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sadie
03-30-2005, 12:31 PM
We talk a lot about tools for discipline in our toolbox, but I realized there is no thread that comprehensively lists all the different tools out there, and situations in which each one can be utilized. So ladies, what are you tools and when do you use them? :) (The purpose of this thread is to help all of us, especially mamas new to GBD, have a quick reference of things to do instead of punitive measures when they are in a pinch).

Danette
04-01-2005, 03:52 AM
:D I like the idea of this thread. I'm off for the day but will be back to post later.

*bump*

mom2threePKs
04-01-2005, 05:21 AM
My tool is really more of a mindset. :think When I start to get angry and punative-feeling (thoughts like, "I'm going to have the last word if its the lst thing I do." or "She's got to learn that I am the boss." swirl around in my head.) I try to take a deep breath and look at the world through the eyes of the child i am dealing with. Remembering that she is only 8 (or 5 or 3) really helps. Thinking about how she is feeling in the situation (scared :eek, frustrated :banghead, overwhelmed :hissyfit) instead of how I feel (usually angry :mad, threatened, impatient) really helps me act compassionately to meet the needs causing the situation instead of reacting to the symptoms.

And if that doesn't work there's always an apology! :blush

Magan

sadie
04-01-2005, 11:41 AM
that's a good tool. :)

I have been using distraction/redirection constantly right now. Dd is so young, and this is the perfect tool at her age, and I guess it continues working well in certain cases for all ages. Since she is too young for me to explain why something is off limits, this tool has come in really handy. ;)

jujubnme
04-01-2005, 11:53 AM
Here's a great list of ideas that has been helpful for me. When I first read it (on another site) it was known as "Steph's Toolbox." ;)

Respectful Discipline (http://www.empathic-parenting.com/index_list.htm)

I'll add to that "Take a deep breath." When Julius reacts with great upset to something, I'll often first empathize and then have him take some deep breaths with me to help him calm down start moving on. (Not trying to squash emotion, but help him not to get stuck in it, kwim?)

edited to update link

Living My Dream
01-03-2008, 02:26 AM
found this and thought it'd be really good as the OP said to compile a list of tools we all have hiding in our box. Mayb it could be stickied in the FAQ's or something??

ArmsOfLove
01-03-2008, 08:48 AM
I think sharing tools is a great idea :tu I do want to caution that there is not ever going to be *one* comprehensive list of tools because every parent is limited only by their imagination and their child will respond to very unique things :heart

www.aolff.org (http://www.aolff.org)

klpmommy
01-03-2008, 11:35 AM
my favorite tool is playful parenting. It works great with P and in a totally different way with E.

allisonintx
01-03-2008, 11:41 AM
I'm a really really crummy playful parent, but I'm amazing at Scripting ;) It's my best too, and sometimes I can even turn it around on them in a playful way.

The Tickle Momster
01-03-2008, 11:46 AM
I'm a really really crummy playful parent, but I'm amazing at Scripting ;) It's my best too, and sometimes I can even turn it around on them in a playful way.


Can you give an example? PP is not my thing either. Scripts work well for me though.

allisonintx
01-03-2008, 11:51 AM
3yo: MOMMY, GET ME A DRINK!

Normal script: "Mommy, would you please get a drink for me?" then wait for them to repeat what I've said.

Playful Me
(said in my very best DRAMA QUEEN voice):

Hmm, I thought I heard a child talking. Oh, yes, I know. They said, 'Oh, mommy, I'm so terribly thirsty, and my throat feels like the Sahara Desert, and I would really really really appreciate it if you would get a drink for me please'

everyone dissolves into giggles and the 3yo says "Mommy would you please get me a drink?"

Living My Dream
01-03-2008, 12:15 PM
Good ideas.... glad that this post is up again. I agree with Crystal that there isnt a toolbox list that will be useful for ever child but just to see what you stash in yours may be helpful

Radosny Matka
01-03-2008, 09:00 PM
This thread is a great idea. I try to be playful, but am not always the best at it. My nearly 3 year old frequently fights getting his coat on, so one thing I do is have the coat "eat" him "I'm so hungry. I'm going to eat you. yumm yumm yumm." He thinks that is funny. Or, I will talk for the coat, "Whatever you do, don't stick your arm in me - you are stinky. Noooo! Pee-uwww - get away. Help me!" :giggle

klpmommy
01-04-2008, 07:40 AM
This thread is a great idea. I try to be playful, but am not always the best at it. My nearly 3 year old frequently fights getting his coat on, so one thing I do is have the coat "eat" him "I'm so hungry. I'm going to eat you. yumm yumm yumm." He thinks that is funny. Or, I will talk for the coat, "Whatever you do, don't stick your arm in me - you are stinky. Noooo! Pee-uwww - get away. Help me!" :giggle


:haha putting socks , shoes, coats, etc on the wrong person, wrong body parts or the dogs works over here.

The Tickle Momster
01-04-2008, 07:59 AM
3yo: MOMMY, GET ME A DRINK!

Normal script: "Mommy, would you please get a drink for me?" then wait for them to repeat what I've said.

Playful Me
(said in my very best DRAMA QUEEN voice):

Hmm, I thought I heard a child talking. Oh, yes, I know. They said, 'Oh, mommy, I'm so terribly thirsty, and my throat feels like the Sahara Desert, and I would really really really appreciate it if you would get a drink for me please'

everyone dissolves into giggles and the 3yo says "Mommy would you please get me a drink?"





I love it! Thank you!

The Tickle Momster
01-04-2008, 08:02 AM
This thread is a great idea. I try to be playful, but am not always the best at it. My nearly 3 year old frequently fights getting his coat on, so one thing I do is have the coat "eat" him "I'm so hungry. I'm going to eat you. yumm yumm yumm." He thinks that is funny. Or, I will talk for the coat, "Whatever you do, don't stick your arm in me - you are stinky. Noooo! Pee-uwww - get away. Help me!" :giggle


:haha putting socks , shoes, coats, etc on the wrong person, wrong body parts or the dogs works over here.


I think playful parenting requires more planning ahead than I'm used to. :think I like to just say it & go. But if I leave an extra 5 minutes to make it fun. . . much less stress. :think

Good thread. :tu

canadiyank
01-05-2008, 03:13 AM
The Discipline Without Damage site has an excellent list of Tools and Cues (http://www.dwd.com/tools-and-cues.asp). :)

Living My Dream
01-05-2008, 04:10 AM
oooooooooo thanks for the link!!!! :rockon

graceful mama
01-05-2008, 12:07 PM
Hmmm... I like the idea of playful parenting. I don't think I use that one enough - the few times I do, dd loves it. Will have to do that more.

We have a little technique/tool for helping her to calm down which we started when she was really itty bitty. She's 2 and 1/2 now. We have her hold up a finger and sniff "the flower" really deeply and then "blow all the dandelion hairs off of it". In other words, take a deep breathe. Now, if I sit her down someplace to calm down, she will blow her flower and then pray for Jesus to help her with whatever all of her own accord. It's so cute and funny!

Praise
01-07-2008, 06:55 PM
In addition to the ones listed, one of my favorite tools is active listening/emotion coaching. It helps diffuse situations and turn them into learning experiences. (Plus, it really helps me get a bit of mental and emotional distance from the incident at hand.) Two great books about emotion coaching are: How To Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child.

Wanted to come back and give an example. :) My husband made the acronym LERPES to help us remember what to do: (We remember the acronym, perhaps because it sounds like a horrible disease. :shifty)

[first, stop the problem activity, then:]
L - listen (actually get down and listen to what the child is saying)
E - empathize (I say something like: "It's no fun when you can't have what you want." or "I remember a time I felt really angry at my mom since she wouldn't let me stay up all night.")
R & P - reinforce principles (something like: "in our house, we don't hit when we are angry")
E -
S - strategize (is that word?) ("Okay, what can you do next time? What would help you open your mouth during toothbrushing time?)

Joyheart
01-08-2008, 11:32 PM
Hi, first post here.

We do lots of 'try that again please' things. For example if one stomps off when given an instruction or has a bad attitude I might say "Would you like to try that again please?" and they usually realize they are being unpleasant and change their attitude.

We also try very hard to keep our kids with us a lot, which we've found helps eliminate a lot of issues by our being there to stop things before they start. Also, it eliminates tattling because I am right there to see it so it is not one child's word against the other.

I also like to remind them of 'Are you being kind? Are you being patient?" a lot.

With my 2 yr old if he's hitting I might gently grab his arm as he goes to hit and say in a firm tone "NO. We do not hurt others." Then keep him very close to me so I can prevent any more hitting.


Loving Jesus,
Joy

CapeTownMommy
01-10-2008, 05:27 AM
Welcome Joy! :)

tigerlily
01-10-2008, 02:18 PM
assign positive intent before addressing the situation. No one likes to be accused of doing wrong and everyone likes to see how they were (at least a little) in the right.

Living My Dream
03-05-2008, 03:43 AM
Just wanted to bump this as i thought it was great :tu

Meli
03-05-2008, 04:30 AM
Visuals and social stories. I work as a special ed teacher with children with Autism, so use them a lot at work, but find they work brilliantly with my own kids too (and "they" do say that 2yo is the autistic stage of chidlhood!).

I use them to warn and prepare for changes and transitions, teach a new skill, help scaffold a difficult task, work through strong emotions, etc.

Some specific examples - I did one to help my 2yo night wean, one when I went away once to help them understand the length of time and what would happen while I was gone, etc.

loveyoulots
03-05-2008, 02:01 PM
Visuals and social stories. I work as a special ed teacher with children with Autism, so use them a lot at work, but find they work brilliantly with my own kids too (and "they" do say that 2yo is the autistic stage of chidlhood!).

I use them to warn and prepare for changes and transitions, teach a new skill, help scaffold a difficult task, work through strong emotions, etc.

Some specific examples - I did one to help my 2yo night wean, one when I went away once to help them understand the length of time and what would happen while I was gone, etc.


Sorry, I missed this one. Could you elaborate on what these are? Perhaps using the mommy's going away example. Thanks

Meli
03-05-2008, 05:16 PM
Visuals and social stories. I work as a special ed teacher with children with Autism, so use them a lot at work, but find they work brilliantly with my own kids too (and "they" do say that 2yo is the autistic stage of chidlhood!).

I use them to warn and prepare for changes and transitions, teach a new skill, help scaffold a difficult task, work through strong emotions, etc.

Some specific examples - I did one to help my 2yo night wean, one when I went away once to help them understand the length of time and what would happen while I was gone, etc.


Sorry, I missed this one. Could you elaborate on what these are? Perhaps using the mommy's going away example. Thanks


A social story is like a story about a specific situation to explain what will happen so the child feels prepared and knows what to expect. You can use photos, pictures etc to illustrate it. You tell it in the 1st person, from the childs POV.

E.g. A story for staying at Grandma's place while Mum goes shopping might say:

I am going to Grandma's house! I like Grandma. She is fun and we play games together. (With a photo of Grandma, or Grandma and child cuddling, etc)

When we get to Grandma's house, mummy will give me a cuddle and a breastfeed. (With a photo of child cuddling or feeding with Mum)

Then Mummy will say "Bye Bye Imi, I'm going shopping". I will say "Bye Bye Mummy". (Photo of child waving)

Mummy will get in the car and drive away. I will stay with Grandma. (Photo of mum in car)

Grandma and I will play games together. If I need a drink or something to eat, Grandma will get it for me. (Photo of food and drink)

When it is time for my sleep I can have a sleep in Grandma's big bed! What fun! (Photo of Grandma's big bed)

When Mummy is at the shops I might feel sad and miss Mummy. It is OK to feel sad. I can tell Grandma if I feel sad and Grandma will give me a big hug! Then I can choose a special story to read with Grandma. (Picture of a sad face)

When Mummy is finished shopping she will come back to Grandma's house. (Photo of mum coming back with shopping).

I can give Mummy a big cuddle and tell her I missed her. She will give me a breastfeed. She missed me too! It is nice to be back together again. (photo cuddling Mummy)

Stories need to be adapted to the specific child, not generic - they work best if the photos are actually of the real people in the story. Also things like the things they can do when they feel sad need to be the specific things that help that child feel safe and comforted.

You prepare the story in advance and read it a few times before the event actually happens. You could also leave it with Grandma so she could read it to remind the child what will happen if she gets upset.

HTH!

tigerlily
03-05-2008, 06:14 PM
Visuals and social stories. I work as a special ed teacher with children with Autism, so use them a lot at work, but find they work brilliantly with my own kids too (and "they" do say that 2yo is the autistic stage of chidlhood!).

That is brilliant! Thanks for the example -- I can see that working so well for us! :rockon

rachelmarie
03-06-2008, 02:46 PM
I love this thread! I'm definitely in need of some fresh ideas right now.

ProudMommaof2
03-06-2008, 07:37 PM
I love this thread! I'm definitely in need of some fresh ideas right now.


:yes