View Full Version : How am I doing... feedback and suggestions please...

03-28-2005, 09:23 PM
I posted several times about Holden on the old board.. and he can be a very umm.... strongwilled child. Well, I still slip occasionally but I am getting better I think. Please let me know what you think, I'll give you an example.

This evening, Holden kept grabbing Alex's bubble mower and pushing it around right when Alex would go for it. Well, Alex doesn't talk yet, so he would just run to me and burst out in tears. So I'd ask him to show me what was wrong and he would run to his mower. :(

Well, I went through the steps of asking, asking if he needed help, and then helping. Well, he is a strong little kiddo and I had to pry Holden's hands off of it. I explained to him that the toy is Alex's and that he needs to let Alex play with it. I know I probably teach Alex to share, but for one, Alex is delayed and doesn't understand a lot of what I say. And secondly - Holden only wants the mower when Alex is playing with it. :(

I know Holden is trying for attention, so I asked him to help me with dinner. He helped for a minute or so (he loves to help) and then the went right back for the mower. :( I had to continually go through the steps but by evening, he would let go when I asked him the first time. Some progress is good right?

Okay, secondly - after supper he was given the choice of 2 pieces of Easter candy or a cup of ice cream. He chose the ice cream. Well, then he started crying for the candy. I tried some of the tricks I have learned here. I used empathy, I told him that I knew he wanted the candy, etc. That didn't work so I went to being silly (my specialty I think) and started telling him that I wanted him to have candy for breakfast and that I thought we should have candy all the time!!! Then I went on to say that if we ate lots of candy that we would have so much energy that we could probably fly... well he started laughing and then we started talking about it. And he decided that if he ate that much candy he would be too sick to fly. So - I didn't hear anything else about the candy.

Then Angela started in... she wanted to stay up after her bedtime to watch a *new* show her friend had told her about. Well, I told her that it was a school night (she's in public school) and that bedtime is a rule that I couldn't break. I tried joking with her telling her about how sleepy she would be and how I would have to get the cats to lick her feet to get her up in the morning if she didn't get enough sleep. She giggled a bit but then started saying - "I just want to watch it" over, and over and over again. Finally I just told her that asking me again wasn't going to change my answer. She kept on. Then finally I said that she had asked, and had been given an answer. I told her that I was not going to continue the conversation, and that it was over. She got upset for a bit and pouted. But when we were all playing in the other room, she decided to cheer up and join us.

Oh... and another situation with Holden - this morning he got up and got ready for school. Alex was still asleep (they share a room) so he got dressed in the bathroom. I didn't go in his room to get Alex up until after he had gone to school. Well, when I walked in there, It was TRASHED. I was upset until I started looking at what the mess was ALL OVER. It was the contents of his and Alex's "keepsake boxes" I was devastated... he had messed up so much stuff and I had a hard time figuring out what was his and what was Alex's. I didn't always label everything, that's why they had seperate boxes!!! ARGH.... luckilly he wasn't there, because I may have lost my cool. So, when he came home from school, I sat down with him and asked him what happened to his room. He said he wanted to see the boxes. These boxes were in the TOP shelf of his closet. So that means he climbed in his closet last night while we were sleeping and knocked all this down. I told him he could have been hurt, and that next time he should ask me to help him if he wants to look at something. Especially when it is out of reach. We then went together, and picked it all up. I wanted to help clean it up to make sure it didn't get messed up anymore. Now I am very emotional when pregnant and the old punitive parent in me wants to punish him somehow. Did I handle this okay... should I have done something different?

I have learned so much here... and hubby is just not one to read parenting things. So I have been praying that he would pick up some of my new good habits. I have a problem with raising my voice too often and have gotten better with that. But he still does it regularly. When he does it, I simply try to quietly remind him to be gentle. But the best part is that WITHOUT prompting I heard him ask Holden today - "can you do it yourself or do I need to help you?" :hearts Believe me this is a BIG step for him!

Thanks ladies - my kids are so much happier since I have found you (and me too!)

03-28-2005, 10:21 PM
Well I know this doesn't help but I have to say that looking at that childs face...he'd get away with murder with me! ;)

But really, I think you did great! :clap What a super moma to be on such a devoted mission! :tu :tu :tu

03-29-2005, 05:39 AM
Heather, it sounds like you did everything just right! :tu You should be really proud of the steps you've made. :clap

03-29-2005, 07:05 AM
i think you did a great job! :tu

03-29-2005, 02:43 PM
Thanks so much ladies!!! I'm still very much a work in progress... But I'm still working on it! :) And very happy to be seeing the results!