure where to even start. I do think I need to make my words mean more, and tonight I did just that. He wouldn't pick up his toys, so they went in a big box and into the spare room for the next day. He can help me put them away tomorrow night. Another time he refused to get off the couch with the bubbles, so I took the bubbles away. Both times I asked/told him twice, and that was it, action was taken.
I think I am able to handle most of these problems, but my biggest concern is #5 - his lack of respect for dh and I. How do I get him to stop yelling at me? I tell him things like, "tell me you are angry with your words, not your loudness" or "you may be angry, you may not yell." or "I don't understand yelling." I say other things too, but I almost feel like I need to up it a little bit. He thinks it's okay to scream and yell about everything. He isn't just screaming, he is screaming his words.
Also, how should I react when I ask him to do something and he flat out tells me no? I tried the 5 steps, and it made things worse.
Sigh...tonight was a bit better. I do think a bunch of combinations made his behaviour more out of control than it actually is, but I cannot do this again. His behaviour at the last trip over Christmas wasn't as good as normal either, but this past trip really takes the cake.
On a more positive note - his compassion really did show. Everytime my niece was fussy or crying, he tried to help her feel better. That was sweet.
Thanks for listening and for any advice. I feel so :banghead :mad :hissyfit :cry :td :eek :think :bheart :crazy :cry2 :td :sa