Oliveshoots
03-29-2005, 02:17 PM
All this after I posted earlier about how well the kids at church respond to my boundaries and expectations :rolleyes
So the kids are just off spring break, and we're back to our Tues afternoon handchime choir rehearsal....I'll try to be brief....but I need PRACTICAL ideas for how to handle this better than I did....
The group consists of 5 boys and 3 girls, ages 3rd - 5th grade. They are usually pretty talkative and silly, so I try to do some games and such to keep it exciting. Today we started a new song. I asked them each to color in their notes, which they are used to doing. And this song wasn't half as long as some others we have done. The WHOLE time they are preparing, here are just some snippets of what I was hearing:
J: "D keeps saying cr** and he knows I don't like that word."
D: "I am not! Shutup, J!"
Me: "whether or not it's a "bad word", let's not use it if it bothers someone else."
So J comes back from the bathroom and says "the whole time I ws in the bathroom, D kept saying that word over and over just to bug me."
(I had previously tried to explain to the kids about being a stumbling block, and that it may not be bad to say or do something, but if it bothers someone else, you shouldn't do it." So then this one boy, who is very smart and pretty "spiritual" for his age, goes into all this "what about free will?" and I say "well that's not exactly what I'm talking about." And he says "so if my teacher tells me not to make A's, I should do what she says just so it won't upset her?" :banghead :banghead :banghead :banghead Oh my....so i ended the "teachable moment" right there. (Is that normal for a 10 year old boy???)
So then more stuff happens, just basic talking yacking being disrespectful of me and "backbiting" with each other.
A few "positive" things I tried (but so cliche):
"Use positive words with each other. Please don't say things that hurt."
And then the old "If you can't say something helpful to someone, then please don't say anything."
And "It's my job to make sure D is doing the right thing, not yours. You make sure you are doing the right thing."
And finally, when I asked the "free willy" boy mentioned above not to lean on the tables (for many reasons, one being I didn't want dd in the sling getting bashed in the head by a sliding table), he decides to put his music on the floor and play from there. So then L follows suit, and the other kids were about to try it, too. So I stopped and said "Do you think it's okay with me that you sit on the floor and play your chimes?" I tried REALLY hard not to say it sarcastically. I made eye contact and tried to keep my tone even (even though I felt like screaming). So boy A says "this is the only way I can keep from leaning on the table, becuase it's my natural tendency to lean on it." Then I say, "well I think you're old enough to stop yourself from leaning on the table, especially since it's hard to ring the chimes with your elbows on the table."
Now I'm thinking, maybe this was his way of helping himself do the right thing, and maybe I should have just let him play on the floor? But then part of me says no, he's old enough to stand here for a few more minutes without leaning. And if i let him play on the floor, then they will all want to sit on the floor and play. So should I have just let them all sit on the floor and play? I think maybe my expectations were too high.
So ANYWAY....after about 10 minutes of this, I just had our ministry assistants call all the parents letting them know chimes would end at 3:30 today (this was at 3:20) instead of 4. (They also let them know that since it was such short notice, the kids could stay with me until 4:00.) Incidentally, every parent except one was here at 3:30. I told the kids (very calmly in fact) that since we couldn't focus and get anything done, we would stop early becauwse i just didn't have it in me to try and continue to teach through their disrespect. I told them that they didn't have to be here, that I didn't want them to be miserable, I wanted them to have fun, but we also needed to learn and work at the same time. I asked them to think about it before next week, and if it's something they want to continue to be involved in, then come back next week. If not, that's okay, too. It's sad because there are 3 or 4 in there that really get frustrated when the others prevent us from proceeding.
And this whole time I'm explaining to them why we're ending rehearsal early, the "free will" kid has his hand up and is tryign to interrupt me. i looked at him and said "what I'm saying right now is very important. please listen." So when I was done, I acknowledged his raised hand and you know what he just HAD to tell me that whole time? "J has the green apple runs (something or other) in the bathroom." Well, j had already returned from the bthroom and did not tell me he was sick. (This boys like to tease each other about bodily functions, which I know is typical boy, but it's NOT FUNNY when the boy being made fun of is not laughing.
I am feeling SO punitive right now. And feelign like my expectations for them are WAY inappropriate for their age. Did I set them up for this? Oh I must add that I wasn't all naggy today, I did point out to them when I saw them being ready, marking their music correctly, etc. etc.
I'm also frustrated that I can't really go to my pastor about this and expect to get non-punitive help. I went to him a couple weeks ago about one child in particular and he suggested a chair facing the wall for this child to sit in when he used obscenities under his breath. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my pastor and respect him highly, and he is very good with kids....but this was just a bit too punitive and humiliating (to the child) for me to try.
Any ideas???
I feel like cr** (that word that kid doesn't like) right now.
It is SO HARD to be GBD and non-punitive with kids who aren't raised around it. I'm really struggling not resorting to my old punitive mindset I had when I taught school.
Please help and :pray if you feel led.
TIA.
So the kids are just off spring break, and we're back to our Tues afternoon handchime choir rehearsal....I'll try to be brief....but I need PRACTICAL ideas for how to handle this better than I did....
The group consists of 5 boys and 3 girls, ages 3rd - 5th grade. They are usually pretty talkative and silly, so I try to do some games and such to keep it exciting. Today we started a new song. I asked them each to color in their notes, which they are used to doing. And this song wasn't half as long as some others we have done. The WHOLE time they are preparing, here are just some snippets of what I was hearing:
J: "D keeps saying cr** and he knows I don't like that word."
D: "I am not! Shutup, J!"
Me: "whether or not it's a "bad word", let's not use it if it bothers someone else."
So J comes back from the bathroom and says "the whole time I ws in the bathroom, D kept saying that word over and over just to bug me."
(I had previously tried to explain to the kids about being a stumbling block, and that it may not be bad to say or do something, but if it bothers someone else, you shouldn't do it." So then this one boy, who is very smart and pretty "spiritual" for his age, goes into all this "what about free will?" and I say "well that's not exactly what I'm talking about." And he says "so if my teacher tells me not to make A's, I should do what she says just so it won't upset her?" :banghead :banghead :banghead :banghead Oh my....so i ended the "teachable moment" right there. (Is that normal for a 10 year old boy???)
So then more stuff happens, just basic talking yacking being disrespectful of me and "backbiting" with each other.
A few "positive" things I tried (but so cliche):
"Use positive words with each other. Please don't say things that hurt."
And then the old "If you can't say something helpful to someone, then please don't say anything."
And "It's my job to make sure D is doing the right thing, not yours. You make sure you are doing the right thing."
And finally, when I asked the "free willy" boy mentioned above not to lean on the tables (for many reasons, one being I didn't want dd in the sling getting bashed in the head by a sliding table), he decides to put his music on the floor and play from there. So then L follows suit, and the other kids were about to try it, too. So I stopped and said "Do you think it's okay with me that you sit on the floor and play your chimes?" I tried REALLY hard not to say it sarcastically. I made eye contact and tried to keep my tone even (even though I felt like screaming). So boy A says "this is the only way I can keep from leaning on the table, becuase it's my natural tendency to lean on it." Then I say, "well I think you're old enough to stop yourself from leaning on the table, especially since it's hard to ring the chimes with your elbows on the table."
Now I'm thinking, maybe this was his way of helping himself do the right thing, and maybe I should have just let him play on the floor? But then part of me says no, he's old enough to stand here for a few more minutes without leaning. And if i let him play on the floor, then they will all want to sit on the floor and play. So should I have just let them all sit on the floor and play? I think maybe my expectations were too high.
So ANYWAY....after about 10 minutes of this, I just had our ministry assistants call all the parents letting them know chimes would end at 3:30 today (this was at 3:20) instead of 4. (They also let them know that since it was such short notice, the kids could stay with me until 4:00.) Incidentally, every parent except one was here at 3:30. I told the kids (very calmly in fact) that since we couldn't focus and get anything done, we would stop early becauwse i just didn't have it in me to try and continue to teach through their disrespect. I told them that they didn't have to be here, that I didn't want them to be miserable, I wanted them to have fun, but we also needed to learn and work at the same time. I asked them to think about it before next week, and if it's something they want to continue to be involved in, then come back next week. If not, that's okay, too. It's sad because there are 3 or 4 in there that really get frustrated when the others prevent us from proceeding.
And this whole time I'm explaining to them why we're ending rehearsal early, the "free will" kid has his hand up and is tryign to interrupt me. i looked at him and said "what I'm saying right now is very important. please listen." So when I was done, I acknowledged his raised hand and you know what he just HAD to tell me that whole time? "J has the green apple runs (something or other) in the bathroom." Well, j had already returned from the bthroom and did not tell me he was sick. (This boys like to tease each other about bodily functions, which I know is typical boy, but it's NOT FUNNY when the boy being made fun of is not laughing.
I am feeling SO punitive right now. And feelign like my expectations for them are WAY inappropriate for their age. Did I set them up for this? Oh I must add that I wasn't all naggy today, I did point out to them when I saw them being ready, marking their music correctly, etc. etc.
I'm also frustrated that I can't really go to my pastor about this and expect to get non-punitive help. I went to him a couple weeks ago about one child in particular and he suggested a chair facing the wall for this child to sit in when he used obscenities under his breath. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my pastor and respect him highly, and he is very good with kids....but this was just a bit too punitive and humiliating (to the child) for me to try.
Any ideas???
I feel like cr** (that word that kid doesn't like) right now.
It is SO HARD to be GBD and non-punitive with kids who aren't raised around it. I'm really struggling not resorting to my old punitive mindset I had when I taught school.
Please help and :pray if you feel led.
TIA.