Whining

[musicmama]

So, since we finally have her covering her mouth when she burps (and she THRIVES on us saying we're proud of her!) please, how do I get her to stop whining?!

Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, the dog hit my haaaaaaaaaaair.
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, the cat looked at me.
Stoooooooooooooooooop looking at my book.
I'm huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungry.
I'm thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirsty.
I don't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant water.

We're also dealing with talking respectfully. Yesterday at work (they were eating while I was working) is a good example. Instead of "can I have some icecream please?" everytime I walked by (was busy) it was yelled "WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM!" It's like that whenever she wants something "where's my...." instead of asking. And she's VERY rude to her little brother (which I'm sure was picked up from people talking to him that way, based on the stuff she says).

I feel like a complete imbocile. I promise I've read your book, Crystal, I just can't seem to figure it out :(

[ArmsOfLove]

On the demanding, I'd answer something like, "I'm getting it. Can you ask in a way that helps me feel more respected?" Sometimes if they know you really are getting it they will be more cooperative with the try agains and do overs :)

As for whining--I find when I decide to stop letting it get to me they stop doing it as much :lol Becky Bailey in "Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline" talks about how we get more of what we focus on ;) I find the best response from me is a simple, "Please use a normal voice" or "try again without the whine" or "that voice hurts my ears" or, when I really can't, "I can't understand what you're saying when you use tha tvoice."

And I have them try again with each other too ;)

[schoolofmom]

With Bishop, the "way that makes me feel respected" wording goes completely over his head, so I modified it a little. When he says, "Mama! Make it yowduh!" (meaning turn up the volume on the stereo :lol ), I say, "Use your polite words. Say, 'Mama, would you please turn up the volume?" Then when he does, I always compliment him on his excellent manners. ;) Just thought that she might not have the respectful terminology given her background. :)

[Teribear]

I agree with Jocelyn about offering a script.

I also do a little playful parenting thing with this..."Oh my! I'm so sorry! I don't speak Whinese! Can you ask again nicely and in English?" She usually giggles and tries again.

[ArmsOfLove]

Oh, definately give the script until they know how to do it and then prompt them to remember themselves. If they don't know what respectful *is* then they won't be able to do it without specific teaching :)

[musicmama]

They just got home from their visit with their mom (and she's all hyped up on coke, grrrr), but anyway, she said "me want a sandwich!" and said "did you say "can I please have a sandwich?" and she repeated it, and I told her no, she just ate. LOL! But then she said, without prompting "can I please have some chocolate milk?" and I smothered her in kisses and told her that was GOOD big girl talking, and I would be HAPPY to give her chocolate milk! (which is, and don't tell her, milk with like a tsp of ovaltine).

[ArmsOfLove]

See--kids really want to be social :D Great for her!

[musicmama]

I love that Whinese phrase, Terri! :laughtears

With the little man, I'm going to start teaching him the sign for please. I had a good long talk with a friend of mine this morning and a kid she watches did the same thing "Uh uh uh!!" while pointing. If I could rip my ears off by the end of the night, I would! :lol So, do you think that's a good option for him?

[MarynMunchkins]

Actually, I think it would be more effective to talk aloud and name what it is he wants or teach him the signs for what he wants. Not that I ever did baby signs ;), but I usually say something like "You want juice. Please get me some juice, mommy!" while I'm getting it for him.

My kids talk pretty early, and they usually get the script. :)

[Teribear]

I think signing could be very helpful for the little one. I'd sign the word and SAY the word at the same time so that he gets the association. I didn't know about baby signing when DD was small, but we've been taking ASL classes for the past year and they were a Godsend in keeping us from :banghead during a recent bout with laryngitis. I can also give corrections without a word in a public place (so I don't embarass her) by catching her eye and signing it to her. She's very familiar with the signs for "STOP! NOW!" :D

[ArmsOfLove]

Oh I think signs are great! :tu Also . . . "Show me" :)

[schoolofmom]

I can also give corrections without a word in a public place (so I don't embarass her) by catching her eye and signing it to her. She's very familiar with the signs for "STOP! NOW!"

Terri, I love this. It's so respectful of her need not to be embarrassed while getting you the results you want. I am really gonna have to try it.