What was your childhood home like, and how does it affect you today?

[DogwoodMama]

I've been thinking about this, and wondering if people tend to "keep house" similarly to the way things were when they grew up, or if it matters at all and is more a function of current obligations and personality, etc. So I'm curious what your house was like when you were growing up and how it affects the way you view your home and home-making today?

About my experience... I grew up in fairly nice homes, with nice furniture and decorations. When I was real little, I don't remember about how my mom kept things clean, but I believe she did, even though she was depressed and an alcoholic (I have NO idea how she did this, but everything is straight and clean in pictures!). Then for a few years things were pretty disorganized when my dad was a single dad. Then my stepmom married him, and she was really weird about keeping things clean- she wanted a perfectly straight house but thought the kids should do all or most of the chores. So basically all day on Saturday my brother (2 years younger) and I had this huge list of chores that we had to do, cleaning the house from top to bottom... my stepmom wouldn't let us play or do anything until we had done it to her satisfaction, which was nearly impossible to do.

How this has affected me... well, I have a pretty good idea of what it takes to keep a house clean, and really want my house to be that way, but tend to fall short frequently. Before I had Charlotte, I cleaned according to the way I did growing up- I did a bunch of chores on Saturday, and then just kind of maintained throughout the week. I don't feel like I would ever want my kids to have the burden that I had growing up with the amount of chores I had- I do want maintaining our home to feel like a team effort, rather than me delegating EVERYTHING to the kids. I'm also learning that it's easier to spread out cleaning, similar to FlyLady.

I think I also got my decorating taste from the house I grew up in, which USED to be nice before my dad became a bachelor, and my grandmother's houses. It's basically the "Southern Living Traditional look" as I call it. :lol

[lumpofclay]

Oh, I absolutely think the way things were in our childhood homes affect how we keep house.

Before my parents divorced, our home was really nice. My mom did all the work, although at that young age, I didn't realize all the work it took to keep everything going. We had a homecooked meal (meat, 2-3 veggies, & bread) every night. After they divorced, when I was about 11, the house got more cluttered, but my mom still took pretty good care of things. She didn't cook as often, but did still cook. I kept the dirty clothes out of my room (and dirty dishes). I never made my bed, but then again, neither did my mom.

So when we got married, I only made my bed b/c DH did! ;) I kept house about like my mom did after the divorce. . . pretty okay but not great. For the past 4 1/2 years, I've been off and on the FlyLady list, so I've picked up a lot of things from her! My mom has too! :P I love the idea of spreading the necessary things to be done out and only spending a pre-set amt. of time doing them. I also love having Saturday as family fun day! We've all enjoyed this one!

[snlmama]

My mom kept our house spotless. She did and still does mop all the hard floors several times a day and vacuum at least once, if not twice a day. Compared to her I'm a total slob. I try really hard, but I always fall short and I want my kids to remember something more about the time they spend w/ me than me cleaning, so I tend to neglect housework in favor of their needs. ;) Decorating-wise, she paid a decorator and it was kind of like Southern Living or Better Homes and Garden's Style, very polished looking.
That said, our house, overall is fairly clean. I tend to decorate w/ mainly personal items. If it doesn't have some personal meaning to one of us it isn't out. My furniture is "eclectic" it all kind of blends, but it's not a perfect match.

[kris10s]

My mom was obsessive-compulsive about clutter and it made me rebel and like clutter. Like, she hates to see a stack of three books on a desk or a nightstand. That weird about it.

[snlmama]

My mom was obsessive-compulsive about clutter and it made me rebel and like clutter. Like, she hates to see a stack of three books on a desk or a nightstand. That weird about it.


Ar e you my long lost sister? :roll

[milkmommy]

My mothers is a preschool teacher and we ran the school from our home so I learned to be very "child safe" probably a good thing. We had a clean bu simple home, over all I like things pretty simple I don't mind a little clutter but I hate excess stuff. I'm pretty much a product of my parents. LOL

Deanna

[Shawn]

for me, my home was chaotic, cluttered, and terribly messy. There was no one at the helm, managing things.

Same here. My mom is really intelligent, and I think she was encouraged to spend time in the books, and wasn't really taught how to take care of a home. So I wasn't really taught either. Dh grew up in a messy, cluttered home. His mother obsessively saves everything. So, Dh and I hate clutter, but keeping it away is an uphill battle we regularly lose. :/

As far as meals go, my Mom cooked dinner until she and Dad divorced, and then we switched to t.v. dinners. If we wanted a home cooked meal we went to my aunt's house. I hate all the preservatives and 'extras' the put in frozen meals, and we try to consume only whole foods, so our meals our are home-made or foods that are ready to eat (fruits, veggies, nuts).

[2sunshines]

I think it can go in one of two opposite ways.

Either people houseclean like their mom, or they houseclean the polar opposite of their mom. :mrgreen

My grandmother (mom's mom) was a meticulous, spotless housekeeper. My mom (I think in unconscious "rebellion" to her mom) is a clutter bug and growing up, the house was clean but untidy and cluttered.

My housekeeping is again opposite of my moms. I'm sure much of that is due to my dh though. :)

We minimize clutter as much as possible. My house is tidy most of the time. I'm definitely not a great housekeeper, but I'm not bad. I don't think that anyone has ever seen my house trashed (except my kids and dh ;)). Everything is all picked up at at least one point in the day. :mrgreen

[Maggie]

Interesting question! I grew up living with my parents and my maternal grandparents, so usually my mom and grandma would clean and my dad would, too, when my mom would let him! ;) (She's a perfectionist.) The house was pretty well kept up, especially when people were coming over. Sometimes, things would get piled up on a table or something for a while, but would always be picked up before someone came over. I never really had any chores or anything. I guess I never really learned how to do a lot of that stuff. I have learned some since being married. (Brian and I share cleaning responsibilities, with him probably usually doing more.) I avoid doing a lot of things around the house because I'm worried I don't know how to do it or I won't do it right, or I've avoided it so long that it's even more overwhelming to me. I wish I had been taught how to do some of those things and given the confidence to do them, KWIM?

[canadiyank]

My mom kept the house up pretty well but mostly I remember frantically cleaning right before company came. I hated that, so stressful, yet that's what I often do. My ideal is fly-lady-esque, with a little each day...

[Abinsmom]

Mostly my childhood home was big -- there was lots of space so clutter was less possible. We lived in a tri-level built in 1970 -- it was 3300 sq. ft. -- bigger by today's standards. We lived on an acre and had a pool. Life was good (although I didn't really know that until later in life!).

Growing up, my mom was a very clean person -- she's a pharmacist and knows all about the risks of being unclean -- but she's also a 'stacker'. Our house was clean, but there were always neat stacks of things everywhere. I can't remember a time when the kitchen counter was 'stackless' of mail or other paper stuff. It was very annoying to me. She's also a 'saver'. She saves everything, even when it runs out of its usefulness or style. She has the means to replace things, but she's just really resistant to change, so I think she holds on to things in an unreasonable way. For example, she has an oil painting of greens, oranges, and golds, she paid $300 for in 1970. She hasn't hung it in her house for 15 years, but she won't get rid of it because she "paid $300 for it" (her words).

How my childhood home has affected me? Well, I'm not a 'stacker'! And I wish I had more space. And I get rid of things that aren't in style. And I wish I had a pool and more yard. Waaaahhhhhh! It also taught me that love of your home enhances the love already in your life, so I try to demonstrate that with my children. We're facelifting our kitchen right now all for the love of the kitchen. The boys are really into it and realize we live in a really great place!

By the way, typing through all this makes me realize I think we need an 'Aging Parents' forum. I will email Jeri and see if she thinks it's appropriate!

ANYWAY, I miss my childhood home a lot -- I loved living there and have many fond memories. I've actually thought about buying it back from it's current owner -- I loved it that much -- but that would mean moving to a neighboring state and DH doesn't want to do that!

Thanks for this wonderful topic!
Karen

[Garnet]

Oh boy.Well, my parents were as unprepared for parenting as they were for anything else. My child hood homes, there were 7 of them between the time I was born and the time I was about 16, one every four years or so. Where always small, cramped, and I'm going to say it, not mesy but disgusting. Piles of clothes, dishes, garbage, you get the idea. Every school has a stinky kid, the one who smells like dogs, or cats, or sweaty feet......well ours had two, my brother and I. My parents never cleaned. I think Mom made attempts when we would first move into a place, but then just stop. When I was really small my grandma used to come over on Saturdays and clean the house from top to bottom. But then Grandpa told her to stop doing it. I hated living there. I hated how white clothes and bedsheets turned grey because my mom and dad didn't seperate laundry, they just tossed it all in together. I hated how it smelled, I hated the dark drapes they put up so no one could look in. I hated the dust. I hated the piles of stuff. I hated their old saggy furniture. It didn't matter what else the house did or didn't have it was a pig sty.
When I first got married and could stay home, our first apartment was immaculate. And so were the next ones. But then, when dh and I sperated, it was cluttered but clean. After he had been gone awhile I coped better and it was back to spotless. Now that I am never home, it is ugly in here, it reminds me of the house I grew up in. Laundry waits because I am not here and dh won't do it, newspapers pile up, dishes pile up. Its drving me crazy! Everytime I step in here now I see my moms house. (Minus the stink.) Its very upsetting.
When I first moved out on my own I had a minimalist apartment that made me happy. Everything was light colored or white and I loved it. Now I have all this country decor people gave me that I don't really like.
Maybe its really time to clean house? Get rid of all the junk, clean up what dh missed, and donate the country kitsch.

[canadiyank]

Oh ((Kelli)). I really think there's something to be said about having a clean home and your mental state, KWIM? I feel SOOO much better when my house is clean...I understand what you're saying about it being upsetting. I think the worst thing is when I feel crummy and depressed I lack the motivation to clean, yet the clean house is one thing that helps me feel better! Catch-22. I'm sorry you're feeling sad about it and reminded of your parents' house. I've often thought of getting someone to come in every couple weeks, even though I'm a SAHM!

Karen, your childhood home sounds wonderful. Mine was in a forest and I spent many lovely hours wandering outside and looking at plants and bugs. I miss it, too...

[Garnet]

I think my options are better if I just cut out all the junk I really don't need instead of hanging on cause dh gave it to me, or his mom, or my grandma....

[canadiyank]

LOL - IKWYM...I find it difficult to get rid of junk others have given me, even when I reallt hate it!